Am I Wrong

[Avenger35]

Ok, I have been with my lovely wife for 16 years and the past 8 since Iraq have not been pretty. I was an ass to live with and no matter how hard I pushed, my wife stood strong. Well I pushed to the point that a little over a year ago, I had an online affair and that is all I will say about that but it almost destroyed my marriage.

I guess you can say that I had my Ah ha moment and got myself in counseling both for my PTSD and marriage counseling with my wife. This past year has not been easy dealing with the pain I caused my wife and the crap that having PTSD brings but I have made many changes.

My wife has all my passwords and my world has become very transparent to her so when she got upset with me for looking at a couple pages on facebook that have woman, I didn't understand since she can look at my stuff all she wants. The page she is the most upset with is one with Red heads and she knows that my attraction is red head but all I was doing was looking as I didnt see the harm in it.

Of course I did not handle it well. I told her that it wasn't like I was living on that page every day and I didnt see the harm in looking occasionally as it isn't always about the woman but they have funny shit on there too and I wasn't hiding it from her. Well now she sais that she is emotionally right back to where she was when she found out about my affair. She sais that if I have to be looking then apparently she isnt enough for me and that maybe we should just call it quits.

I am at a loss of what to think about this. Am I really being an insensitive Jerk as she puts it. I just don't see looking at pictures as that bad but I could be way off base here. I was hoping that you guys could give me some insight on what you think as an outsider. I really do love my wife and we have fought so hard to get where we are.

 

[Zipperhead]

The sound of a happy man? "Yes Dear!" If it makes her feel insecure, why would you want to do that to her? Not worth it if it destroys our real life.

 

[Anglesachse]

You have given her e reason not to trust you, so you need to be going out your way to prove she is enough and what you want.

She may well feel very insecure because of the past and finding you looking harmlessly at otehr women is never going to sit well.

My opinion, the Internet destroys a lot of happy families. Be it online affairs, or just gaming day in day out.

Get back to basics, you choose to be with her for a reason, you Need to find it again and make time to spend with her. Not 24/7, we all Need our own space and time, but Show her what you were like before.

 

[Jimmy1]

For starters mate we are not an exclusive group, and I know your looking for help, but as someone else once said, would you walk up to a group of soldiers or airmen, or any type of veteran and ask advice on your relationship?????

How about a bit of an introduction in the introduction section. Tell us who you served with and where you served, you don't have to give us nitty gritty details. It helps us understand who you are. Tell us if you have tried medication, therapy etc.

Now I will give you both sides of the argument because I have been there.

Mate, I was unfortunate. Due to living with me untreated for a number of years, my ex-wife found comfort with another bloke. It hurt because I stuck with her through a lot of problems she had.

Now, it does not matter what you think about looking at pages, she has taken offence, that is her opinion.
She has stuck with you mate, no matter what you have thrown at her, that says enough in itself. So admit your wrong, and don't do it when she is around if you have to. And if you do, learn how to cover your tracks.

So in my opinion you are being an insensitive jerk!!! Your the one with the psych problem, but she is standing by you.

Now by coming on the forum you are seeking help, you can tell her that too. She might like to join the sister site and get advice. How much does she know about PTSD.

Sorry if you find what I say harsh, but it is what it is.

Jimmy

 

[Chin Strapped]

Tow the line and look at that stuff 'incognito' or on a secret source!

Decent wives are hard to come by ;)

 

[JarHed]

What they said Mate.

You've given her reason to distrust you. You've got to EARN that trust back. Do the work and in the end your relationship can be stronger that it was before. Be patient with her, she's hurting.

JarHed

 

[Avenger35]

For starters mate we are not an exclusive group, and I know your looking for help, but as someone else once said, would you walk up to a group of soldiers or airmen, or any type of veteran and ask advice on your relationship?????

How about a bit of an introduction in the introduction section. Tell us who you served with and where you served, you don't have to give us nitty gritty details. It helps us understand who you are. Tell us if you have tried medication, therapy etc.

Now I will give you both sides of the argument because I have been there.

Mate, I was unfortunate. Due to living with me untreated for a number of years, my ex-wife found comfort with another bloke. It hurt because I stuck with her through a lot of problems she had.

Now, it does not matter what you think about looking at pages, she has taken offence, that is her opinion.
She has stuck with you mate, no matter what you have thrown at her, that says enough in itself. So admit your wrong, and don't do it when she is around if you have to. And if you do, learn how to cover your tracks.

So in my opinion you are being an insensitive jerk!!! Your the one with the psych problem, but she is standing by you.

Now by coming on the forum you are seeking help, you can tell her that too. She might like to join the sister site and get advice. How much does she know about PTSD.

Sorry if you find what I say harsh, but it is what it is.

Jimmy

I had my intro here, not sure what happened to it! Will do another one when I get home. Was in the Army and National Guard for 17 years. Did a tour in Iraq 04-05. Hate to admit it but I think my wife knows more about PTSD than I do. She is the one who found this site for me.

 

[Wagon]

Yeah Man. What they said. Once you break trust, it's double to get it back....if it ever happens. Somebody breaks trust with me, I don't even think they exist anymore.

You gotta know this having been in the military.

Thanks in advance for that intro. ;)

 

[Wagon]

I had my intro here, not sure what happened to it! Will do another one when I get home. Was in the Army and National Guard for 17 years. Did a tour in Iraq 04-05. Hate to admit it but I think my wife knows more about PTSD than I do. She is the one who found this site for me.

Ummm. Then if I may add a bit of advice. Take interest in this shit. Nobody is going to do it for you. You are lucky enough to have a wife who stuck around. Many of us have lost that AND ended up homeless.

In other words. Toughen the f*ck up and get your ass moving on making yourself and your relationship better. We can actually be here to help with that. But you gotta show up....you know?

Sorry if you were looking for the nicey nice forum with Teddy bears, lemon drops and oh poor you. I have PTSD from the military. "Asshole" is my default setting and "Jerk" is my slumber mode.

Peace
Wagon

 

[Chin Strapped]

Boom! (excuse the pun)

well said

 

[Ned]

Bit late to this one. 'Insensitive jerk'? I would guess that all of us have been called that, or an equivalent. Because it goes with the condition. So you've got to make good the damage, whether you see it yet or not. Security is what most lasses want and you've made that wobbly.

 

[Zipperhead]

Isn't "Insensitive Jerk" a term of endearment? You mean people ave actually been calling me out all these years?