Sexual Assault Am I Nuts To Consider The Nurses Rapists

[shimmerz]

Does it though, as saying X category as a blanket statement, doesn't usually mean harm, is not saying ALL of that category don't mean harm,

So let's say that 'Mothers and Fathers do not "enjoy" hurting their children .'

There is the potential for abuse in any power exchange situation. I understand that this may not have been the situation with the OP, but her original statement was that she felt like she had been raped. That needs to be dealt with. So the OP should be seeing a therapist (imho) to see how she can release the emotions that came with these two events. Not being told that nurses don't 'enjoy' hurting. Some do. Been there, done that.

I get how we all don't want to think that this stuff happens.... but it does. @GWhizz, I understand how offensive this may be given that you are a nurse. I am sorry for that. But telling the OP that her thoughts are wrong is not helping her. just like people telling a incest survivor that 'Daddies don't do that', to shut them up because they can't deal with the implications, helps either.

 

[Tigergirl1217]

Thank you for this comment!

I'm a nurse and I've had colleagues accused of rape for doing wound dressing...

It is not the parental consent that bugs me it is how my mom just stood there and told me to stop crying which she thought was "comforting". The main thing that bugs me is how unsympathetic they did it what I realized is the little girl me is mad at her parents for not letting out the emotions and now she is now Screaming because she could not in the past

 

[Tigergirl1217]

So let's say that 'Mothers and Fathers do not "enjoy" hurting their children .'

There...

thank you very much for pointing that out! :)

 

[scout86]

The first experience I remember with a doctor involved being lied to. Flat out lie. I was NOT amused. (I was about 5.) Told the story to my T once & his comment was that doctors like that are good for his business.

But, going back to the original question. Are you "nuts"? Probably not. Are you describing it accurately? Well, you MIGHT be accurately describing how it felt at the time, but, based on up dated information? Probably not accurate. I'm in the "it was bad enough as it was without calling it something else" camp. The thing is, what's REALLY important is "what's the most useful way for you to look at it going forward?" Isn't it? Because you want to improve where you're at, right? And, while minimizing isn't helpful, how useful is it to impose "facts" not in evidence? It might be accurate to say "You felt violated" and to compare that to the way someone might feel about being raped, or any of a number of other things. But, since you don't know, and probably can't ever know, the feelings and motivations of the adults who were involved, is there a point to guessing at what they might have been? You felt the way you did, regardless. Going forward, it's about how you processed events then, what effect that's had on the rest of your life, and what you're going to do now. You could spend the rest of your life hating them and blaming them and never really knowing what all that was, from their perspective, or you can chose to deal with where you're at and where you want to go. It's not about them, it's about you.

 

[The Albatross]

Oh for Cripe's sake, even dentists and their associates SMILE when tending to children. Why? Because so many of them are frightened. It doesn't mean they're sadistic pedophiles though statistically there are likely to be some. When I had to save a few kids from drowning when I was a life guard or gave a kid first aid... I smiled too... NOT because I enjoyed their suffering, but to normalize the situation so they wouldn't be more scared than they already were.

 

[Chava]

I'm sorry for your trauma and feelings of powerlessness @Tigergirl1217 . Some of my early trauma was medical and definitely impacted my whole relationship to my body...and reality.

Can we not find language that recognises how incredibly traumatic this was for the OP without lumping medical staff into the same category as rapists and child molesters?

I was unconscious and on life support during the invasive procedures I endured. I still feel like I'm trying to pull a tube out of my throat sometimes. My body still probably fights against the trauma of the original near-death situation and also the medical response. But I can say I had a very kind doctor who understood children and did the best he could in the situation. He let me remove some of the monitors and bandages myself when that was okay. I was still powerless, but he understood I needed every piece of power I could get. There are shitty doctors and great ones, and the whole gray area in between. As an adult, I empower myself through finding doctors I feel comfortable with.

Ultimately I did not have a family equipped to help me recover. The medical trauma I experienced, while life threatening and scary, has been survived by many other children with probably less difficulty. I was already set up to dissociate and disembody.

 

[Chrisie]

Hi Tigergirl,

I am a registered nurse and I am indeed sorry for what happened to you as a child.

As nurses, we try very hard to ensure a safe, secure and non-threatening environment for all in our care. Unfortunately, and as several others have responded, there are members of my profession who do not practice with in the same boundaries or with the same values.

While I do not know the reason for your catheterization, it is a necessary procedure in a range of diagnostic and therapeutic interventions. But is is always an invasive procedure which leaves patients vulnerable and it should be handled with sensitivity no matter the age or gender of the patient.

I don't feel the nurses were rapists: I do believe they were incapable of performing to the ethical and moral standards that their profession demands and I sincerely wish I could offer you more in way of an explanation.

 

[shimmerz]

Well, you MIGHT be accurately describing how it felt at the time

Yes. And I think this is how therapy starts. With a 'how does it feel', which a ton of people have to grasp for .... and it takes a long, long time. So congratulations! This is how it felt!

"what's the most useful way for you to look at it going forward?"

And that is the next step of the process. Hopefully the input from this thread will help you to move forward with finding new words for it. I like Scouts wording, but as survivors, we need to find our own ....

Good for you for sticking with this thread that most certainly was not an easy one ....

Best of luck to you Tiger!

 

[Stickler]

Your mom just stood there and let them hurt you. Watched them and told you to stop crying.

That must have felt like a huge betrayal.

 

[Ronin]

but her original statement was that she felt like she had been raped.

You see, but the problem with this is, feeling x being violated in a specific way, are two different things.

It's absolutely recovery boosting to validate feelings of violation, the 'feeling' raped. But to assure a person they were being raped? Is another territory altogether, and promotes unhealthy relationship to people and the world. It also makes harder looking for care.

Said with care for truth & reality in mind. I lost several years I could have looked for care because good and caring survivors validated wrong persuations I had, in regards to abuse. I don't want people to do my mistakes based in erroneous cognitions.

 

[Ronin]

Oh for Cripe's sake, even dentists and their associates SMILE when tending to children.

And this.

Let's also keep in mind smiles are culture dependent, heavily. It can be nervousness, it can be wanting to convey friendly intentions, it can be any number of things that are all not about enjoying suffering.

Children tend to evoke smiles in majority of people, just because they are children & smiles are care for them / aww you cute person, let me help you out. The opposite of sadistic lemme show you how much I can f*ck you up, psycho.

 

[The Albatross]

Conflating the issue @shimmerz does not assist the original poster. My experience is my experience, I have spoken here in depth about the flaws of child perceptions (elsewhere and a while ago) and don't care to go into it again. It does not mean I am not empathetic, or don't consider it a trauma... it means that having shared a medical trauma or two or three... I don't with my adult mind, sign up for less beneficial thinking when I had ample evidence my in my own story to conclude that my childhood impressions, were quite WRONG some of the time. All of the time? Nope but what value is that to me going forward?