An Appology To Anyone That Will Receive It...

[lostforgottensoul]

Be careful with EMDR. Sounds like you have a fantastic therapist, but this can be problematic with CPTSD, as I learned doing it.

He's really good at reading my body laungage, knows when ive finallg been able to relax (closing my eyes terrifies me) and feel safe, and at the time, the stuff was so packed tight and i had heard ny mom's voice like she was in the room, had a few secons flashback, and freaked. He got me ok again, he's the only person i feel safe with, and we hadnt done it since. That was about a year ago. He says things are "loosening up" and its why he wants to try it again. He has patience that ive never seen before, i wouldnt of been able to deal with me for 7 yrs with very little movement.

I haven't seen anything in any of your postings that would qualify as malice. You seem like a good person.

I wouldnt say "good person" but i have no malious intent. Im just trying to navigate this extremely confusing and terrorfying brain of mine...

 

[Deleted member 20978]

I hear that. Patience is another precious commodity. There's a lot more around here than I once thought. Not my forte. Sometimes you gotta borrow it from people who have it. Seems you're having a lot of patience for yourself actually.

Rereading your intro last night (including stuff with no whitespace that my brain struggles with), remembered you are also an artist. You know, I also went through a period -- back in teens into 20s -- where my brain absolutely refused to let me draw. Would feel seizury auras if I tried. I did end up getting back to it and it's therapy for me now. Filling sketchbooks. Some of it's actually good but the cool part is I don't give a crap, do it mostly for me. I'd post some here but then, you know. Tricky that. Keep deviantart and myptsd compartmentalized feels like the safe idea. Don't know why I'm so cavalier about having a diary but then I figure it doesn't read very coherently anyway. Sorry rambling

 

[scout86]

TheTimeoutCompemdium

This is WAY COOL! (Another # for the Cosmic Cheat Sheet! :))

 

[lostforgottensoul]

There's nothing to apologize to me, directly for / I have no animus here.

Although I agree that a...

Replying to your spoiler...first how do you do the spolier thing? I really really REALLY wanna know cuz i tend to ramble, in real life as well but worse in written word and that thing will help A LOT.

But it all made sense, especially because when soeaking to me though people call me super smart (i dont see that about me, but ok) most of the time im my adult 34 yr old self AND my 7 yr old child self at the same time (my therapist said once "it seems like im talking to an adult and child at the same time") so the time out thing makes tons of sense. I had thought about it, but i think my biggest mistake was that i saw the site working so well for me that i thought i could talk it out on the site and was very wrong (before the whole everyone read this thread). I know that its said that the site can make symthoms worse but they havent yet, its just my issues and triggers that are and i need to learn to put the phone down (dont peak at any alerts, sorta addictes to it) and come back when calmer. If re-triggered, repeat. Im learning that i have more black & white Borderline than i know i have, not like normal BPD about people, but just in general.

Thank you, you're awesome always!

 

[Neverthesame]

@lostforgottensoul here, this might help.

And then.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Seems you're having a lot of patience for yourself actually.

Oh to have my job you have to. I had a call today (im tier 2 internet and PC tech support; would be tier 3 w/ a HUGE raise if my AHT was lower, i talk a lot but main reason, i wanna help too much & do to too much) but anyway; first words out of her mouth "i want a supevisor when we are done because i was teansfered to spanish (likely by accident) when i what is coming out of my mouth and tou dont speak unless spoken to" whoa, glad for my FMLA breaks on that one. I tried to say something and she would say in a stern voice, like im 3, "i did not tell you it was ok to speak"...lady i am 34 yrs old! Most people have a right to be upset and if they want to vent, im cool w/ it but personal attacking, psh, im gonna help you cuz i HAVE to but i aint going out of my way for you!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@lostforgottensoul here, this might help.
View attachment 40758

And the...

Ah damn, i dont have it cuz im not paid. I really need to pay for a year or something. This is what my sreen looks like

 

[Neverthesame]

Is there a line anywhere near the text box that says use rich text editor?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Is there a line anywhere near the text box that says use rich text editor?

Nothing in the text box but a blank white screen. I can only use the smilies cuz i hit reply and see the code like : sorry : without the spaces (cheating). Sometimes i mess up like :eyeroll: instead of : rolleyes : Here is my text box, blank white with a bkinking cursor. Its all for paid memebers and i get that. I tried to find the code for the spoiler box but it doesnt let me highlight it and if i hit reply it skips it. Darn code blocking! All webpages are are code; HTML, Java scipting etc.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Spoiler: Asterisk

This is what the reply shows me, its not like

Spoiler

<title>:blah: ]or even html stuff to put the title and what not. I cant get the code for it either, onlt for the entire page. Im not trying to cheat and not pay. I'll probably decide to just a year or something on a pre-paid CC, i have the money but my insur has started over and my company pays the first $1000 but i pay the next $500 before they kick in at 80%, my part usually hits after the first few months of the year and my out of pocket max is $3200 where everything is paid 100% and i hit that around july. That shows how many Drs i have. W2s just came out through the web, i do mail so likely will get it in a few weeks and can do my taxes and my refund will more than pay for my part of the insurance, just wanna be sure.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

How did i just do that? Was it from the reply?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Spoiler

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