Ada, ptsd, and service dogs

[desiderata310]

Well.
ok.

I've been wrestling with the service dog/ "disability" issue and my anxiety surrounding all of it. No offense to anyone but I really thought when I started down this road last year that I was going to be done with therapy in a couple of months and I'd be all better.

No dice.

I also thought this would be transient and would go away after a while.

Not so true.

I started to get the impression, based off my therapists enthusiastic urgings (and I mean he's pushing me hard EVERY session to get a SD. HUGE advocate of the idea) that PTSD is something that is going to be with me forever.

It's the Herpes of the therapy world. yay.

Sorry folks, this has not really been easy...

In his defense, his dog being PRESENT in therapy has made a HUGE difference in how I fare. The dog has helped with grounding. We've both noticed the difference. I have to admit that I have wished on more than one occasion that I could take the dog with me.

I've ASKED my therapist what his opinion was about my PTSD being a "disability" because of my reticence to be labeled and take on a therapeutic device that I don't really need. His response was...ambiguous. Frustratingly so. And for the last few weeks I have vacillated between hyper enthusiasm at the prospect of getting a SD and anxiety over what that means about me. I joined a listserv of folks with SD's for psychiatric disabilities. One thing that got me was that most of these folks (about 90% were PTSD) were talking about this in terms of it being a disability, multiple generations of SD's and it hit me that this ISN'T going to ever go away. What my therapist seems to be telling me without saying it is that the best I can expect is to get better at dealing with my symptoms.

Sobering.

When my therapist texted me one day in response to the fact that I cant get VW assistance, his response was "Guess you're stuck with me" He's known this for a long time. I've been trying to push through therapy so I could be done and umm... turns out this is more of a marathon and not a sprint.

It's why I pushed myself to tell him things I wasn't ready to tell him. It's why I did a lot of stupid things in therapy this year.

So, I can be somewhat obsessive about researching something when I am looking for a clear answer.
I've been looking for an answer to what would make me "disabled" with PTSD according to ADA. I want to understand. I wanted it to say that there markers. I wanted to read something, point to it and go, 'oh I am not THAT bad'. I TOTALLY don't fit that criterium. I'm good!

I know that my PTSD is a bitch. It doesn't let me forget it's there. I get relief from it when I road bike for hours or go for a long run. When I do a long swim... but the rest of the time not so much.

I found this site which.. makes me feel better and worse about all of this.

http://toolkit.vets.syr.edu/wp-cont...TSD-and-the-Americans-with-Disability-Act.pdf

"However, according to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), the individualized assessment of virtually all people with PTSD will result in a determination of disability under the ADA; given its inherent nature, PTSD will almost always be found to substantially limit the major life activity of brain function (EEOC Regulations . . . , 2011)."

umm. ouch. and.. yay? Wow. What a mixed bag. I'm honestly sitting here bawling my eyes out. There's a part of me that is slightly relieved and at the same time I am devastated.

I don't tend to think of myself as "substantially limited" but then I try to go into a store, or eat at a restaurant, or have a conversation with a really tall and growly male, someone stands in the doorway of my office, things get too noisy, etc. I went out today and tried to do some light shopping in a very UNCROWDED store and within less than 5 minutes I was already well into a panic attack.

My therapist asked me recently if my anxiety, etc, was worse because of therapy or better or what. On reflection, no. I'm just more honest about how I am actually doing instead of pushing myself to the point of collapse or self harm. I tell him about it as it's happening. I must have texted him a dozen times while I was at the conference for support. Before I would have just tried to suck it up, drank heavily, and cried myself to sleep trying to figure out why I was such a big baby. Probably would have cut anyway and dealt with the suicidal ideation for weeks after while my brain tried to regain some sort of stability. Now, I acknowledge that I'm actually having panic attacks and that my stress level is directly related to my self harm and suicidal ideation. *the more you know!*

So.. I guess, welcome to the wonderful world of PTSD, Desiderata. It's like the Hotel California. I can check out any time I like but I can't leave.

I guess my mantra of "suck it up, Buttercup" needs to take on a slightly different tone. Recovery means something different to me now.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I am disabled by major depressive disorder and PTSD. I work part time and I have PTSD service dog. She is so calming and she gives me reason to live when I don't want to. I would never give her up.
I understand how you feel about getting what amounts to a life sentence of PTSD, but I've made huge gains in the past two years. That's how long I've had my dog.

