Well, why don't you take those 9 sessions as you don't even know if proper EMDR is for you and then at least you'll know if you're going down the right pathway or not. To answer my T changed the pace and directions in which she was moving her fingers which actually worked to well, I got a sudden wave of a smell from my trauma,m threw up and begged her to stop. The next week I was more ready for it though. A T's job is also to encourage you to go through the hard stuff even when you want to run away, so you have to ask yourself if you have that kind of determination if doing it on your own.