Adults Bully Other Adults; What Is Wrong With Me?

[lostforgottensoul]

@Mal Content both but more here though cant be more specific then that.

@mary1979 only knows of the thread that started it cuz she read all of my threads since ive been here...weirdo :p (im kidding).

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Lost, we didn't throw the party so that we would have your undying gratitude, we threw it because we care about you and wanted to share your special day with you. Stop being so hard on yourself! :hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I know @Mal Content i just feel like my head is saying "everyone here thinks im a horrible person" but you guys just took all that time to show me how much you care.

It just sounds, to me, that im ungraitful of the caring...and im not but it sounds that way. Like one might think "god, we just showed her we care and now shes saying everyone thinks shes horrible"

I dont know why but there are 3 specific threads i re-reads as sort of "proof" of how horrible i am. Have not a clue why i do it and dont just leave them alone but i do.

Maybe the "programmed" side is getting weaker and now needs "proof" instead of just believing it? If so thats a good thing.

**Sigh** and thus my life! :wtf:

:hug:s back for caring and for being you!

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I know @Mal Content i just feel like my head is saying "everyone here think...

Lost, would you share the threads? I think you could benefit from another perspective..

We all know how much you appreciated your party! That has nothing to do with this, except to prove to you how much we care about you. Now, seriously, trust us. We're not f*cking with you. :hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Lost, would you share the threads? I think you could benefit from another perspective..

I dont wanna re-hash, ive done that a lot in the past, i also dont wanna even near breaking any rules...plus i think its more about me then the other members anyway. Im not trying to cast blame on anyone but myself.

And i certianly dont want any one to feel on the spot or anything.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I dont wanna re-hash, ive done that a lot in the past, i also dont wanna even near breaking an...

But you can't let go?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

No but i'll be ok. Tomorrow is my therapist and there i can discuss the threads. He already knows about the first 2 anyway. The last one is fairly new-ish.

I just dont want to start old behavior again and start re-hashing stuff that was said elsewhere as ive been told more times than id like to be reminded of something to stop and like i said, less to do with them and more with me.

The "you cant let it go" says it has to do with me.

 

[mary1979]

Bet @Mal Content and I could find those stupid threads, spam the heck out of them with positive vibes and love until there's no point in you reading them to beat yourself up with

Mwahaha - dis is my evil laugh

 

[lostforgottensoul]

And thats why i love you two @mary1979 and @Mal Content!

:hug:s X a million!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Just to update all, I had sat alone with this for a very long time and I was loosing the internal fight and was scared where that was taking me so sometimes I just need to get something out of my head and all of your replies (which I re-read many times over) helped me gain some ground on this "funk"...to the point where Im thinking (or at least hoping) that im under it.

So thank you all for being caring individuals! :hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Ok, last reply as I feel like im talking to myself and beating a dead horse (I always hated that phrase) but per my therapist the re-readung threads to "prove how horrible I am" is running back to my comfort zone. So thats a good thing because it means im challeging it and pushing at the comfort zone. When im so far outside of it and emotions become too much I run back there every time.

The work thing was just being in the mist of strong emotions, i was hyper sensitive and it also triggered me and brought me back to my past.

Im gonna start reading Risin' Strong by Berne Brown...the book I got for Xmas but havent even started it yet...before i go back to the PTSD sourcebook but my therapist made it very clear that EMDR is soon (we didnt have time today) and though it terrifies me because of what happened the last time, he said that it will make thise super intense emotions that im terrified to go near not so intense.

He said not to try to force emotions and thoughts to pass yet because when they dont pass then i just get frustrated at myself. Risin' Strong is a softer book for now and he said it would be a better fit for where im at right now...he read it after i got it for Xmas and told him about it lol.

I stay stuck in the DBT book but if i rotate the 3, hopefully i get through all 3. But dyslexia and books :wtf:!

 

[EveHarrington]

Bullying adults-----been there myself as the bully-ee. I don't understand it really. Completely unnecessary and it's just drama making. I wish we could all just get along.