You have to exercise them and vet bills are high. Still, she's worth it.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

when I started down this road last year that I was going to be done with therapy in a couple of months and I'd be all better.

Yep, I thought the same thing when I started down this road. I had know idea what I was about to uncover and that this was going to be a long process.

I'm just more honest about how I am actually doing instead of pushing myself to the point of collapse or self harm.

That is huge progress in my opinion. Maybe your anxiety isn't any better, but you're acknowledging more which will help you learn more, which in the end will help you manage it better.

It is a long road and it has many bumps, but I am glad you are sharing your journey with us.

 

[Blue Survivor]

I don't have a service dog, but I do think that it could be incredibly helpful for some of us with ptsd. Just PETTING a dog makes me happy. Not to mention the fact that dogs need exercise so the person would benefit too (endorphins). I know when I am feeling overwhelmed it is tough to get to the gym, but having a dog depending on me might motivate me to get outside more...maybe even have some fun. The companionship would be incredible too, as dogs don't look down on you because of ptsd. They 'listen' without judgment and they love without question. Who wouldn't benefit from that?!?

I would suggest getting in touch with a Veterinarian or an Animal Behaviorist. Maybe even a person who has a therapy dog (hospital, senior center). Find out what steps you could take to get yourself on a list for a service dog. And if you come up empty, I would suggest adopting a dog! Most shelters could match you up with a forever pet, and not to be a rebel but you could always REGISTER your new pet as a therapy dog. That would be your loophole as far as being able to have him with you in your travels each day. And maybe you could take him someplace to help others...kids, maybe?

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear @desiderata310 , I think what you have discovered about yourself is huge. :tup: :tup: If anything, for myself I think denial is a massive part of ptsd. Just my experience of course, but I think the 'obvious' parts of denial are just that- somewhat obvious- it's hard to ignore the extremes of emotion (the pain really), the over-vigilance, the potentially explosive response of fight or flight. But the more subtle parts, such as 'it will go away, I don't really feel that bad (minimization), suck it up ("what trauma?"), 'I feel ok' (suicidal & planning), etc- now those I find easy to deny/ think I'm ignoring. In fact, it's hard to know another way. :( After all, I 'practiced' for 30 years. Including (mis)trusting. And also simply not knowing another way/ having no one to trust.

I would have never made it without a dog, at times.

I view it a little differently, my dad went blind in his late 40's. He loved dogs & was like 'Cesar Milan' before he was known. I used to think that would have been the only positive (a SD). Service dogs can be for many reasons (far as anyone could 'tell'.)

But, I really love dogs & I'm what they would consider an 'experienced owner' for large breeds.

However, me (who would take years to cough up- & I mean literally- self info to a T), well if there was a dog there, it'd be so easy. Hey- they are like EFT (tapping), but a more beautiful/ blood-pressure lowering distraction! :)

Good luck with your decision! :) There is no 'wrong' one. And if not now, maybe later. If not spontaneous it takes me a long time & sometimes inordinate support/ encouragement or I can't work through fears.

(Also, I think therapy or progress is up, down & sideways. I think if you didn't trust your T the words wouldn't have come out, even if you didn't feel ready. But I get it, the desire to be over & done with it. But (again this is just for me) ptsd is just a term that explains accurately 'why the H*ll' I've felt & reacted as I have for 3 decades (yes I 'hoped' it would go away, called it no problem at all, & eventually just thought of myself as a freak. Oddly, I guess they were right when it started). Just like this forum, then I can find solutions because I can address what the problem is. Then it's less of a problem. Then it's better than it was, even if it's permanent.)

 

[Whirlwind]

It's like the Hotel California. I can check out any time I like but I can't leave.

Yea. This verdict has weighed on me as well.

I refuse this edict. I am not looking for an easy solution, I get I have things to work on, I am learning not to avoid or minimize my trauma...etc etc. I have work to do, I get this to a some degree at least. I am crappy at dealing with this half the time, but other times...I am doing better.

I took a PTSD class recently and the therapist said things in support of my preference. It felt so hopeful.

Either way, I choose to move forward with this belief and I recently read here of someone who exclaimed how good their life was and how they couldn't believe how good things were for them, how much better they were...something they could not have imagined at one time.

Proof? Good enough for me right now ;)

I don't think accepting a dog is symbolic of the permanence of PTSD...just another step towards healing and happiness if it is something you want.

