Am i overreacting?

[Hapok]

A while ago, I had a fight with my sufferer. I had allready stopped talking as not to agitate him even more. He turned up the volume of the music in the car so loud it hurt (I usually like loud music, this was really hurting my ears) I asked him to stop but he ignored me. It was not because he wanted to listen to the music, he did it intentionally to intimidate me. I just sat there with my fingers to my ears. I could'nt get out of the car as he was the one driving and we were on the freeway.

Am I overreacting if I still feel angry and resentful about this weeks later? I can't seem to shake it this time.

 

[Felalih]

Has he apologized or tried to make amends?

 

[Hapok]

Has he apologized or tried to make amends?

Well, he later claimed that it was to shut me up, but that is not true, I had allready stopped talking. In fact, I was the one who asked him if we could stop talking. Maybe that set him off. No apology, he feels entitled and justified.

 

[Hatumi]

How do you know he did it deliberately to intimidate you? Has he said that? Maybe he did it as he needed to 'escape' the conversation so that he wasn't overwhelmed while he was driving on the freeway? He may have needed the music as a distraction from his emotions? Maybe he did it to ensure that you didn't start talking again?

I would not be intimidated by loud music. Irritated maybe, but it seems like you have taken it as an aggressive gesture on his part.

 

[Pomoz]

You know him better than us here. I say to go with your gut feelings. I mean, PTSD is not an excuse to be an asshat. "No apology, he feels entitled and justified." I don't think you're over-reacting.

 

[Hapok]

I guess you are right about me taking it as an agressive gesture. It might have been an escape. Especially since he was driving and needing to focus. Thanks for your replies.

 

[Zeguga]

I use music to drown out thing's when I am overstimulated. The tapping of someones foot or sounds of a heavy sigh can feel like too much stimulation when I am over stressed. Music sooths it. I personally use earbuds so no one else hears the music. Ask him about it. If that is what he was doing, then he should have a pair for the car.

 

[Maluc]

I personally think that it's a crappy excuse to say he did it for distraction or whatever. The woman's ears were hurting because it was so loud!!!!!!! No, this is NOT a time to let behavior slide due to PTSD! He was a jerk and made excuses for his piss-poor behavior. PTSD shouldn't get him off the hook. IMHO it is abusive because he physically hurt her, even though he didn't lay a hand on her. He needs to stop being an ass-hat as this is behavior he needs to learn how to control.

 

[Ovuci]

I agree... it wasn't to self sooth, it was punishment or intimidation. Especially if it was so loud she had to put her fingers in her ears and couldn't get out of the car.

 

[Osuc]

I agree... it wasn't to self sooth, it was punishment or intimidation.

Because you were psychically linked to the man, and know all of his thoughts, feelings, & motivations? It couldn't possibly be what he said it was, turning it up too loud to talk over. No. Instead let's leap to the worst possible conclusion and decide that's what it is! Abuse! Abuse! Abuuuuuuuuser! :bored:

 

[Lufahuf]

Because you were psychically linked to the man, and know all of his thoughts, feelings, & motivations? It couldn't possib...

It is abuse. The music was so loud that her ears hurt! He was being a jerk and hurting her in the process. Not to mention the fact she was captive in his car.

LOTS of abusive people have excuses.....err, other reasons for what they do. Abuse doesn't always come with malicious "I am going to hurt you" intent.

 

[Uvizu]

If we label every insensitive thing our partners do as abusive, people are going to become desensitized to that word. People already are. What matters in this case is the intent. No one here knows what his intent was. Even if it was intentional, it was just a dick move, and not really abuse.