Am I overreacting about someone calling me nuts and crazy?

[Justmehere]

Good Heavens, would they expect a battered wife to "forgive" by going back to the husband again?

Yeah. I don't even want to know their answer on this.

I think they are trying to help, but have little awareness and/or haven't really done much work of their own or something. I also feel like I'm doing something weird in all of this. I mean, they are generally super duper nice and kind and boundaried folks, that are too worried to just let go and leave a thing alone.

 

[Neverthesame]

They later explained it was because they didn’t like my dog (who was as far away as she could be at the end of her leash.

The f*ck? That's the worst attempt at misdirection I have ever heard of.
The only thing less believable is a small child denying that they stole from the cookie jar while their hand is still inside the jar.
But even if that's somehow actually true, who the f*ck is she to assault you? I hate being in the same room as a screaming toddler, but if I walk up to the kids mother and punch her square in the face, I go to jail and rightly so. Plus everyone I know would be demanding to know what the f*ck was wrong with me. There was no justification for that at all.

he texts me back to ask if he should come help (no) and then about how I need to forgive the woman who slapped me in the face.

Why?

He said it was a good response.

Everyone's an expert after the fact. Besides, who asked him? Doing whatever you felt was right by you and her, was the right response.

everyone is allowed to give feedback and sometimes that will mean personal attacks and name calling.”

Everyone is also allowed to stick their fingers in their ears and shout "LA LA LA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU. LALALA!"

What is wrong with these people?!

No idea. I wouldn't be surprised if God himself is facepalming right now about this, wondering what part of the recipe he missed assembling that lot.

I broke down. I screwed up. I own that. I yelled (not ok), “Stop it! I have had enough!

I normally would agree, except in this case. They seem to feel this is a perfectly acceptable way to conduct themselves.
When in Rome...

This friend told me she would not be yelled at and did what I should have done - and swiftly ended the call.

Really? Funny how it suddenly becomes unacceptable when one of them is on the reviving end of (very much justified) anger.
I'd say drop them all like a hot potato and start looking for a new group, this one's broken.

 

[Changing4Best]

Yes, give it a few days, to make sure you making the decision in a healthy frame of mind, then do it, if it still seems the right road to take.

I agree with the above, God is up there doing something in response to all this that at the very least is disapproval towards them. I think He might sometimes have second thoughts about giving out free will in cases like this. However, free will is available to all. He does not pick and choose who is allowed to have it and who is not.

Hang in there!

 

[Abstract]

So sorry to hear about the attack and the rest. :( Hope things settle soon.

I'm probably not the most helpful person to answer and deliberated before doing so. Please feel very free to totally discard my words here. In my opinion you are probably partly hitting up against boundary issues and in my experience some religious groups have a different sense of this to that encouraged in a healthy therapy enlightened environment. Healthy in my opinion. I don't think its that unusual to experience a push away from looking after the self and rather others, at the expense of self. I also don't think its what Christianity intends but is what oftens happens. Personally can't do these environments (and will admit to issues with religion) but if I did I would probably go in with my eyes open and expect people to be heavy on the whole "forgiveness" thing and light on the whole personal wellbeing first , or personal space thing. There isn't really the proper absorption of what love thy neighbour as thyself thingy really means. Personally am all for having realistic expectations for wherever I find myself and appropriate plans.

Realise you may think I have a skewed opinion of these environments and you are correct but am still of the opinion when it comes to these particular types of considerations. Don't think you are at all alone. Would be tempting to buy them all a copy of one of those Christian written Boundary books like those written by Cloud and Townsend. ;)

 

[Justmehere]

I can’t help but kinda think God might have been thinking, “jmh, fine, you won’t stop talking to them? Here’s an old woman with dementia who is going to throw your phone into the street....get it now?”

(I don’t think God actually works that way. But it is funny.)

It is also kinda funny my friend set the (appropriate) boundary about my yelling at her...about her giving me a hard time for setting a limit for yelling.

Omg. Seriously. We are a mess.

 

[Friday]

You have waaaaaaaaaay more tolerance for stupid than I do.

I can’t help but kinda think God might have been thinking, “jmh, fine, you won’t stop talking to them? Here’s an old woman with deminta who is going to throw your phone into the street....get it now?”.

I’m with God on this one.

 

[mamachick]

She has a real problem. I don't like the words "nuts" "crazy" "insane" and the like but have used them in humor with someone is clearly not those things...such as husband. This person, in my opinion is over the top. She has some serious issues and needs some real help. Nothing charitable here.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Wow, you are way more patient than me.
This'd be my course of action too:

I'd say drop them all like a hot potato and start looking for a new group, this one's broken.

 

[Tinyflame]

(I don’t think God actually works that way

Yes, I think that's exactly how God works, :) , that was out of your control. And to show you people can still be grateful to you for your input and help, and reasonable, and how reasonable you were in response, not requiring the Police to be contacted. Quite a contrast to the issue you're dealing with. The woman with dementia sounds more sane than the one you're dealing with, at least she agreed to go back to the Nursing Home and all was resolved. And she has dementia.

