Relationship Accidentally Triggered Her Ptsd

[ihurther]

I accidentally triggered her PTSD. Every single time that I do so, I am completely unaware beforehand. I am one-hundred percent unaware that such innocent words could cause her to become triggered. It scares me so much, and I finally realized everything that I could say that could trigger her PTSD and by this point I can say that I am so avoidant of it, that I will never trigger it again because of my new knowledge.

The problem is, since she has been hit now with PTSD, she becomes extremely depressed and suicidal, and I have no idea what to do. I read already in the forums that when someone with PTSD tells you not to talk to them, not to message them, or anything like that, that you don't. I am not doing so right now. At first it is extremely difficult for me not to message, but then it becomes easy, because I am hoping for the best, but after a while I start to get confident in bringing her out of depression/suicidal ideation because I have done it before.

My question is, what do I do when I realize, or she tells me, that I had triggered her PTSD? What do I tell her? What do I do? I have already told her that I have learned my lesson, that I am heavily sorry, and that I will never do it again.
Do I try to contact her after giving her so much time alone, and try to talk normally and avoid anything that has to do with what I had done accidentally?

Sorry this was written so poorly.

 

[Tinyflame]

Idk, but it's not your fault.

 

[ihurther]

Idk, but it's not your fault.

I agree partially; yet at the same time I feel that the more I believe it is my fault, the better I will be able to avoid it in the future.
Now, though, I need to know what to do to help her. I have showed her I understand; that I am here for her; but she is completely avoidant and does not want to speak whatsoever, but eventually I need to talk to her, so that I can help her feel better, because it gets to a point basically where she still feels the same, depressed, but she isn't "locked" into it, she is able to be pulled from it, but what I am asking is what I should say to her.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

My question is, what do I do when I realize, or she tells me, that I had triggered her PTSD? What do I tell her? What do I do? I have already told her that I have learned my lesson, that I am heavily sorry, and that I will never do it again.

First, she, and you, need to realize the triggers are hers, not yours. You did nothing wring to feel bad about. Now once she/you both identify a trigger, try not to hit it but you are human, it happens. If you do, back away from it, let her tailspin go, and for me tailspins that dont land me in suicide land are actually good, im more self aware afterwards.

I also have only identified 1, possiblty 2 but might be connected, of my triggers. Its not up to people not hitting them (though once they know it would be helpful) its up to me to manage them and manage what i do to help my tailspin. Its up to her to identify whats triggering her and work on it.

Grounding techniques are great while triggered/tailspinnin.

Also, you are not a stand in therapist and its crossing a fundemental boundry to say you can bring her out of depression & suicidal ideation, that is not your job. If shes that close then call 911 or a crisis line; she can text or chat with a crisis line of more comfortable.

This is hers to manage and get better and if she doesnt have one, she needs a therapist.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Her triggers are hers to own. Unless you are maliciously doing something to trigger her on purpose it's not your fault. SHE is reacting.

We as supporters want to avoid triggers at all costs, but it's impossible. You just plain cannot know all her triggers. She doesn't even know all her triggers until they happen. Triggers can change... It can be something so innocent you'd never even consider it.

Once I broke down a box and threw it in the recycle bin. My vet saw it and freaked because it reminded him of a piece of trash that was laying over an IED his vehicle hit in Iraq. He was triggered by something I did. Was that my fault?

 

[ihurther]

Her triggers are hers to own. Unless you are maliciously doing something to trigger her on purpose it...

I see. That makes sense. I will admit that I know it is not my fault. My case is similar to yours, well, actually, very close at least. I used a very innocent word which in no one's mind means anything bad, and it triggered her.
I know what to do now. But now my question is, when someone's PTSD is triggered, is the PTSD episodic? Does it last a certain amount of time and then go away and they will go back to how they were before it was triggered? It just takes time or can it be that they are not the same after the episode?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Does it last a certain amount of time and then go away and they will go back to how they were before it was triggered? It just takes time or can it be that they are not the same after the episode?

No! Triggers then tailspins have lasted mins, hrs, days, and even a week for me.

Hopefully shes not like she was before the trigger happened, hopefully she is more self aware of whats triggering her so she can work on them.

I ask again, is she in therapy? It seems to me you are trying to be a stand in therapist. Thats not your job!

 

[Sweetpea76]

Everybody is different. Even the same person will react to triggers different ways.

These threads are really helpful in understanding PTSD.

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/stressor-vs-trigger-what-is-a-trigger.9903/

Being a supporter is a learning process... Nobody knows what they are doing at first.

 

[ihurther]

No! Triggers then tailspins have lasted mins, hrs, days, and even a week for me.

Hopefully s...

She is not in therapy because of her family, and their incompetence and neglect, which is most of the reason as to why I am so dedicated to helping her. I will pay, entirely, for her therapy. I will completely support her in every possible way to help her and make her happy and feel better. I will pay for it all, and I will get her there, as soon as possible. I have been trying, and I am still trying to do this. I am aware that I am not a mental health care professional (even with years of psychology/neurology knowledge intake), and that is the reason why I will put my faith into therapy for her.

 

[ihurther]

Everybody is different. Even the same person will react to triggers different ways.

These threads ar...

Thank you so much, if there is anyone I think I can learn from, it is obviously from another supporter.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

She is not in therapy because of her family, and their incompetence and neglect,

How old is she?

If shes under 18 theres a lot of school therapy programs that dont even have to have parental knowledge.

If shes an adult and money is an issue there are plenty of free therapist/counslors, pastoral therapists, or the health center has free or sliding scale therapy. Be careful and research free ones WELL! I had 4 free bad therapists.

Thats a Canadian flag, I thought Canada has free healthcare paid through taxes?

 

[ihurther]

How old is she?

If shes under 18 theres a lot of school therapy programs that dont even have...

She is under 18 but because of her problems she is not in school. I live in Canada, but she lives in USA right now, unfortunately, but we will be moving in together eventually and at that time (or perhaps even before) she will be getting therapy.