Annual Mental Breakdown?!

[Compass307]

Hi there, does anyone else notice a correlation between overwhelming thoughts, feelings and somatic symptoms and a specific time of the year? I recently found some old journals and without fail.. every year around the same time I am expressing the same exact symptoms, concerns and experiences but I have complete amnesia for it. Meaning I have no recall without these journal entries of feeling these things and I’m just really strutting with this. Any insight, personal stories.. anything would be very much appreciated.

 

[arfie]

anniversaries are my biggies. during the years my memories were too far repressed to be aware of anniversaries, it felt like a seasonal event. my gnarly charlie was december. with considerable therapy work, awareness that an anniversary is approaching allows me to prepare my coping tools. with that assist, the anniversary syndrome no longer has the power to incapacitate me like it used to.

 

[Roland]

Yes. I actually have several. At some point you start to wonder if you have bad months or just every month is bad... because I feel bad generally January, end of February and March, August, and October, and let's face it, that's 4-5 months out of the year. But I've had some better years. January I can control better by not making myself crazy over Christmas with parties, junk food, etc, getting vitamin d and exercising. March I just got lucky this year, I was prepared for the worst, but since I had a baby early February, everything was baby baby baby, I had no time for cryptic anniversaries. Some Octobers have been better, multiple years I've been suicidal in October, and some Augusts have been better for no particular reason that I remember. But yeah, at least if you notice it, you can start to prepare for it, and eventually not be nonfunctional during that time, or at least that's what I think.

 

[brokenpony]

i’m not sure about times specific to my trauma history, i haven’t really kept track because generally i feel unpleasant in some way all the time. but i think i always lose my mind a bit in spring, it comes with a particular restless squirming hypervigilant mood, and i’ve heard it is a common thing for spring to trigger mental health issues for people and increase suicide rates. there is even a wiki about it.

 

[Compass307]

Yes. I actually have several. At some point you start to wonder if you have bad months or just every month is bad... because I feel bad generally January, end of February and March, August, and October, and let's face it, that's 4-5 months out of the year. But I've had some better years. January I can control better by not making myself crazy over Christmas with parties, junk food, etc, getting vitamin d and exercising. March I just got lucky this year, I was prepared for the worst, but since I had a baby early February, everything was baby baby baby, I had no time for cryptic anniversaries. Some Octobers have been better, multiple years I've been suicidal in October, and some Augusts have been better for no particular reason that I remember. But yeah, at least if you notice it, you can start to prepare for it, and eventually not be nonfunctional during that time, or at least that's what I think.

This is so helpful and so validating for me. Obviously I’m not thrilled it’s either of our experiences..but, it’s very normalizing to know that someone else knows what I mean. Thank you very much for sharing.

 

[Compass307]

i’m not sure about times specific to my trauma history, i haven’t really kept track because generally i feel unpleasant in some way all the time. but i think i always lose my mind a bit in spring, it comes with a particular restless squirming hypervigilant mood, and i’ve heard it is a common thing for spring to trigger mental health issues for people and increase suicide rates. there is even a wiki about it.

Thank you!

 

[Compass307]

anniversaries are my biggies. during the years my memories were too far repressed to be aware of anniversaries, it felt like a seasonal event. my gnarly charlie was december. with considerable therapy work, awareness that an anniversary is approaching allows me to prepare my coping tools. with that assist, the anniversary syndrome no longer has the power to incapacitate me like it used to.

Thank you for this validation and insight.

 

[Compass307]

Hi there, does anyone else notice a correlation between overwhelming thoughts, feelings and somatic symptoms and a specific time of the year? I recently found some old journals and without fail.. every year around the same time I am expressing the same exact symptoms, concerns and experiences but I have complete amnesia for it. Meaning I have no recall without these journal entries of feeling these things and I’m just really strutting with this. Any insight, personal stories.. anything would be very much appreciated.

*struggling with this.

 

[Movingforward10]

Yeah. Me too. April-June. November.

However: given we're in the middle of the April-June period: this year is absolutely fine.

Which means: you can work to reclaim the period. Turn it around. Hold different beliefs. Takes hard work and seems totally impossible when you're in the thick of it. But it actually is possible.

 

[Roland]

This is so helpful and so validating for me. Obviously I’m not thrilled it’s either of our experiences..but, it’s very normalizing to know that someone else knows what I mean. Thank you very much for sharing.

You’re welcome! I’ve found this forum to be so helpful myself.

 

[Jewell]

Hi there, does anyone else notice a correlation between overwhelming thoughts, feelings and somatic symptoms and a specific time of the year? I recently found some old journals and without fail.. every year around the same time I am expressing the same exact symptoms, concerns and experiences but I have complete amnesia for it. Meaning I have no recall without these journal entries of feeling these things and I’m just really strutting with this. Any insight, personal stories.. anything would be very much appreciated.

Big holidays like Christmas and new year’s
Because as a child I had great hope but things usually went bad because of alcoholism

 

[hithere]

Hi there, does anyone else notice a correlation between overwhelming thoughts, feelings and somatic symptoms and a specific time of the year? I recently found some old journals and without fail.. every year around the same time I am expressing the same exact symptoms, concerns and experiences but I have complete amnesia for it. Meaning I have no recall without these journal entries of feeling these things and I’m just really strutting with this. Any insight, personal stories.. anything would be very much appreciated.

Hi there. Yes for many, many years as an adult I would feel this disturbance, almost like a darkness, and I cannot describe it to you. Increase of dissociative symptoms, and I never knew why. I would tell my friends, "I hate Spring." And I did, I hate the increase in sunlight, I hated the warming air, I hated Spring and I would feel depressed. People thought I was odd. I realized after a decade when I was processing csa that those events happened in the Spring. There is so much more than just my saying "those events of csa" because there is a $hit ton more than that. Once I realized I was dealing with unconscious (or subconscious) or whatever memories or associations it took me many years to claim Spring back from a depressive state. I'm not totally thrilled with Spring because I love snow, and the shorter days, and the harshness of winter; and as an equestrian mud is something that truly sucks dealing with hooves and everything horse in the mud just stinks. But I can say I no longer feel that darkness, that gloom, those feelings of not wanting to be alive, since I've processed & grown through the work I've done on my inner world.