Anniversary Coming Up And I'm Becoming More Distant.

[Lauren214]

I'm becoming much more distant as the Anniversary is already halfway through its cycle and doesn't end until October. Its been 2 years and I had to make an appointment to see my therapist. It's affecting my relationships and friendships. My family hasn't noticed it. I am getting more nightmares. They're becoming nightly rather then weekly or even bi weekly I feel very stuck. I feel very depressed in that I know hes now out of prison from his previous charge not towards me. It's very difficult to talk about what happened but I wrote it down and took pictures of it. I now am left with the consideration of Do I post these photos on a website such as Facebook or tumblr and risk him seeing it and threatening me more then he already does, or do I keep them for myself and pretend that one day I may be strong enough to tell my closest family the truth about what happened. My parents and brother know but my Uncles, Aunts, Cousins, and distant relatives Even my Grandmothers have no clue what actually happened.

 

[fly away home]

Anniversary time is incredibly challenging. Family often don't see the changes or perhaps they do and don't want to upset us by talking about it. If you do put the images on Facebook what would you hope the best response would be?

 

[Powder]

Talk about this with a trusted adult. If that is not totally your parents, then do you have a sensible and wise aunt or a teacher?

 

[Lauren214]

My therapist is a trusted sensible adult I can talk to. and @fly away home I don't know what the best result would be. My boyfriend is at the point where he notices it and hes telling me to just let my past go but this one piece of my past is so "complex" that even the thought of him being out of jail kept me hiding behind closed doors for an entire day.

 

[EverOnly358]

Lauren,

I just... I cannot hold back, forgive me if this isn't what you want to hear. I think posting this publicly to Facebook is not a great idea, because once that's done, it's very hard to undo. But I sort of understand, too. Ask your therapist about this. And keep working on your boyfriend... he just doesn't understand yet, but it's a lot to understand. Give him more time. Keep talking about it.

Hang in there!
D

 

[arfie]

It took me years to recognize my own patterns as well as you described them here, Lauren. By my measure, you are sounding like you are almost on top of it. Once I can recognize a personal pattern, I feel like I have a foundation to build on.

I, too, write my way through these confusions. I often share those writings, but I can't say the sharing ever helped much. Seems to be more effective to treat those writings like venting and just move on to the next step in healing. For me, anyway, but I had to work that out for myself.