An Insidious Thought

[Hope4Now]

@Recovery4Me :D Thanks.
Maybe it's time for a revolution.

LOL...my mother called 27 times on Saturday AFTER I said I could not take her to the hairdresser that day. :wideeyed: Really???!!! She tried me, my husband, my son, and even her brother who lives far away. HA! She didn't get to go.

 

[Recovery4Me]

my mother called 27 times on Saturday

:hug: lol ....tenacious ole' bidy, isn't she? :clown::hug::hug:

At least it makes it easy to see where we learned to "not" let go, eh? :hug:

 

[Deleted member 29899]

The criteria scares the h*ll out of me because this is my daughter to a T. I actually fear her having children because she has no empathy. Isn't that sad? As a mother it's so sad and scary... I'd rather not have grandchildren than to have neglected and abused grandchildren, it would kill me to watch. She's still sort of young.... I'm praying she will change but ... No empathy? Not sure....

I was a victim of a narcissistic sibling allllll my life until recently, until I read about their traits, until I saw how insidious it is, until I truly saw how I've been foolishly and blindly used and abused and taken advantage of and endless,y made fun of and put down.
There were a few comments on here that don't quite seem to grasp this disorder. Narcissists will, if they don't already, have VICTIMS.

Hope4Now I appreciate your post. I was worried about this with myself within the last year but one thing stands out to me- I have far too much empathy. The two n's that I know, do not see people as people, they see them as commodities and think "hmmm...I wonder what I can get out of this person or how could they be of use to me?" Nope. Not me. Doesn't sound like you either.

 

[Ronin]

No empathy =/ inevitable harm.
She could be the best mom in the world, too. Because figuring what all children need is curiosity provoking. Intellectually stimulating. Plain out fun to do. Something to ponder as a point of interest.

You can't foresee every single thing about someone's life path from a simple thing as a lack of one factor.

Edited to add: Don't treat her as The Danger. That thing is abusive, and does screw people up more than lack of empathy itself does.

 

[Deleted member 29899]

Cashew are you referring to my post and my daughter? I can safely assume that you are not a parent.
NO mother in the world can be 'the best mom in the world' without empathy. Woe to the child who has a mother who doesn't possess empathy.
Someone said something like this on a post "narcissism sure seems to be brought up a lot on this forum!" That's because there are many children and adults who have PTSD from having a narcissistic mom (or dad). I can't imagine a baby, toddler, child and teen 'nurtured' through all those years and having their emotional needs met by a narcissistic mother. I don't believe that's possible. Start a post on it if you don't believe me! Lol
Research narcissistic mothers and empathy.

 

[joeylittle]

There are interesting theories relating lack of empathy to the autistic spectrum; also to something more akin to lack of exposure to various things, as opposed to the mark of the classic narcissist.
http://www.medicaldaily.com/lack-em...cial-stress-lack-interaction-strangers-317970

there are many children and adults who have PTSD from having a narcissistic mom (or dad).

They would have PTSD as a result of the actions of that mom or dad, not as a result of their traits, whether they be narcissistic, borderline, or any number of things.

I am not saying you are wrong, @imok, in your opinions about your daughter or in your own experiences with narcissistic personality disorder. I just always have this urge, when the empathy thing comes up, to point out that there is a subtle difference between someone having no empathy and someone expressing no empathy.

So many of the choices I have made as a parent were out of determination never-ever-ever to do to my own children what my parents did to me. Isn't that totally self-involved?

No, not really. It would have been self-involved if your children were made to constantly prove that you were a good parent. But you didn't do that. You

tried so hard to give them choices and freedom and independence. To encourage their interests and talents, to be there for them when they fall, etc. To love them with everything I've got in me, with no conditions.

So, it's pretty clear that you didn't make them conform to your standards of ideal childhood. I'm not writing that very well, but I hope it makes sense.

But I think my parents would have thought they did that for me.

Don't get too caught up in mind-reading here. I know my parents were convinced that they did a horrible job of raising me. And it's true, they did. But their knowing that they were failing did not stop them from making the same mistakes over and over. Not at all narcissistic, my folks. Just totally not equipped to have had a kid. They did so much better with my siblings.

To be diagnosed as having NPD, there has to be no other normative explanation for the traits displayed, no medical condition that might be responsible, no addiction issue that might be responsible, and the behavior has to be relatively consistent over time and place.
@Hope4Now - you have both a normative reason for displaying corrective parenting traits (because of the way you were raised, you wished to do differently), and a medical condition of your own (PTSD) to factor into your recent behavior, which you might think of as self-centered, but I think objectively it could just be called having an illness that has been debilitating. Right?

 

[Ronin]

Cashew are you referring to my post and my daughter? I can safely assume that you are not a parent.

Yeah, sorry should have tagged you.

Thanks for assuming, your assumptions are wrong. Perhaps why it's better to not assume these things, based on different experience of a speaker, and different opinion.