This is just a suggestion, and it may not help a bit, but it is an idea, something to possibly explore. Maybe what you can do is give him a code word, or indicate to him that you are hurting and need to cry. Then retreat to another room, have your cry. Then open up a journal, any kind of notebook thingy where you can write. Write what brought you to the point of needing to cry, how it felt to let it out, and how you feel after the cry. This journal is for you, and allow him to look at it as often as he needs to so that he can gain some insight as to how you feel in this non threatening manner. And ask him to do it too- he is a guy so he may not be comfortable with long entries, but he can put in a statement or two about what he thinks. This way you are communicating without having to clash in the way that you both handle your emotional responses, and are able to express what you think in a more constructive way. It is similar to the letter writing and leaving it out for him to find- only in this way it is by design and agreed upon, which makes it way less threatening.
It is just an idea. Because no matter what we all say about what is right, or wrong, or fair, or unfair, or whatever- in the end, you feel how you feel, and you have to be able to keep feeling. If my supporter said that my crying was manipulative I swear I would punch him in his face. But, he knows that, and he knows it is not manipulative and is just a form of release- but he has the luxury of not having ptsd too. Understanding is all he can do, even when he doesn't. But my situation is different than yours in that regard- but finding a medium is essential. You have to work together if you're going to coexist.
