Accepting Being All Alone In The World

[FabulousEnding]

I recently left my very abusive and psychopathic boyfriend. It was hard as hell because we were so in love with each other, but I can't be with someone so disgustingly corrupt. I have my ESA cats and a few friends. However, I've learned I need to accept being alone in this world. I have no family, no romantic love, no romantic interests, etc. There is no one that makes my heart sing. And honestly, after falling so deeply in love with a psychopath, I don't know if I can trust my heart again.

After I move out of this domestic violence shelter, I plan on getting myself a place of my own, finishing my education, changing my name, changing my number and saying goodbye to every abuser I've ever had. I'll make new friends I suppose and maybe one day meet someone. I just feel like I won't truly break the cycle until I learn to stand on my own two feet, completely alone in the world. Holidays will probably always suck because I'll have no one. It's the only way to stop the hurt is to stop letting people into my life who hurt me, just so I don't have to feel alone. I end up feeling bruised and alone either way.

Anyone go through this?

 

[joeylittle]

Something that I've been thinking about lately is that being alone actually means spending time with yourself.

It's hard to only ever spend time with yourself. But if you have never given yourself a chance to do it, maybe this is something you can reframe as an opportunity. I know from experience that is a very hard thing to do, so I really don't mean to be making it sound easy. But it sounds like you do intuitively know this is the right next step for you.

A good first step could just be to make a list of all the things you might like to do. You don't even have to be accurate, just whatever comes to mind. I think for anyone getting out of a relationship or a series of relationships can benefit from this - but especially people recovering from an abuse cycle.

You'll probably end up scratching many things off the list, but there might be some that stick. And that can start to give you a structure to learning how to spend time with yourself that is rewarding, not based on "alone-ness" (isolation), but based on self-care and self-discovery.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

First of all: bravo! Leaving someone you love, especially if they're an abusive psychopath, is extremely hard. But you did it and I am really happy for you.

Many of us struggle with loneliness and being alone. It is hard to form relationships with other human beings when one of them has hurt you so deeply. You are not alone in that. Are there any support groups you can go to?

It might indeed be good for you to hold off on starting a new relationship for a while. But friends could be an important positive influence in your life. And I am sure that when you go back to school or work, you will make some kind, supportive friends.

I guess I do not have a concrete solution for you, but I just want you to know that there is hope and you are not alone.
Also, feel free to message me if you like.

Take care :hug:

 

[FabulousEnding]

I try to keep the image in my mind of how proud I'll feel of myself knowing I stood up on my own two feet. That I left a bad situation, continued my education, took care of myself financially, etc. I'm having to pull myself up from the ground up but it'll be worth it soon.

I like the idea of making a list of things I'd like to do and seeing which ones are doable.