Coming up is a big anniversary for me. though i was raped many times by more than one person including my brother halloween is the first time i was raped by my dads friend at 8 and the first time ever raped i have pretty clear memories of the night but even those go deeper and are more painful than i can explain. i remember my dads friend being nice and we were alone together and i trusted him because he was my parents friend but he took off my costume and well raped me i didn't know what it was or what happened or would even have had words to tell anyone what happened he also told me not to tell. i was scared and it hurt and there was blood and he cleaned me up and he redressed me and took my underwear as blood got on them. i was only 8 and didn't know what just happened i hate this time of year due to the memories of halloween and i work in a daycare and being around young children on halloween can be somewhat triggering there is a lot of pain and i have a lot of nightmares around this time of year about this and the next few months there is a lot coming up its just a hard time of year. it makes me depressed and causes a lot of pain i just don't know i have to handle it every year and my therapist is great at this time but its still difficult.
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Childhood Anniversaries coming up
- Post starter hermione
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Kintsugi
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I'm sorry, Hermione; I have no words other than to say I'm here listening.
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- #5
Thank you for the support I have plans for one of my anniversaries I am going to try to make it an ok day but I know that will be hard I am hoping to see my therapist on Halloween which is a major one and I took the day off from work because children in costumes can be triggering
Tornadic Thoughts
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It really sucks to have our lives so consumed by others' sick and twisted choices. Damn them all for stealing our innocence and planting many highly invasive species of dis-ease in our subconscious at the same time.
I don't remember the specific days of most of my incidents for some reason, but the ones I do, I had to re-frame the day for myself so I could override the painful memories.
Even if it's something as simple as planting seeds that day so I could create and be a part of something nurturing rather than keeping my attention on that which was trying to take me down. What a great reminder of how critical it is to be patient with ourselves, as well. It often feels like my chances to grow are severely limited, but that doesn't mean I can't still be a part of some pretty amazing growth...even on a real shitty day...and edible growth is viewed as something precious and much needed, to me, so I can feel good about it and reap the tasty nurturing (in return) rewards of harvest time.
Making it a 'spa day' by soaking in a hot epsom salt bath, using favorite essential oils, smudging all spaces and cell-ph, consuming lots of nutrient rich favorites, only listening to/reading things that lift my spirits or school me in a beneficial way, only listening to music that raises my vibrations, dancing like a fool, and making it a point to indulge in some belly laughs.
Fasting is another of my favorite things to do during rough patches, be it food, beverage, electronics, media, humans, etc. I was so used to being out of control with all of those things at one point or another in my life, so taking back control and giving my body a break from it all really helps.
Get in touch with a trusted friend/family member/acquaintance/etc. and ask if they'd help you start a new tradition of joy, however it feels right to you, and whatever it is that truly (and healthily so you don't create more issues as a result) enriches your life and gives you something to look forward to.
Allow yourself some time within that day to acknowledge and release the pain that was inflicted upon you rather than actively trying to avoid it....write down what bugs you about it and burn it, shred it, flush it, share it if comfortable doing so, and give yourself permission to breathe it all in and love it all out. Continuing to "fight" it, for me, meant I had to always stay on the defense in some way, shape, or form, and that shit got way too heavy after a while.
Wishing you peace of mind on that day, and all days. Take good care and try to remember to be kind in your cell-ph-talk....your cells are listening.
I don't remember the specific days of most of my incidents for some reason, but the ones I do, I had to re-frame the day for myself so I could override the painful memories.
Even if it's something as simple as planting seeds that day so I could create and be a part of something nurturing rather than keeping my attention on that which was trying to take me down. What a great reminder of how critical it is to be patient with ourselves, as well. It often feels like my chances to grow are severely limited, but that doesn't mean I can't still be a part of some pretty amazing growth...even on a real shitty day...and edible growth is viewed as something precious and much needed, to me, so I can feel good about it and reap the tasty nurturing (in return) rewards of harvest time.
Making it a 'spa day' by soaking in a hot epsom salt bath, using favorite essential oils, smudging all spaces and cell-ph, consuming lots of nutrient rich favorites, only listening to/reading things that lift my spirits or school me in a beneficial way, only listening to music that raises my vibrations, dancing like a fool, and making it a point to indulge in some belly laughs.
Fasting is another of my favorite things to do during rough patches, be it food, beverage, electronics, media, humans, etc. I was so used to being out of control with all of those things at one point or another in my life, so taking back control and giving my body a break from it all really helps.
Get in touch with a trusted friend/family member/acquaintance/etc. and ask if they'd help you start a new tradition of joy, however it feels right to you, and whatever it is that truly (and healthily so you don't create more issues as a result) enriches your life and gives you something to look forward to.
Allow yourself some time within that day to acknowledge and release the pain that was inflicted upon you rather than actively trying to avoid it....write down what bugs you about it and burn it, shred it, flush it, share it if comfortable doing so, and give yourself permission to breathe it all in and love it all out. Continuing to "fight" it, for me, meant I had to always stay on the defense in some way, shape, or form, and that shit got way too heavy after a while.
Wishing you peace of mind on that day, and all days. Take good care and try to remember to be kind in your cell-ph-talk....your cells are listening.
- Post starter
- #7
thanks for all the advice I have mostly holidays as reminders of abuse i don't have any specific days for other abuse just this one is the major like the first time ever i was raped i can't not forget it for some reason and it is a clear memory too clear. i would fast but i am supposed to be eating i have anorexia. i have a plan for the day i hope it works to make it a better day the weekend just before the day i will be at a harry potter convention so that should be fun and then the actual day of halloween i took the day off from work because i work in a daycare and that day around kids is triggering because it reminds me of innocence stolen from me i have worked it the past three years and it is upsetting. i hope to see my therapist for lunch or dinner she knows it is a hard day or even just coffee i am going to go shopping for fun i hope it all works to make it a more positive day. i have never tried so hard. i am also hoping by then my therapist will have the beaded necklace she plans to get me where i add a bead for every positive moment i have to remind me there are positive things. i guess a neighbor asked her about one of her toughest cases and without revealing who i am she gave some of my history and the woman than said she could not hear it because it was so sad...i guess i forget how bad some of my abuse has been...like i know but even at times it makes my therapist sad.
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