General advice for supporter of adult daughter

annette1957

New Here
(I also wonder how old she is?

she is 31
And I also wonder, like others have said here, if the CPTSD there are bits she links with you. And I also wonder if, at some point, a few family therapy sessions together might help? )
Something to think about but I think at her age may be that would make me too close to her treatment. I am trying to step back and be more adult to adult with her rather than parent to child. I have been for some counselling myself to try and help me cope and also to try and get ideas about how best to support her. I find my counsellor very supportive so may be another time when my daughter comes to stay we could go together. I’ll think about it.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Something to think about but I think at her age may be that would make me too close to her treatment. I am trying to step back and be more adult to adult with her rather than parent to child. I have been for some counselling myself to try and help me cope and also to try and get ideas about how best to support her. I find my counsellor very supportive so may be another time when my daughter comes to stay we could go together. I’ll think about it.
Totally agree. Her journey is her journey. And yours is yours. Just something to think about in the future as there sounds a disconnect in communication where she feels unsupported and you feel you are supporting. More of a family therapy thing.
E.g. my partner wanted couples therapy whilst I was doing my own therapy, as we had a disconnect in understanding the other. It's a different piece of the puzzle? It's not about fixing trauma together but learning what things mean for the other. If that makes sense.

(Edit to say: I didn't do the couples therapy as it felt too much therapy. But might work for others.)
 

Freida

Sponsor
t’s like going to a physical therapist after getting reconstructive surgery. Where it will HURT, and be exhausting, and there is a helluva lot of work involved. And sweat/blood/tears IF you do the work to get better. And then you do. But it will get worse first. And it will be exhausting during.
@Friday beat me too it because I was going to use the same anology. I copied it because I want you to read it again. Yep - it's that important.

My supporters can't fix me, they can't do the work for me, they can't stop the pain. All they can do is try to be patient and watch. Trying to "fix" her by figuring out what kind of support she needs is going to end up with just chasing your tail. I know you want to make it better for her - but you can't.

Healing sucks and it can take a long, long time. Think in terms of years, not months. She has to learn which coping skills work for her - and then use them. You can't do this for her
She said she needs to feel safe.
Ya - this isn't going to happen for a long while
Not trying to be unsympathetic but -- ptsd means you don't feel safe. Ever.
I still, after 5 years of therapy, believe someone is standing outside every door waiting to shoot me
That thought will never go away
What changes is that I can understand it's not a true version of my world today, and when it pops up I can use my coping skills to figure out a better way to address it.

But safety?
nope. No one can bring that to me. I have to learn how to achieve it myself.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
@annette1957 - forgive me if this has already been stated in the thread - but some advice for you - take this as an opportunity to work with a therapist, on your own. Undoubtedly, things that are embedded in your relationship with your daughter will come to the surface - and sometimes that will be hard. You will want a support system of your own, while you're supporting her.
 

annette1957

New Here
@annette1957 - forgive me if this has already been stated in the thread - but some advice for you - take this as an opportunity to work with a therapist, on your own. Undoubtedly, things that are embedded in your relationship with your daughter will come to the surface - and sometimes that will be hard. You will want a support system of your own, while you're supporting her.
Thank you. I have been to see a counsellor and found it really useful
 
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