I think they are trying to help, but have little awareness and/or haven't really done much work of their own or something. I also feel like I'm doing something weird in all of this

No, you'd be doing something deleterious to you to ignore it, and pretend it didn't unfold as it did. Your business is your business, and they have to mind theirs'.

 

[shimmerz]

I keep getting contacted about it. I need them all to just stop.

Yes. You do. That is a healthy goal.

And needing the crazy to stop and adults behave like adults?

I really like this. Well said Ronin.

I told him I mostly just needed to make sure I didn’t join a church that was totally wack.

Which is the right thing to do. This stuff can't be good for your mental health.

someone from the retirement home up the street was wandering down the street and came up on my lawn (I didn’t see them until it was too late) and slapped me in the face and threw my phone in the street.

I am working on this kind of stuff with my T right now. Not sure if you can relate but I spin out sometimes because it seems unreasonable of me to think that everyone around me is acting crazy and I am the sane one. So I fall into a brain spin that takes me into very bad places psychologically.

T is helpful. She says it is my way of communicating and my having been trained to put up with shit that nobody else does. Which makes sense. And the thing is, when others are involved it is like a negotiation. People who are part of the negotiation are like 'well this one is easier to beat down than the batshit crazy one, so let's lean on her'.

I know I have a high tolerance for bullshit. I haven't sorted it out yet with T but will be once I get this housing stuff straight. It's a huge priority for when I really step out in this world again.

Not about forgiveness.

I feel like it could be about forgiveness if someone were to actually take responsibility for what they were doing with a clear boundary of 'you aren't allowed to manipulate me by threatening self harm. Ever'. Which they are not. Until that time the word forgiveness should not even be broached with you. Period.

“Stop it! I have had enough!

I did this not that long ago. Lost what I thought to be a friend over it. If I had had better words and been able to realize how to shut down the conversation before I lost it on her it may have been okay, but alas, it was not. That's the thing with me. I can put up with so much. It takes so much for me to lose it on someone. That is again something I will be working on with T. I think it is just because I have put up with so much nonsense (forced to actually) and have no idea when things are leading down the rabbit hole until it is too late. Very sorry this happened to you.

We have a fundamental theological disagreement that can not be resolved by talking at this time."

My T always says that less is more. I tend to get caught in spun out explanations. Again, this comes from my abusive background. I am working very hard on trying to keep things simple. Problem is when I am blindsided my higher brain isn't necessarily available to me. I am learning how to use a canned answer when I feel attacked. Something definitive - like you said ^^^. Great way of dealing!

Am I being too distrustful?

Just wondering where you have seen (besides the 'in charge dude') anyone involved in this fiasco who has been trustable. I mean, I think they can be trusted to try to coerce you into accepting things as they are. Pretty sure you and I both know that isn't in your best interests. So - no - you are being distrustful for a reason. And a good one at that. Who the f*ck calls someone in an already volatile situation at 11 pm at night to say 'Not going to talk about this' and then 2 minutes later gets all into it?

I don't think these people want what is right or fair. They want someone to shut up about it and they are willing to beat you down for that. The more words you say, the more holes they will find to try to get you to back down and accept what they deem is acceptable. Sound familiar at all?

You can trust these people now that I think about it. You can trust them to keep on you because they don't like the fighting and they don't want to mess with the other chick because she is all for threatening self harm. That makes you the easiest target. Which is why, I suspect they keep on you about it.

People are like water. They want to take the road of least resistance. Which is you - the one who isn't threatening to slit her wrists.

So help them to trust you and that you will - without a doubt - no variations - shut them down anytime they talk to you about it. Clearly speaking about this is not helpful at all to you. You need to protect your mental health around these people, that has become obvious.

Not sure if any of this is feasible or not, so of course, take it or leave it.

 

[Nessa7]

I'm in a faith group for people with mental illnesses. Shit gets ridiculous sometimes.

One way that I keep this kind of stuff from driving me crazy is by changing the way I explain my side in the situation. I pretend I'm my therapist and she's trying to explain this to one of her clients. I am also "concerned that they are not reacting appropriately." I reframe everything to be about how their response is hurting people that aren't me. They aren't exactly doing this woman any favors by trying to pretend she didn't do the things that she admits to doing. I may look up self-help stuff and just recite it or read if it is over the phone and pretend I came up with it.

My trump card is tattling. It doesn't seem like your friends and other people in this situation are willing to trust your judgment. In that case, I take the issue to someone that they will listen to. The way I think about it is that I can keep banging my head against the wall or I can go to someone that won't have as much difficulty.

I admit that this sounds kind of manipulative, but I do save this for the major incidents that are pretty black-and-white.

 

[LuckiLee]

They want your forgiveness. But have any of them apologized or has the name caller asked for forgiveness? Didn't think so! Time to move on. Listen to God. ;)