After 5 Months Together, This Is What It's Come Down To.

[tphillips117]

Hi Solo,

I had thought about that (should have asked these questions from the beginning) when I began to write them. To be honest, when I first started calling around to get into therapy, Dr. M was the ONLY therapist to call me back at all. No kidding, I called 5, and not a single other one called me. At the time, I felt stuck. I felt unwanted before I even began (I'm sensitive). I think I settled because of the circumstances. But here I am. Better 5 months in, than never.

My fear and anxiety rules my life. I never got up the courage before to ask these questions. But my last session really pissed me off!!! To let me leave after I had just clearly dissociated in a very clear, concise and fightening way--to make me feel like he didn't give a crap about me. To never ONCE mention how to ground myself. To sit there and say "uh-huh" which means nothing to me. To feel just as bad today (if not worse) than I did when I began is appauling and unacceptable. I plan to be respecful, honest, to the point, and as direct as is humanly possible. Through all this, I still like him, and I'm willing to give him another shot if he makes me feel like he deserves one. If not, than I'm prepared to move on.

 

[^^FlyingSolo^^]

I love your attitude on this! If he receives your questions well and treats you with respect and sensitivity tomorrow you will have made a major breakthrough! If it works out you will have bonded in a way, and you'll be in a much better place. You will have conquered your fears, and taken control of your healing to a greater degree, and that's a lot to be proud of.

I'm rooting for you and hoping for the best.

xoxo
Solo

 

[tphillips117]

Aww, thanks Solo--that means a lot! I'm going to come back (right here) tomorrow and let everyone know how it went. Maybe, based on how it goes, I can encourage others to ASK for what THEY NEED in thier own therapy. The one thing I learned this week, is that's it's not about my therapist. It's not about what he feels or what he thinks. What matters is that I'm affected by his actions in a dramatic way, that they upset me, and that WE together need to resolve them if they don't work for me, or not.

I don't anticipate that he will get angry or defensive. He's so laid back that I don't think he'd get riled up by anything less than a gun pointed at him, and maybe not even then. If that should happen, I'd just politely excuse myself from the session and get home to call around once more. I feel brave, confident and sheer terror all in one. But I can do this. I'm going to do this. It's vital to my recovery, and you're right, I hope a major breakthrough...how awesome would that be? ;)

 

[Chosen]

I'm eager to find out how it goes. when do you meet?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am rooting for you, I hope the anxiety and the sick feeling goes away. Just remember to breathe. You can do this. You got yourself all ready and prepared. I am really proud of you.WTG!!!!!!!!!!:cool:

 

[tphillips117]

I wish I could give you all a hug because I feel SO MUCH better, and it's all because of your encourgement! I did it, I really did it. We went through every question one by one. He said he had no idea that he left me last week in a "disconnected" way, he said he was very sorry for it and with everything on my plate that the last thing he wanted was for me to feel rejection.

He's going to keep track of the 5 minute warning. Easy problem, easy solution. He said that a "difficult" client and a "complex client" are not the same thing. He said that I am not difficult but that I'm complex and there are certain aspects of my trauma which are unique and he's never dealt with them before. He reassured me that he was working on a solution in real time as we speak about them and that if he looks lost or confused that I should ask him.

He said he's treading lightly with me because he gets the impression that I'm not all in on therapy--with one foot in and out of the door. He said he knows how much I've been hurt in the past and that if he makes me feel like I'm doing the cannonball off the high dive that I will feel like I'm drowning and that he'll never seen me again b/c I'll be to traumatized to return. Trauma therapy=baby steps.

He's keeping the list of questions so that he can reference them in the future to tailor my therapy to my needs. He said in 30 years he's never had a client be that prepared with a list of questions, and the bravery and courage to ask them and he thanked me for that.

I feel like I have a better relationship with my therapist today, than I have in all the time we've spent together. I have nothing more on my mind, I have no more unanswered, lingering questions and now I can just move forward in peace. I always liked my therapist. Today, for the first time, I think he just might be able to help me. :)

 

[Ice_Fire]

YAY! :D I'm so happy for you. A big well done, it was very brave to approach him as you did, you deserve to give yourself a pat on the back.

I'm glad it's worked out and I hope you start to make some real progress with your T now. It might be slow, but as you said, the key is to take baby steps.

:D:D:D:tup:.

 

[tphillips117]

Thanks! I feel a little lighter today! It was so hard, so nerve wracking, I lost sleep, but SO WORTH IT!!!;)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Congratulations tphillips117!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:cool:WTG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:cool:

YOU LISTENED TO YOUR GUT INSTINCTS AND IT TURNED OUT INCREDIBALY GOOD. Now you are on a whole new level with your therapist. Now you have the tools to handle things like this in the future. It could have gone badly but it did'nt. I am so happy for you I am doing a happy dance for you on my keyboard. BIg HUGS.:roflmao::D:p:tup:

 

[^^FlyingSolo^^]

Yay way to go!!:tup: You were right all along and you handled it beautifully! He sounds great too. Congratulations! :)

Also I love the way your therapists put you at ease, and was sensitive to your list of questions and even complimented you, that's awesome.

You really made great strides today and it will enhance your healing in therapy from this point forward.:tup:

Way to go!

 

[Wordgirl]

YOU ARE AWESOME!! tphillips117, what bravery and courage you displayed. Believe me when I say that your actions will help me in the future. Thanks so much!

 

[tphillips117]

Thank you everyone! You all made it easier for me to face the fear and ASK for what I needed, plus the support was awesome. I'm so appreciative!

Like I've said, I've always liked my therapist and that helps tremendously. I found out that he really finds a lot he likes about me as well, and isn't that a question that so many of you really want to know--What does you therapist REALLY think of you? Just ask! I did, and I got an answer. I trust him more now than I ever did, and I hope I can now move forward with the therapy part because I'm really suffering and I need to get my life back!

Feel free to use my questions (tweak them to meet your own needs) and hand over the list in your own session. What's the worst that can happen? ;)