Good luck, Whirlwind

 

[Kintsugi]

I think that PTSD being labeled a disability in the US is a good thing. It affords people who have been diagnosed with PTSD more protections. The stigma that I seem to see around PTSD is not related to it being listed as a disability so much as it is the depiction of PTSD sufferers as violent time bombs.

I wince a little every time I see PTSD listed alongside a host of other disabilities, but I think that it being widely recognized as such benefits us, really.

I think service dogs are a great option for a lot of sufferers with PTSD. I was dead set on registering my first dog because she had already proven so helpful. I decided not to register her, though, because I felt like she really performed enough for me without having completely unrestricted access. The only way in which this fails me, really, is being unable to take her to any hotel (regardless of pet policies) and not being able to easily fly with her should I need to. I also want a service dog who performs certain functions she is simply not suited for due to her small size.

Dogs are a huge commitment, but they give so much back. I'm a big believer that they're helpful for PTSD symptoms. I think dogs are uniquely equipped to help bring down many of my symptoms personally, registered or not.

 

[desiderata310]

The reaction I have had in therapy was... nothing short of amazing. Really.
The idea of having that calming influence with me 24/7 is pretty bad assed.
It's the label. It's coming to terms with... a lot of things. It means that there's more wrong with me than I want to admit. I guess ... f*ck.. I can't think.

I know they are a lot of work. I know it means a change in how I do things. I bike to work every morning. How the hell will that work? Lot's of random stupid questions about practical things come to mind.

How do I explain this to my young adult/teen children? My mom? My employees? My employer? the folks who used to know me?
I've managed to keep the fact that I am in therapy and my diagnosis of this kind of under wraps.

I don't know.

I'm so angry with myself. I am so sick of my f*cking brain. I'm sick of everything.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I fail to see how you need a service dog if you can keep it all under wraps from those who LIVE with you. Being comforted by a dog when you pet it isa far cry from needing a service dog 24/7. I'd say you're a helluva lot less symptomatic than I am if you can hide it from everyone. And no, I don't need a service dog, but do have a dog who is attuned to my anxiety and comforts me. You're at the beginning of treatment and comparing yourself to those who are further along in treatment. I don't think that's a good thing.

 

[Friday]

@Solara Symptoms differ. People's jobs and families differ.

I'm about a 1000x less functional than I was 15ish years ago, but I was a helluva lot more symptomatic back then. More symptomatic & more functional? Yep. In neither case did/do the people I live with know. Again, for a variety of reasons.

Need is also pretty subjective. Technically, none of us "need" any of this. Shell shock, Soldiers Heart, A Woman Badly Used... PTSD has been around probably as long as we've had brains. All these "things"; therapy, community, service animals, etc... They "just" make it easier on us.

Would you tell someone not to go to therapy / fail to see the need because their PTSD isn't as bad as yours? Or not to reach out to a community of people who understand? If not, where is the disconnect between a service dog if one could help even a little?

@desiderata310 What works, works. How to explain it, & when, to whom? That's a big question. I don't explain myself to anyone, so I haven't got anything for you, there. Except understanding that very impulse.

 

[desiderata310]

Wasn't explaining myself well.

My sons know(my daughter, who doesn't live with me does not. She lives 2000 miles away and doesn't get to visit) that I am both diagnosed with PTSD and that I am in therapy. All three have seen me have panic attacks, know I have trouble sleeping, etc. My oldest has seen me have flashbacks.

What they DON'T know is WHY. I've managed to sidestep and minimize what happened when it comes up. My son triggered me into a flashback a few weeks ago because of his persistent questions about what happened between me and their step dad. I have never gone into it because I know my oldest would try to kill my ex if he knew the whole story. The rest of my PTSD? I have never opened up to them about why I didn't have a relationship with my mom and dad. They never knew their grand dad.

I go to work and go back home and pretty much don't do anything else. I'm new ,been here a year, in this town.I don't have friends.

At work, I don't talk about my PTSD. It's none of their business. But I would guess they know something is up since I've had flashback and panic attacks at work.

My mother lives on the opposite side of the US. When I DID see her, it was brief. We do not have a relationship.

Solara maybe your right. I'm sorry. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@FridayJones,
I rest my case! The Op admits to not being completely truthful in her statements and I stand by what I said about if someone can hide all this crap, then no, they aren't THAT symptomatic.

Then again, I'm guessing the people who think they're hiding ptsd are delusional and everyone around them thinks they're bat shit crazy. Funny how denial works. Haha.