Afraid Of Happiness?

[TLight]

Great thread you guys........

Yes, what Dylan said about staying in the low position, depressed, whereas standing up entails the risk of the fall, and we've had so many.

Happiness is what you make it........I've heard that before. I want it and I'm willing to risk in order to get some of it. But safety is definately the priority for me right now, and that is what is different for us PTSDers.........safety governs our functioning and limits our ability to reach beyond our comfort zone.

Also, I think that you can only be happy in the present moment, and Cragger is right.........acceptance of the present is key. I've found myself endlessly unhappy, frustrated and riping myself to pieces because I'm not where I want to be in my life be it financially, emotionally, or even geographically.........I feel I've paid my dues and I'm frustrated by lack of progress.
I've learned that accepting where I'm at gives me great peace and serenity...........and isn't that REALLY where I want to be...........PEACE OF MIND IS WHERE HAPPINESS LIES AND THAT LIES IN ACCEPTANCE OF WHERE YOU ARE NOW. Nothing can ever change unless you can accept where you are now..........however, if you are in an abusive situation or being harasssed or otherwise triggered..........that is not acceptable and then we have to call upon assertiveness. For me tough............I just caved and accepted the crap because I was a victim.........so there is a very important difference regarding this arena.

 

[Cindy]

Great points T

I'm probably at an all time low right now. I find it a reality check to read this thread. The times I have succeeded to reach any level of inner peace and self satisfaction has had to do with accepting what is and within the limits of my ability I can achieve. I hate to say 'limits' but as this topic attracted me because of that very possibility of us placing limits on ourselves to achieve happiness.

Philosophically, I wonder if our expectations of what happiness really is that in itself sets the limit of our attaining it. I think my expectations of myself in all arenas are out of whack and unreasonable. But I think it is important to recognize what we define as happiness. Another point being there are many forms of happiness as well that are symbolized within ourselves and our surroundings.

I don't think it unfair to recognize that having lost happiness I (we) have an understandable fear of once having some of it back we could lose it just as easily. Again, we come around to acceptance of taking what we can get when we can get it.

 

[TLight]

YEs, Accepting limitations is definately a part of attaining happiness.

I have found that I have had incredably unreasonable expectations of myself throughout my life. I was just a worse version of my abusers. This place great stress on me, because I knew nothing different. So I can't really blame myself, but throughout my healing I'm discovering that it is normal to have limitations, that I don't have to be wonder woman,..........that, in fact, I'm absolutely miserably even attempting to be wonder woman.

So there you have it.......I'm just an ordinary child of God with limitations and faults and I'm going to love myself for that very same reason............Limitations are a natural part of being human and I no longer kill myself in order to 'be perfect, do perfect, control perfect, and expect perfect from life."
Life on lifes terms I guess, right?

 

[Dylan]

I very much relate to the unreasonable expectations....and the pain they can cause.

The CBT I work with, as part of its structure, asks the question, "What are my unreasonable expectations for who I am right now/this situation?" and then, "What's a more reasonable expectation?" If my expectation is too high I end up feeling like a failure, and end up quitting in exhaustion...sometimes just from the sheer contemplation of my expectation! If my expectation is too easy, I end up feeling disappointed in myself and devoid of passion and excitement and pride in my accomplishment.

My expectations also have typically been too harsh/hard. That sure does drain the passion and anticipation out of things! But in some areas, I'm too easy at times. Finding that balance is my challenge.

Recently something shifted for me in self-acceptance...thank god. It seems to work that way....just when I'm feeling like old Sisyphus, something gives.

Thanks to everyone for posting so far....this thread has been really helpful for me to reflect and ponder this topic.

-Dylan

 

[midi]

I'm really glad this thread, with all the wisdom being offered, is here. I've carried unreasonable expectations for myself and everyone around me since I was a wee one. It was only after my last surgery, when they said they couldn't fix it, that I had to face up to a new word in my vocabulary - limitations.

 

[Kunoichi]

Ty all for your responses and advice!!!

I think where we place happiness can definetly affect whether or not we can obtain it. i have experienced happiness today as well as having it crushed due to a massive flashback and dissociative episode.

But at the same time, I can still be happy right now by accepting the fact I had an episode and that i am safe presently.....its very hard to do but I'm going to fight for it.

Wish me luck!

 

[cragger65]

This has become a fascinating thread - is happiness "attainment of something other" or is it "changing our perception of what is"? Or a little of both?

Kunoichi, I wish you (and all of us) all the best in the world in finding the answers that work. There is so much wisdom and perspective on this board, I'm blown away.

 

[Tinyflame]

I am coming to the conclusion that happiness for me is somewhat based on my "concept of what is", rather than just "attaining of something" more, for myself. I think being kinder with/on myself helps to bring more happiness, and I think "being true to myself" has brought me more peace (and happiness) because I am beginning to fulfill what I want/need to do for myself, sort of irrespective of what other people think.

If nothing else it's helped me prioritize what is truly of most importance and value to me, and that gives me a wee bit more confidence- or perseverance, maybe.

I think, too, the better I feel the more I am able to let my guard down and that makes me more likely to feel happy.

I think for me, appreciation of the good things/ people helps the most, and not letting other thoughts crowd it out.

 

[Kunoichi]

I think happiness is something that is also fought for. It depends what you place your happiness in (level of attainment) as well as who it is (whether you must achieve it, or perhaps you view your faith as being core, certain goals are met etc.)

I think the idea of happiness is complex to say the least. I can not feel "happy" as an emotion but it doesn't mean i don't have happiness.