General Again

[ManagerWife]

The rollercoaster continues. My husband, the sufferer got fired again. This is the second time he's been fired from a job in less then 10 months. This was his 4th job in the last 10 months. He up and quit the other two with no notice. He's 52. Job before last he was actually doing well, 4 months in, even got a raise, was top salesman, then CRASH! He couldn't handle the pressure and started job hunting, landed another sales job and quit. New sales job he got fired after 9 days. I begged him not to leave the other job. He never listens. Always chasing the greener grass. Always hits the same roadblock, 3-4 months in he can't cope. He runs, flees, finds everything wrong to justify leaving/quitting/getting fired.

I don't think his meds are making any difference now. Tonight he started slamming doors, yelling at the kids, screaming at me. He justified it because I've been upset that he's now unemployed again. My tags on my vehicle have literally been expired for nearly a year now because we can't afford to pay them! Of course I'm upset. He's so unstable. He's crying one minute, yelling the next, threatening to pack his shit and leave the next minute after that. He's a madman. He's seems worse each year.

I work from home, was working tonight on the phone with a client, he started pounding on my office door, I had locked him out hoping he'd leave me alone. Instead it infuriated him more. My client heard him pounding on the door yelling in the background. I was mortified. All we have now is my job, our only source of income and he's going to f*ck that up too???

Is this it? Is there ever a light at the end of this tunnel???? His meds aren't helping, weekly therapy sessions, monthly psychiatrist. He's just getting worse.

If I kick him out he will literally be homeless. His family had shunned him. He has no friends.

He impulsive behavior and one bad decision after another have led us to bankruptcy. Litterally. Our credit is shot. We're behind on all of our bills. I have two small children I have to care for.

I just don't think I can care for him anymore. It's too painful. He's impossible to manage. I am angry at him. Why is everything so hard for him??? No matter how many times he promised me he "won't do that again" he always does. It's like he's a drink or drug addict, except he's 100% sober. Just has this PTSD label and prescription bottles to try to ease his mind.

He told me he wakes up with stomach pain from anxiety every morning and that he's white knuckling it every day.

I do not know what to do!

 

[Sweetpea76]

You have to take care of the kids first. He can't endanger your income. That'd be my breaking point.

 

[Friday]

Why is everything so hard for him???

He has a cyclic disorder called PTSD? Kinda like asking why reading is so hard for a dyslexic ;)

If I kick him out he will literally be homeless.

That's not necessarily a bad thing. Homelessness is a pretty good motivator. It also strips away all of the everything that's too difficult to deal with (family, finances, social expectations, etc.), and leaves him with a very short list of things to accomplish. I've done it a few times. It's often a stone cold bitch to come back from, but it does simplify things rather quickly. It's also kicks up the level of urgency for his treatment providers / frees them up with a few more options.

I would NOT do this as a manipulation tactic, because there are about 40 different ways he could go with suddenly finding his life gone... But those 40 different directions are also not your responsibility. DO consult with an attorney, because you'll need to work out what alimony you're paying him (if any, it varies from state to state), division of debts & assets. a visitation schedule / temporary parenting plan with the kids, and the other details & broad strokes of divorce... Similarly, since he does have a treatment team I'd also suggest discussing it with them to keep things as de escalated as possible / give them the nod that more & different services are going to be needed on their part.

 

[ManagerWife]

He has a cyclic disorder called PTSD? Kinda like asking why reading is so hard for a dyslexic ;)

Yes I am fully aware he has PTSD. I was frustrated and figuratively speaking as if asking the universe WHY? And also asking for some insight from others who have experience in this situation as well.

That'...

In no way was I asking for divorce advice. I'm fully aware of how that works. We have zero assests, filing bankruptcy, no alimony would be paid and he's not the biological father of my children. So no worry about visitation there. This man could not handle visitation with his own biological children and doesn't see them. He can not function. In any facet of his life.

My post was made in pain and frustration. Pure exhaustion. I came here for support and insight.

 

[ManagerWife]

And thanks, yep I'm fully aware he has a discorded called PTSD.

 

[ManagerWife]

I'm up at 4:30 am typing here because he decided to come in and wake me up because he is lonely on the couch. I sent him back to the couch. My compassion is drained.

 

[Sweetpea76]

You're going to have to lay down the law about disturbing you while you're working to support the family, including him. Absolutely no interruptions unless something or someone is on fire. He is a grown adult, and he may sabotage his own financial wellbeing, but that does not give him the right to take the family down with him. Your children probably know not to disturb you while you're working, he can figure it out too.

It sounds like you're going to have to take control. You cannot rely on his income. You cannot allow him to mess with your income. Period.

He sounds like he is severely symptomatic now. Have you seen if he can get into an inpatient facility?

 

[LuckiLee]

Do you know for sure he's actually taking his meds?

Maybe @Sweetpea76 is right. He may need an inpatient facility. Go with him to his next appointment to address these issues.

I feel for you!

 

[Beans]

Can he at least file for disability? If he has the official diagnosis and a long history of not being able to keep jobs and function he may qualify. Maybe not the first or second time, but it's worth a shot. At least some income would be coming in.

 

[LuckiLee]

I was jus thinking the same thing @Beans. ^^^

 

[Sweetpea76]

That's a good point. He may not be able to be employed at this point because of the PTSD.

 

[Snowflakes]

@ManagerWife I have hit that point a few times. During the last episode I managed to get a trusted friend to stay at our house for a week. It didn't do much for my sufferer but she behaved while the friend was here and I got that much needed break.