But the will to live is strong.
This is so true. And I don't know if it's a conscious will or an automatic physical response. And I don't know why I want to know the answer to that question. And, and, and...
Btw: I didn't get diagnosed with PTSD, initially despite basically being a walking DSM (IV) (at the time) example.
I'm a little different - I didn't develop PTSD. Or, I don't think I did. Sometimes, now, I wonder. But when I did develop PTSD, it was so big and clear (to my doctors, not to me, of course), that I have trouble reconciling the difference between how I lived with what happened for years, and how I can't live with what happened, now.
Some words strung together, as best we can, to create diagnostic criteria and a really savvy and well-trained human doing a thorough intake, not just checking boxes. It's the same with any diagnosis we can't define via simple blood test or X-ray, etc.
If I prayed, I would pray for the blood test, the fMRI, the
anything. But yes, in the bigger picture, it's all just an attempt to put something into words.
The torture bit was a side shoot or side topic, I know, so I'll get out of here. But it probably has to do mostly with being tortured (to whatever extent) and trapped. The threat is constant because you don't really know what will happen, but it reads as pure emergency. That is sheer hell on the human nervous system.
I'm glad you came on over - I hadn't really been factoring this bit in, either. It's sort of meta - but yes, knowing that you are literally, physically, not metaphorically but
actually not getting out. Personally, I have that belief that what I experienced was not so bad compared to what people who are held for longer periods go through. I know that's not helpful, but it sticks with me because it was a coping device later on. But when you are being held captive, I guess on a certain level it doesn't matter.
Also, time gets weird.