D
Deleted member 37720
I've fallen into a hole lately and I don't know how to handle it. This will probably have to be long to clearly explain things but I'll try to keep it as short as I can.
A few months ago I started to feel like something was bottled up but I couldn't get it to the surface even if I tried by doing things like listening to certain music that should of triggered it but didn't. In about the last month I've just been feeling terrible, though. It's hard to explain. I still have that bottled up feeling but allot worse. It's an annoying feeling cause it makes me feel like crud but it's not actually anything triggering me it's just that feeling that's there almost all the time.
I know when hearing that the first thought that might come to mind is it's depression but as someone who's had depression already I'm 99 percent sure it's not that. Besides for that feeling there's also been other things. I've had a low tolerance lately for example my nephew playing too loudly like screaming and running down the hallway or my brother playing his annoying music loudly can instantly have me on the verge of crying. However, I seem to not be able to actually start crying anymore. I haven't cried in such a long time. Accidentally doing things such as running my toe into something I use to tolerate very well but now those kinds of things will have me silently raging. I've had random spouts of sadness that randomly come every once in a while and leave pretty quickly and I just go back to the bottled feeling.
I've been dealing with insomnia allot lately. Basically if I stay up past ten I will for some reason go into a high and wanna do a million things and wont be able to go to sleep til I am about to pass out.
For the last few months my problems haven't really come up but I think my grief and trauma is finally starting to catch up with me a bit. I'm not in therapy as I have to wait for a new clinic to open in hope they will have some good people there. It's supposed to be coming out sometime next month but I'm trying to not get my hopes up too much cause the doctors who work there who are suppose to be creating it are super flimsy and disrespectful when it comes to peoples time and treatment. I wouldn't be surprised if they kept saying it was just gonna be a little bit longer forever. I would of bailed on it already but this is close to my last chance of getting some help as we've already searched our area pretty good and there's no one at all good in our area.I'm not even sure if they would have psychologist there or only psychiatrist (Not interested in seeing a psychiatrist) or what.
My main problem right now is school. I go to online school (8th grade) and it's impossible for me to do the work like this and I don't know what to do about it. My mom and teacher keep nagging which is a huge stresser. I'm afraid of getting kicked out but what can say I can't do the work like this and then nagging me so much really doesn't help. I try to talk to my mom about it but for some reason she doesn't take it seriously at all. I think she thinks I'm just trying to be lazy and get out of my work. Nothing I can say about it will get through to her. I could really use some advice about this.
A few months ago I started to feel like something was bottled up but I couldn't get it to the surface even if I tried by doing things like listening to certain music that should of triggered it but didn't. In about the last month I've just been feeling terrible, though. It's hard to explain. I still have that bottled up feeling but allot worse. It's an annoying feeling cause it makes me feel like crud but it's not actually anything triggering me it's just that feeling that's there almost all the time.
I know when hearing that the first thought that might come to mind is it's depression but as someone who's had depression already I'm 99 percent sure it's not that. Besides for that feeling there's also been other things. I've had a low tolerance lately for example my nephew playing too loudly like screaming and running down the hallway or my brother playing his annoying music loudly can instantly have me on the verge of crying. However, I seem to not be able to actually start crying anymore. I haven't cried in such a long time. Accidentally doing things such as running my toe into something I use to tolerate very well but now those kinds of things will have me silently raging. I've had random spouts of sadness that randomly come every once in a while and leave pretty quickly and I just go back to the bottled feeling.
I've been dealing with insomnia allot lately. Basically if I stay up past ten I will for some reason go into a high and wanna do a million things and wont be able to go to sleep til I am about to pass out.
For the last few months my problems haven't really come up but I think my grief and trauma is finally starting to catch up with me a bit. I'm not in therapy as I have to wait for a new clinic to open in hope they will have some good people there. It's supposed to be coming out sometime next month but I'm trying to not get my hopes up too much cause the doctors who work there who are suppose to be creating it are super flimsy and disrespectful when it comes to peoples time and treatment. I wouldn't be surprised if they kept saying it was just gonna be a little bit longer forever. I would of bailed on it already but this is close to my last chance of getting some help as we've already searched our area pretty good and there's no one at all good in our area.I'm not even sure if they would have psychologist there or only psychiatrist (Not interested in seeing a psychiatrist) or what.
My main problem right now is school. I go to online school (8th grade) and it's impossible for me to do the work like this and I don't know what to do about it. My mom and teacher keep nagging which is a huge stresser. I'm afraid of getting kicked out but what can say I can't do the work like this and then nagging me so much really doesn't help. I try to talk to my mom about it but for some reason she doesn't take it seriously at all. I think she thinks I'm just trying to be lazy and get out of my work. Nothing I can say about it will get through to her. I could really use some advice about this.
Last edited by a moderator:
