Relationship An Update Since My Introduction Post - I Think I've Lost Him

[bridget_marie]

Hi everyone, just a quick update since my first post (https://www.myptsd.com/threads/hi-new-member-introduction-my-story-so-far.55096/). He should have got back from his work trip on Wed, last night I checked his Facebook and he's blocked me. This is after about 4 weeks of no responses to any texts, etc.

I don't think I did anything wrong really - I was texting him every couple days despite the non-responsiveness with messages that didn't need a response just to share something funny or a song, or to say 'thinking of you' - but he had said that was ok previously so I assumed if it was a problem he could tell me to stop. So I guess I have to just take this as either a) he's not able to cope with the extra stress of being in a relationship right now, or b) he's not interested in me anymore (or maybe a bit of both). Either way I'm accepting that for now the relationship is over and I need to give him space.

My plan right now is to give it a few days or maybe even a couple weeks and then just send him a letter to explain that it seems like he's not really able to be in a relationship right now, so I'm calling time on it for both of us. I'll still be there for him if he needs me, just not as his girlfriend. I love him and this hasn't put me off caring about him but equally I have to respect that he doesn't want me in his life right now so I'm going to let it go. If he wants to revisit things in the future, the door is open (unless/until I meet someone else who I can feel equally serious about), and I'd never want to shut the door on being his friend (if he was open to that) even if we never reopen the romantic side of things. I'm also going to ask him to send me the things I've left at his house as some of them are expensive and they have sentimental value so I can't just leave them. But I'm not in a rush to ask for the stuff back, I don't need any of it urgently.

I hope that he can get the treatment he needs to manage his symptoms better and I hope that eventually he will be in a place where he can sustain a relationship, if not with me then with someone who loves him as much as I do. But if he did want to get back together in the future we would need to talk about how we were going to manage this stuff as a team rather than him just pushing me away when he's struggling.

I'm very grateful to have found this forum and learned so much from all of you sharing your stories and experiences. It's definitely helped me get through a major rough patch. And I may be back, who knows? I am feeling very sad right now and mourning the loss of what started as a really special relationship. But for now I'm going to try my best to move on from this and work on taking care of myself. :hug: to anyone who needs them today - stay strong and hang in there.

 

[Justmehere]

I'm so sorry. :hug: I wish you the best!

 

[bridget_marie]

Thank you JMH - I needed a hug!

 

[Peach]

Hi Bridget! I missed your introduction before, so welcome. Sorry it is under unpleasant circumstances...but that's what brings most of us here anyway.

It sounds like you're doing as well as you can in this situation. I admire your ability to think rationally instead of freaking out like a lot of us do/have done. :eek: LOL I'd say you're doing everything right; taking care of you while still remaining open to his return should you find out he's been on a PTSD retreat this whole time and that it really has nothing to do with you, but rather his inability to cope. That doesn't make the disappearance any easier, but knowing he may have a good reason for the radio silence really does make all the difference in the world. :hug:

 

[technigirl]

Speaking as someone who's also been blocked by a sufferer...it's most definitely not you! You sound like you have your head on straight and are handling things really well. I wish you the best, lots of hugs to you!

 

[bridget_marie]

Thank you @Peach and @technigirl for your kind words and for the hugs :) It means a lot.

Since I had been sending him a sort of 'checking-in' text once every 1-3 days, I decided this morning to send him one last text letting him know that I'm not going to text anymore unless/until I hear from him. (meta? haha)

I wrote: "I'm getting the sense that maybe you need more space right now than I've been giving you. So I'm going to stop texting and just wait to hear from you when you're ready. I'm not going anywhere, just giving you space. I hope you're ok. I love you and I'll be here whenever you're ready to talk again."

Now I'm going to leave it for the next 2-3 weeks and if he still hasn't gotten in touch by then, I can send the letter officially ending things (while still reiterating that I'll be here for him if he needs me, just not as his gf for now) and asking him to return my stuff. I don't need the stuff before then anyway.

I hope this was the right thing to do - it felt like a good idea at the time. I just feel like I need a little bit longer before I'll be ready to send that letter. And if he has blocked my number (I'm not sure if he has or not), he won't see it anyway so it can't really hurt I guess.

 

[Peach]

That sounds perfect. You have given him tons or care, concern, and space. What more could he ask for. I hope you're able to stick to the plan, it's so hard to stop yourself from reaching out again. I have a very hard time with that.:banghead: