Am i crazy...?

[Supervixn]

I have a history of sexual abuse, and my ex husband sexually abused our child. The latter was a huge surprise and really shook up my perceptions. Just to preface.

Anyway. I know I am hypervigilent and it's hugely about sex/sexual attraction/perversion/etc.

I'm really struggling, privately, with the belief that my bf is in love romantically and sexually attracted to his sister. She's like 24 I think. We are older.

I just get this feeling. His eyes change when she's around, he stares at her and body parts, his voice changes. He gets excited when she texts calls or talks to him. He acts depressed when they aren't talking. She was mad at him for not attending her bday while he was out of town with me... she threw this passive aggressive tantrum and ignored him purposefully at their dead uncles viewing. It threw me into a different state and I've hated her ever since. I called him on her behavior but all he did was justify it.

This thing, it just seems more to me. But I don't know if it's me and my past and if it's neccessarily true to my perceptions. I'm not always right.

I don't know what to do but it's causing me a lot of distress and pain. I don't know.

 

[EveHarrington]

If what you are saying is true in regards to their behavior (accurate perception that is, not that I think you're lying to us), then it seems like there is unhealthy enmeshment at the very least.

Do you know what their childhood was like?

How serious is your relationship with him?

I'm not saying jump ship-----but hooo-boy, this is potentially a major red flag.

And if the behavior you describe is an accurate perception, then I think you should question whether or not you want a future with this guy.

I think your first priority is your child. These behaviors would set off major warning bells for me. I wouldn't want my child around this stuff.

Maybe it is hard to tell what to do because of all the PTSD stuff, but since there is a child involved, it's better to err on the side of caution.

I'm getting the heebie-jeebies just thinking about this guy eyeing his sister! (No, this is not a healthy brother sister relationship!)

I say go with your gut on this one. Family dynamics are just an accept as they are kind of thing. As the partner, there's not much of anything you can do to "fix" things----especially if your guy just brushes it off.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Sounds like a really unhealthy relationship with no healthy sibling boundaries. Sounds yucky really!!!! If you don't have that much invested in this relationship with your BF, you might want to rethink it!!!!,

 

[Supervixn]

Thanks for the reply Eve :)

Yeah... I just don't know if I'm seeing things wrong bc of my past and my issues, along with the fact that my family is absolutely cold and distant and not as communicative as his fam is. I don't know if my perceptions are accurate but they usually are in most instances.

I felt this same way about a previous bf too but I never got to see the previous bf and sister interact or anything. So I dont know if its me.

I know from what he has told me, growing up appeared normal suburbia fam but there was conflict and a lot of blaming on their mother. The parents divorced when he was late teens and mom kicked everyone out of the house... all I know. He is always blaming his mom, I think they all do. He tries hard to impress his family bc he had a messy couple years, but I don't think he is aware of his dependence on their approval. He is a good man otherwise I just don't trust any man in that department, sorry if that offends anyone.

How do I know if I'm imagining it or if it's true, it's not like anyone would admit to anything like this? I question every man.

 

[Deleted member 541]

In this situation you might be right.... in your last one, without actually "seeing" any odd behavior then you were wrong IMO!!!! Not every man is a creep or a pervert. Learn to spot red flags but don't imagine them.........