Am I Being Rude?

[Casey_03]

Well, not actually lying, she just said before she had somewhere else to stay in two weeks ... but she's definitely freeloading all around and taking advantage .. if I were a guest in someone's home, someone who was letting me stay there free of charge, I'd be quiet as a mouse. She's making loads of noise and acting like the place is hers. Even my cat doesn't like her.

 

[Ronin]

Even my cat doesn't like her.

Make it easier on your pet and get her out.
She's stressing you, your baby, /and/ your pet?
Totally not her place to be.

 

[nursenurse]

I like my own space and privacy, and if someone foisted that upon me I would be mad as a hatter. He said a few days, which 14 days is not. Tell her she cannot stay, that he only told you as he was on his way out the door. Then I woul be vetting new roomies. He doesn' sound like a real peach to me, more like a pit. I know professional house sitters, they do not carry their flats on their backs.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

The leaving the bathroom door open would make me mader than hell! I yelled at my step mom for that and she's family!

Either tell her to find a new place in 48 hrs or wait til she house sits; issue is, that house sitting bit could be a lie to buy time.

Hard situation but id put my foot down! I didnt allow this, its my house, get the f*ck out!

Oh and if my animals dont like her, all the more reason!

 

[desiderata310]

Ok. She's needs a place to stay for two weeks, I would ask for rent. Not unreasonable. Doesn't have to be snotty or mean, simply say, I was not anticipating having a house guest. I was CERTAINLY not anticipating nor can I afford to have a guest for 2 weeks. I need you to pay X amount by X. Please understand that you must be out by X because this is a violation of my rental agreement.
Now for some ground rules: please understand that the kitchen is open from x to x and closed from X to X time and make plans accordingly. Add to this as you see fit.
PUT ALL OF THIS IN WRITING and have her sign it. If she balks you simply say you are covering your own ass. If she doesn't like it, recommend a couple of hotels she can stay at.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@desiderata310 now that is all wonderful ideas!

Add must be considerate, close bathroom door, respective mannors in all ways, keep noise to a min...etc [add addtl rules that seem reasonable]!

 

[Anarchy]

Sounds like she lives by sponging off people like your flat mate.

When's he due back?

 

[blackemerald1]

No, @Casey_03 she is a free loader. Don't worry about potential scandals, probably she has free loaded on most of her work mate's & their friends...
Don't belt yourself up over providing & defending your space.
You are in the nesting stage of your pregnancy.
Time to get rid of parasites & freeloader's.
If you have difficulty doing this for yourself...do it for baby & your cat.

In fact tell her just that..."My baby & cat want you to leave.." (A little bit of crazy goes a long way at times).

I would be prepared to set firm boundaries with room mate when he returns.

 

[Knak]

Well, not actually lying, she just said before she had somewhere else to stay in two weeks ... but she'...

I am presenting the opposite point of view as yours, necessary to keep "takers" from essentially stealing from you, since you aren't familiar with using it. And by shaking you up it may jostle your present mindset into acting different and the sooner the better. If you are on this forum it is because you probably have problems preventing getting hurt.

Getting her out now is most essential I think. You don't need to wonder one more minute. You do not need to care about her welfare because she does not care about you. She will take whatever she can pry from any helpless person. She may be able to convince people she is sincere but it is an undetectably phony act.

I would not have waited for her to get there. I normally give people 15 minutes to respond. It is healthy for you and her to have respect for others' time.

Seems like she is a lying liar. With the allowance you already showed it is hard to change to a drastic approach, but it won't matter in the end. I would throw a screaming fit in attempt to scare her to get out NOW! She sees weakness in you as her opportunity to continue abusing you.

She's not emotionally humane in my mind and doesn't deserve consideration. Don't let her talk because she has no justification. You have no justification in letting her use you.

Your roommate has no respect - too arrogant or scared to ask and discuss it with you ahead of time, or to get the facts from the girl ahead of time. He didn't care about your possessions, your safety, or your refuge. He denies his subordinate position. I would intimidate him and read him the riot act. Tell him to get her out now, no excuses, or threaten him with losing his residence.

That is the only way I have found to deal with people who don't care about you. Get them out of your life. They will continue to use and hurt you and others until they learn. Guaranteed. Some people aren't capable of learning that.

Just threaten, scream, scare them, get other scary people to help you, etc. like your life depends on it because it does.

 

[Casey_03]

@Knak Thanks. I tried to be patient for several days now but earlier today spoke to my roommate and asked him to get her out. He just gave me an attitude and said she'd be leaving in a few days anyway. Short of calling police, there's not much I can do now. If I were stronger, and not heavily pregnant and sick, I would cause a big scandal and scream until she left, but every time I get irritated with the situation, my stomach ulcer flares up and I end up in excruciating pain. I think I will just cause myself more stress if I go to extremes to get her out. Might have to just go stay in a hotel myself.

 

[blackemerald1]

No @Casey_03 what the hell are you thinking woman?
So, roommate is back & she (the uninvited) is not gone? I suggest you calmly speak to roommate & inform him HE has got 24 hrs to rid your home of HIS guest... or, he goes too.
Have you no instincts for self preservation? Could it be you are feeling sick from indecision, stress, having no say about what & who turns up on your door & moves in?
Get a grip now. Sorry, but I am unable to fathom why such a fundamental decision is beyond you?
What is going on that you cannot or will not take action (aside from some notion to move yourself out...)?
This baby is most important, you alongside it equally so. What's going to happen in your absence, if you do move yourself out (for a few days & then go into labor)??
I expect, you will do more harm than you think by avoiding this. These people are parasites, particularly when they know you are unwell as well as pregnant.
Put it this way, with the information you have told the forum in this Thread, if you are in the position of being evicted because she is in your home & you want a safe haven to live in. Why are you risking it all? Sorry, don't get it at all?

 

[Casey_03]

@blackemerald1 I thought I explained it clearly above -- any time I start to fuss over the situation, I end up doubled over in pain from this stomach ulcer and my blood pressure skyrockets (not good for the baby). That, to me, seems a lot riskier right now. My priority is minimizing stress as much as possible for the sake of the baby. I tried to talk to the roommate calmly and it just caused more stress; the only other options available will cause even more. I don't know why that is so hard to understand. It's easy for you to sit here and tell me what I should do, but you are not the one who ends up collapsing to the floor in pain and having to worry if the stress is harming the baby. The fundamental decision is not beyond me, it's actually pretty clear here -- do what's best for baby. Right now that is avoiding stress, period. Shouting at the roommate and threatening to call the police, which seems to be my last option here, is going to send stress levels through the roof.