Allowing Chaos

[Deleted member 12723]

I sometimes feel that saving us was right. Other times, I wonder if it would have been a mercy to have let it happen. I know it's morbid.

I think it is very understandable considering what you both survived and have to live daily with the aftermath of all of the myriad abuses you suffered and endured but I am so glad that you are here because I have a special fondness for you and I think that you are simply amazing in all of the ways you have overcome and excelled in your life.:hug:

 

[Powder]

@gizmo thank you for the uplift. I'm in a depression. I know it because of the symptoms are so physical as well as emotional and it's been almost a month, so not just temporary PMS. Pain levels are very high. Almost went to the ER because menstrual cramps felt like actual labor pains. This happened last month, off of Xanax. I was fine. Then I went through X withdrawal. Then PMS hit, and it PMS was much more uncomfortable and distracting, so I hypothesize that Xanax was either treating my PMDD or I am experiencing PMDD as a withdrawal symptom.

I'm wondering if the withdrawal from Xanax is playing no small part in the depression. I know depression happens from SSRI withdrawal as well.

I believe I have to wait it out. I know I'm stronger than this, and I got this. But it truly does suck.

The light is very dim, and I'm afraid of how far I might be from normal. I don't want my PTSD to show at work, or to embarrass myself or my family. I went off Xanax this summer, so I guess I'm in the testing time. Failure is not an option.

I know that it will be okay. I feel this today, but I didn't yesterday, so maybe I've hit the bottom of this thing. :confused::sick: