About 6 weeks ago after being in the hospital for a previous surgery that has gotten infected and needed to be opened up again my wife talked to me. She told me that my daughter was tired of walking on egg shells not knowing what mood I would be in. That I needed help. I would either be depressed or manic/angry. I would yell over the little things. Yet other days I would be caring and "nice". I was told it had been about 8/9 years. I went to my ADD doctor and asked for help. She put me on a mood stabilizer that after about a week has been working great. I have had no outburst and actually pretty calm.
After about a week being on the medication I really knew what my problem was and decided to tell my wife. I was working one night with a friend and had to check wiring in a high rise apartment building.
When we got in a large group of guys grabbed my buddy and me. He gave up and they raped him. While fighting with the guys holding me one had let go of my leg where I was able to kick one in the face. I then had a free hand to grab my shears and stab a guy in the side. When he screamed and the blood started to poor out they all took off with their now wounded friend. We left without saying a word in our own vehicles. We didn't talk after that just nod at each other in passing. Like it was a dirty secret.
A couple months later he died in a car wreck. I thought he had killed himself. Over what happened. I found out last month is wasn't suicide nut a tie rod failure.My wife was ok at first but then she told me I would have to build back up the trust as I have been emotional checked out. I didn't like it but understood. I was just starting to like myself again.
Then about 2 weeks ago her grandmother had told her that I was mean to my 14 year old son. I was only teasing him about a thing from a tv show. He said he was just mad about having to work that day when he wanted to be skate boarding. I had known that and I was trying to cheer him up.My wife told me that was my last chance though.
When the grandmother things happened I had also gone to two different therapist once each. They were not a fit. I wanted to see one at the place my doctor is located. I heard great things about her but couldn't get an appointment till the next week. Plus already had a visit lined up with another number three therapist.
This is where I screwed up. I knew that it wasn't going to work out with therapist #3. But wasn't worried cause they place I wanted to go said they'd could get me in around 7-10 days. Plus #3 was horrible on the phone. I told my wire I was going and had been to the place where my doctor was at cause I figured she would think I wasn't trying by going through 3 therapists.
The one last Friday ,#4 is a great match. My wife came with me so she could ask some questions at the end. While I was in talking to the therapist I told her how I lied and needed to tell her. She said I should tell. I signed a release so the therapist could tell my wife everything. When my wife came in she asked a couple questions and then asked if it was my first visit with her. The therapist answered it as I asked her to. My wife had heard her introduce herself to me when she came to get me in the waiting room. I know I shouldn't have lied but felt scared to tell her it wasn't working out with the other therapists. I had to let her know the truth though and felt more comfortable finding out at the therapists.
She now wants me to move out. I have not yelled or been mean to her or the kids since I got help 5-6 weeks ago when the medication started to work and I started to face what happened. My doctor thinks it PTSD and maybe a mood disorder.
I have a great relationship with my kids now Boy/Girl 14/15. I feel much better about myself. I still have nightmares but not sad or angry. Feel almost like I used to. I know than not telling the truth was wrong. I have been doing great otherwise. I have always had a good job so she could stay at home with kids and work four months at her families business.
I do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping etc..I always have since we married 17 years ago when she was in a nursing program. I also know that I have not been easy to live with for the last 8 years because of the mood swings and yelling. There was times I was good though. She said that she told me to get help before but I never heard her.
I am now scared not only cause I am losing her, won't be able to take care of the kids, but of being alone. How it's going to affect me. While I understand why she is mad I feel abandoned by her when I need family the most. I have no family other than my wife and kids. She has family that are telling and backing her. They think I am not worth trying to help/fix!
Sorry it's so long but needed to explain. I am now starting to have panic attacks and scared about my future.
After about a week being on the medication I really knew what my problem was and decided to tell my wife. I was working one night with a friend and had to check wiring in a high rise apartment building.
When we got in a large group of guys grabbed my buddy and me. He gave up and they raped him. While fighting with the guys holding me one had let go of my leg where I was able to kick one in the face. I then had a free hand to grab my shears and stab a guy in the side. When he screamed and the blood started to poor out they all took off with their now wounded friend. We left without saying a word in our own vehicles. We didn't talk after that just nod at each other in passing. Like it was a dirty secret.
A couple months later he died in a car wreck. I thought he had killed himself. Over what happened. I found out last month is wasn't suicide nut a tie rod failure.My wife was ok at first but then she told me I would have to build back up the trust as I have been emotional checked out. I didn't like it but understood. I was just starting to like myself again.
Then about 2 weeks ago her grandmother had told her that I was mean to my 14 year old son. I was only teasing him about a thing from a tv show. He said he was just mad about having to work that day when he wanted to be skate boarding. I had known that and I was trying to cheer him up.My wife told me that was my last chance though.
When the grandmother things happened I had also gone to two different therapist once each. They were not a fit. I wanted to see one at the place my doctor is located. I heard great things about her but couldn't get an appointment till the next week. Plus already had a visit lined up with another number three therapist.
This is where I screwed up. I knew that it wasn't going to work out with therapist #3. But wasn't worried cause they place I wanted to go said they'd could get me in around 7-10 days. Plus #3 was horrible on the phone. I told my wire I was going and had been to the place where my doctor was at cause I figured she would think I wasn't trying by going through 3 therapists.
The one last Friday ,#4 is a great match. My wife came with me so she could ask some questions at the end. While I was in talking to the therapist I told her how I lied and needed to tell her. She said I should tell. I signed a release so the therapist could tell my wife everything. When my wife came in she asked a couple questions and then asked if it was my first visit with her. The therapist answered it as I asked her to. My wife had heard her introduce herself to me when she came to get me in the waiting room. I know I shouldn't have lied but felt scared to tell her it wasn't working out with the other therapists. I had to let her know the truth though and felt more comfortable finding out at the therapists.
She now wants me to move out. I have not yelled or been mean to her or the kids since I got help 5-6 weeks ago when the medication started to work and I started to face what happened. My doctor thinks it PTSD and maybe a mood disorder.
I have a great relationship with my kids now Boy/Girl 14/15. I feel much better about myself. I still have nightmares but not sad or angry. Feel almost like I used to. I know than not telling the truth was wrong. I have been doing great otherwise. I have always had a good job so she could stay at home with kids and work four months at her families business.
I do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping etc..I always have since we married 17 years ago when she was in a nursing program. I also know that I have not been easy to live with for the last 8 years because of the mood swings and yelling. There was times I was good though. She said that she told me to get help before but I never heard her.
I am now scared not only cause I am losing her, won't be able to take care of the kids, but of being alone. How it's going to affect me. While I understand why she is mad I feel abandoned by her when I need family the most. I have no family other than my wife and kids. She has family that are telling and backing her. They think I am not worth trying to help/fix!
Sorry it's so long but needed to explain. I am now starting to have panic attacks and scared about my future.
Last edited by a moderator:
