An Awkward And Uncomfortable Hello

[his_swallow]

Welcome to the forums and good for you for taking the first steps to finding others who share the same disorder you do.
I sincerely hope that these forums and the kind people here will be able to offer some of the support you need.

 

[NativeRose]

Hi TB:

First, congratulations on your decision to post! It's a terribly difficult thing to do, and we're glad you did. I hope you'll soon feel the same way. You'll find many people who identify with you. I have a question for you, but know that you don't have to answer. I am an aspiring therapist, and my philosophy on helping clients heal is that they need to be met at their point of need. They can't be helped if the therapist doesn't communicate in a way that they can understand. It's important to develop a trusting relationship with clients, and validation of their feelings and thoughts is essential. Nothing sends a client running faster than a statement or action that minimizes his or her pain. You said that you have little faith in therapy. Why is this? Have you had difficult experiences with therapists? I was just wondering, and as I said before, don't feel obligated to answer me. I understand if you get defensive after reading my question, and if you do, that's okay. The only thing I ask is that you tell me that in a respectful manner--your feelings will be validated and respected, no matter what they are! Once again, welcome to the forum, and I hope you find it to be helpful.

NativeRose

 

[anni]

Hi TB,

I'm glad you found the forum. I don't know, but I can't imagine you're here because you wish to have attention, If that were the cas you probably would have allowed yourself to give in to your anger a some point and clocked some people or something. You're probably here for the same reason most are, which is that you don't want to feel the way you do any more, and are tired of feeling alone.

It's an awful way to live, as we all know to varying degress. You seem to be consistantly choosing to try not to inflict your anger on others. Maybe you don't feel like it but that tells me you must be rather kind at heart. I personally can't express anger, like at ALL, and just suppress it 100% of the time to the point of disallowing even feeling it. Somewhere there's a happy medium between us, I know, which healing from this stupid PTSD will help find.

There's an anger article right on the home page of the forum. I haven't read it because it worries me not to have much, if that makes any sense, but all the articles here are extremely clear. It will no doubt make an awful lot of sense to you, and so be helpful.

I hope you're feeling a little better today, and each day you visit here. Please take care.

Anni

 

[Clydiechick]

Welcome, I like your username. I think a lot of us can relate to your emotions. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you find what you are looking for in this forum. Take care.

Clydie

 

[seaworthy]

Welcome timebomb...I just joined this site last month. I really relate to being a captured situation and exposed to horrors. I
am just now coming back into the world after having to retreat to wildnerness isolation. I haven't been tormented such by
anger (except at myself), but frozen in terror and unable to function. I don't rely on therapists or doctors to heal me of my
PTSD. They may be helpful at times, but not essential to recovery. Reading 'steps to recovery' and 'getting started with exposure
therapy' has helped me start getting ready to do the work to get well. You can search for them on this site.

seaworthy

 

[useless]

Hi TB:
You said that you have little faith in therapy. Why is this? Have you had difficult experiences with therapists?
NativeRose

I don't mind answering you at all.

-Early on one of the first therapist I encountered told me he would have me healed in six months. I didn't know much about PTSD myself at that point but something told me this was wrong. Later I learned it is. It is my opinion you cannot ever be healed from something that is memory based.

-I have had six therapist over the years. Only one of them knew anything about PTSD. He himself had it. The others could not relate to my feelings at all. I am sure they tried. They had me do the most ridiculous and childish things. One gave me a bunch of magazines to take home and told me to cut out pictures that stirred emotion in me and taped them to some poster board so we could go over them and discuss my feelings. I was very insulted and felt down right foolish. Three of them had me take tests and that was fine but none of them would give me a copy of the results. So if they don't trust me I can't trust them.

-The guy I saw that had PTSD was the most helpful. He told me I would never get over it but might learn how to deal with it and control it better. That sounded like good sense to me and something I could understand. I ended up moving away and continued talking to him over the phone but it wasn't the same. Finally we just dropped it.

Granted this has been years ago and PTSD is more common and accepted I believe. I have not returned to a therapist because quite frankly I am sick of explaining myself to doctors over the years. I don't feel I can be fully open with them. For example, if I told them I had thoughts of going postal they might very well contact the authorities. If so that would be the very trigger that would cause me to lose it for sure. With the present laws that are in place in the USA you just cannot be 100 percent truthful with your counselor. Kinda defeats the purpose in my case.

Yet, with a shrink I do not have to divulge details. I just tell him I feel anger or anxiety and he gives me pills for it. The appointments are short, usually 10 minutes and that helps with my anxiety of being in crowds or around strangers.

But it truly boils down to the fact that I don't feel someone can help me unless they have the same experience I have had, or something similar. Otherwise how can they understand? From a book or seminar, I do not believe so. I didn't start out with this mindset though. I truly had faith that I could be helped at first. But my experiences just disappointed me.

And finally, of the very few people I have talked to who have suffered trauma similar to me, none of them were able to tell me that therapy had done them any good.

These are just my thoughts and experiences. I know they probably won't apply to many of you. And frankly, I hope they don't.

 

[useless]

Welcome, I like your username. I think a lot of us can relate to your emotions. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you find what you are looking for in this forum. Take care.
Clydie

Ha! I figured they wouldn't even let me join with a name like that. But they did.....


Thank all of you for you kind words!

 

[useless]

Maybe you don't feel like it but that tells me you must be rather kind at heart.

Anni

That was a very nice thing to say. I do hope that my dogs think I am kind at least. I have two inside and four outside. Two of them are only seven days old.

 

[anni]

Hi again TB,

I just don't know anyone who is soft on dogs, especially, who isn't a kind person at heart. :) I don't mean to sound all hokey and Hallmark-Channel, but they are such big, dripppy, goofy balls of mush that if they like you, you know that somewhere in there is a place that's ok.

Anni

 

[anthony]

Hey Timebomb, welcome to the forum.