Am I Using My Ptsd As An Excuse?

[Booknerd]

I watched Hoarders and saw a woman on there that said "I did the best I could with what I had to do it with"

STRESSOR! My mother used that phrase all the time to excuse her behavior and abuse. "I did the best I could with what little I had to do it with." I must have heard it a trillion times. She had a terrible life. Not excusing her neglect, emotional, and sexual abuse of me, it is just a fact.
I worry all the time that I might turn into her. She died over a year ago. And I had to let some things go. She was dead. I wasn't going to get any acknowledgement or closure from her. So I had to let some things go and heal.

Now thinking about this, I worry that I may be using my PTSD as a crutch. Everyone has excuses, it's normal. Last week I had an "Acute Exacerbation of PTSD" according to PDOC.
I thought that I was maintaining. I wasn't making great strides of improvement, but things were status quo. Now I am worrying that am I like my mother? Am I using excuses for my life?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi, I do not think so. Usually the things we fear will not happen because we are aware of it. I have dealt with this one in many areas of my life. And I found it to be true. It is the ones who do not worry that are the problem usually. They are unaware. You cannot change that which you are unaware of. It is a blind spot. This is where we do the real damage.

I hope this reassures you that you are not like your mom. I am wishing you healing. Big hugs.

 

[maddog]

I think Gizmo's words are wise ones. Often with such things, being aware of the trap or problem, and feeling motivated to avoid falling into it, are more than half the battle to prevent that from happening. Self awareness and personal insight are among the greatest weapons in the fight against PTSD, and in life in general.

That said, it's always healthy to push ourselves within reason and to constantly be checking and reevaluating our boundaries and expectations of ourselves. Yes, probably all of us at times have used PTSD as an excuse for something. Almost everyone has, at times, used something in life as an excuse for avoiding or denying something they don't want to face. It's part of the human condition and becomes a problem only when it becomes ingrained patterns of behaviour, or when the consequences begin to actively restrict your life.

I think the key is in continuing to set goals and to work towards meeting them, to continue to reevaluate your progress and to keep in mind that PTSD, while greatly disabling at times, is not a dabilitating condition if managed appropriately.

And it's important not to swing to the other extreme either and berate yourself for the limitations that it does impose on your life. Sometimes, PTSD really does constrict our lives, and that's just the nature of it. Finding a balanced perspective is something best done with the assistance and input of trusted friends, family or professionals who can help us to reality check such things, and encourage us to push forwards or to give ourselves a break as required.

Maddog

 

[nimkekaa]

I too agree with Gizmo and Maddog. My parents are alcholics and I have been so terrified of becoming one that I go to the opposite extreme sometimes. So awareness of the posibility and checking in on yourself is more than half the battle. It's denial that it would every happen to me that gets you into big trouble.

As for using PTSD as an excuse I think there are many ways to look at it. If you look at someone who is blind, it is not inapporpriate to use being blind as an excuse to not read something in normal print. It is an excuse to say you can't help clean up because you are blind. It may be hard but you can work toward learning where things go and how many steps it takes to get there.

It's harder to see the lines of excuse and explanation with PTSD but there are times that PTSD limits what we can do and there are times we have to just realize that it might be harder for us to do things but that we CAN do it.

I also strongly agree with Maddog that you need to find a balance in life. A balance of excepting your limitations with challenging yourself to meet new goals.

As for being like your mother, it's only normal to have some thoughts and feelings that were passed down from our parents. It's what you do with the information and how you act on it that counts. If you really don't like the way your mother did certain things then it's not likely that you will repeat those bad habits. That's how I see it anyway.

I have definately felt the, I can't ever be like my mother feelings and will always find ways I am like her and ways that I am not. As long as I try hard to not repeat my mother's mistakes and copy any positive things she had to pass on then that is all I can do.

 

[Booknerd]

Thank you Maddog, gizmo, and nimkekaa. Reading the replies and taking them to heart.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I don't know your exact situation, so I can't comment on whether or not you use your PTSD as an excuse. However, I get the feeling that it's more about not wanting to be like your mother than anything else.

I know that at times, yes, I do use my PTSD as an excuse. It's not a conscious thing, rather a way I try to avoid things. And it's not constant either. I mean, pushing forward at full steam 24/7 would burn me out! I guess things come in waves. At times I am super motivated and am actively working on my healing. At other times, I am just so anxious, so exhausted, so depressed that I can't do anything more. Don't get me wrong. I never verbally use my PTSD as an excuse for things. I don't use it to excuse my behavior. I use it to explain my behavior, usually in the context of "yes, I've done something wrong", but it's always followed by the sentiment that I'm working on changing my behavior so that I don't repeat past mistakes. And I've been told by both my therapist and priest that I'm very self aware and take responsibility for my actions. So perhaps the "excuse" thing is more of a personal excuse, not something that I project onto others? (I hope this makes sense....it's after midnight here and I should be in bed, lol)