Relationship Anger issues

[lostforgottensoul]

These outburst come completely out of the blue and he looks so ashamed and horrified.

Yes! This! When it was over, I was ashamed and horrified at my outbursts but I couldn't control it. I also worked on learning what triggered it and that gave me 30 secs or so to try to get out of the situation so I actively tried to disengage as well. What I was saying is if the supporter doesn't disenage and keeps fighting and even following the sufferer around, that's when it can get way, WAY, worse.

You have to be able to talk about the outburst and the issues that caused it after the fact

That too. I certianly wasn't advocating for supporter only action. It takes two. Both need to work on their ends and then come together and talk when all is calm. Learn and work on it together. If that makes sense.

 

[candor]

He is too ashamed. We talk about other people with the issue. First characters in books and films, then people we knew and I realized that he didn't lack knowledge about the subject. Finally, came the admission "I get like that" and " It's disgusting how I treat you". He has never talked about his triggers except to say he is very traumatized. He believes that if he opens up about our issues, that it would be way too triggering. That is why he would always silence me. But now I can say anything like "No I don't want that" and he will let me choose the cafe or what I want on the menu. He couldn't before. And he has reconnected with his mom and sister which he had cut off for decades. A little kindness can move mountains.