Again

[breathingheart]

I happen to agree with the presenter!! I don't think her message was "shut up, you have no voice, get over it" rather "it's rude to ask someone about the worst moment of their lives".

Solara, etc, of course, politeness is always good. But training people who work with complex trauma survivors that people with PTSD have some kind of trauma cooties that you should really avoid is stigmatizing and harmful. But thanks for the invalidation.

Nice people of the Internet, thanks for being so nice! I do feel better today.

When I went back and read your post, I realized how I overlooked the above concern, and I also really liked how you put this experience to words. I can feel this way, whenever I perceive that someone disapproves of me. You are the first person I've found,who described this so well.

Thanks for the compliment! And for tying it to disapproval and perception. That gives me a lot to think about.

It never goes away. You're right. The past cannot be changed. However, change is inevitable. With proactive involvement, the change really can be for the better.

Thanks for the affirmation. It feels good.

I do feel better today. You're right about change.

 

[breathingheart]

Being brave and strong and smart does not mean feelings of anger, sadness, fear, anxiety, etc do not exist. Some of my favorite quotes concerning this are below:

Thanks so much for the quotes! I'm going to put the Hemmingway one on my notebook or something for the next conference.

In the context of my role at this event I'm supposed to be "all better" or something like it. So, of course I can have feelings, but maybe I "shouldn't" have this black hole of shame popping up in my soul.

YOU are not terrible and shameful. What HAPPENED to you is terrible and shameful.

I know, but if what happened to me happened at the beginning of me and was part of my development since I was a baby... it kind of is me, yanno? I mean, not that it IS me, but that it's something I can't necessarily seperate from myself and be like, "this is who I am/was apart from trauma."

WillyKat those are some very wise words. Thank you.

FlyAway! Thanks for being mad with me!

 

[mamachick]

I am a little confused as well. What was the presenter speaking about and what was the population of the audiance. If the presenter was speaking to a group of people who are advocates of sorts, and not educated, trained, and experienced with working with trauma-it would be better to be left unquestioned. Those who are not specifically trained are at risk of being traumatized through others experiences. That is why it is so important to see someone trained in trauma. I would not want to damage another person by sharing. It is too much for many uneducated and inexperienced people.

There are well intended people who want to help but are not qualified. For example, advocates at a domestic violence shelter. There is a high burnout in such areas as this, but if the person does not have the skills to leave it at the office, it can have negative effects that will be accumulative and lasting.

I just dont know how to respond because I lack the knowledge of the purpose of the presenter and audiance.

 

[Seasounds]

@Breathing heart, your words settled the question; you are right, presenters should be trained to be respectful of their audience, non-stigmatizing.

 

[bell]

Just want to say that I can see the point @Solara made, and rather than invalidation, I think it's an interpretation. Those are two very different things.

Also, the original anger in your post worries me, especially if (as you suggest) that this was a conference for people dealing with other people with trauma. If I'm inferring correctly, then you might want to see someone about the anger portion before dealing with people with trauma for your own sake, as I feel it will only get worse. But perhaps I'm getting it wrong, just my $.02 cents.

 

[WillyKat]

Just another two cents:

Many of us here have interpreted the presenter's words to have various meanings. And that means the presenter messed up. If you're going to make a presentation at all related to PTSD, the responsibility is on you to carefully choose your words to match what you truly intend to say, avoid misinterpretation, and be positive and helpful. It doesn't seem to me like the presenter did that, but rather said something off the cuff.

Granted, I don't know the context though and maybe she (or was it a he?) was answering a question and spit out something that just didn't come out right. Even scripted phrases sometimes can just come out sideways. I don't do presentations much anymore, but I can tell you that once the scripted part ends, it's pretty easy to mangle the answer to a question. But you still have to back up and say it again, and maybe again, until it does come out right.

 

[mamachick]

I was at a conference a while ago where a presenter advised people not to ask people like me about our trauma histories because they are so hard and painful to hear. I hate her and people like her so much. I just want to spew my trauma all over them.

I have read posts again but am still a bit confused about the population at this conference. As I said in an earlier post, if the audience is not qualified to deal with traumas, it can be bad for both people.

I had many hours of trauma training prior to ptsd. Six months after being attacked but still undiagnosed with ptsd, I went to a conference for those in the field with masters degrees. The presenter spoke about her own traumas very candidly-she held nothing back though I cant remember much of what she said. I wanted desperately to leave but someone had dropped me off and was an hour away from home with no transportation.I returned after lunch. The presenter continued and shared how she found peace and overcame. It really was not very educational or experiential for therapists. I was left feeling even more inadequate. If she found all this good in all this bad, what was wrong with me, why was I so emotional and stuck. It haunted me. Three days later I had my first and only suicide attempt at age 50.

Looking back-even though I was qualified through education, training and experience, due to my own recent trauma, I should have not attended this-much too graphic for a hopeless person.

I try to stay away from black and white thinking. That is why I asked about the scope of the conference and the population. It was not meant to be judgemental or unsupportive, and only to clarify the purpose of the content.