Another Question - Conversations in my Head

[joeylittle]

My T says that's referred to as "thinking". LOL

Your T cracks me up.

Those might qualify as "intrusive thoughts".

Yeah, I think that's the umbrella term for any kind of thinking that is difficult to control.

I literally can't just sit and enjoy the scenery or whatever - and I know that it's possible to just sit and not be doing this junk in my head, because I've done it before. I've always got some kind of 'Oh and this will happen and then that will happen and...' going on - and it just goes on pause if I try to shut it up. I turn up the radio, or I start talking out loud - and the stream of words just pauses - and as soon as there's space, it comes back again.

You're describing very well exactly what the concept of mindfulness is meant to address. I don't necessarily mean mindfulness as synonymous with meditation - the most basic form of mindfulness just involves staying present to the moment you are in, whether it's internal or external.

Learning to grab onto external stimuli as a way of grounding oneself is a really useful skill.

The way you experience turning on the radio, and getting some relief from it, and then having it come back: turning on the radio is what the land of mental health techniques would call "employing a distraction" - and that's 100% valid, awesome, yes, go coping skills, go!

Don't be afraid to use distractions. Tuning into that voice on the radio can be a way of practicing mindfulness - you're being present to that voice, that program - or, a specific kind of stimulus that helps engage part of your mind, so the rest of your mind can do something else. If you find that having the radio on in the background helps you concentrate on other things, go for it!

Me, when I need to just quiet my mind, I wash dishes. It's crazy. But it's my #1 combo grounding skill/distraction/mindfulness exercise.

And once you start being present to the things around you, it becomes not that hard to do. It will be harder at some times than others, that's why it's good to practice when things are not so bad, too.

 

[TTC18]

The way you experience turning on the radio, and getting some relief from it, and then having it come back: turning on the radio is what the land of mental health techniques would call "employing a distraction" - and that's 100% valid, awesome, yes, go coping skills, go!

Aha, that really helps me 'get' the concept of mindfulness/grounding in a way I didn't before. I do a guided meditation thing at night to sleep - and I find that when I pay attention to it, I'm asleep in seconds. When I let my brain mute the meditation because I have to get to the end of whatever movie my brain is playing, I lie awake instead. I am finding it harder and harder and harder to be distracted lately - before I could just watch a movie or whatever and zone out. Now it has to be a move I've never seen. And it has to be a good movie. The number of good movies I've never seen isn't a lot! I can't read anymore - can't stay on the page. The only thing that 100% stops my mind from working is moving my mouth with sound coming out. Mostly that's singing, and I realized yesterday as I was singing out loud inappropriately in a store, which is a habit I've had for many years, that I've been using singing out loud as a way to shut my mind up for all that time. Nervous? Sing out loud! Insecure? Sing out loud! Can't stop thinking about xyz? Sing out loud! it just shuts off my brain - which is such a relief.
Note: I don't sing beautifully.
Reading out loud to my kiddo works as well, but not 100% because I can find myself reading ahead and going on autopilot if I don't watch out.

Thanks for answering this - like I said - your answer has really helped me 'get' those concepts, and I think it'll help a LOT.

 

[EveHarrington]

Ahhh so it sounds like the issue is repetitiveness and intrusive thoughts?

Or am I reading you wrong?

Just want to clarify.

I have/had this issue. Medication has taken most of it away.

It’s nice to have a calm(er) brain.

 

[TTC18]

Yes - the real issue is that I can't make it stop, I think!

 

[EveHarrington]

Ahhh I understand!

It was one of my worst symptoms until I got on the right meds.

I wish I could tell you what coping skills work for me, but aside from praying/talking to God and angels, nothing has really helped me. (Not pushing religion here at all, just sharing what has helped me.)

 

[Still Standing]

Learning to grab onto external stimuli as a way of grounding oneself is a really useful skill

^^^^^^^^This is what I need to learn to do, too. I talk to myself constantly, in my head, with ocassional break through moments when I get verbal. I tell people I am my own best conversationalist. I have great discussions with me. :whistling: I have done this all my life. It is my "safe" way to "talk" and not be punished or ridiculed. I also reenact conversations I may just have had with my Psych doc, friend, hubby, or someone in my past who may have misunderstood me etc. or I may have forgotten to include information or I felt I needed to defend of clarify myself, that did not happen in real life. In these, I can drift into them and not realize I am "conversing" in a "nether world", so to speak. It can be distracting because it pulls me away from the "here and now". I figure I am just going to make the most fantastic, neurotic old lady. I will be self-entertaining and entertaining for whoever is observing me. So, if you happen to see me in a store, talking to myself about the price of things, don't interrupt me. I will loose my train of thought and will have to repeat the whole conversation over again!!! :eek: :rolleyes:

 

[TTC18]

I wish I could tell you what coping skills work for me, but aside from praying/talking to God and angels, nothing has really helped me.

I think that's one of the things that bothers me. The more I have this stuff going on my head, the less I feel connected with God. It's like - instead of my attention/conversation/talking/connecting going toward God, it's going off in this other non-productive direction - like I'm pouring all this energy into talking - but not how I want to talk. I can't even pray for a *second* before I'm talking to myself again - my attention span is zilch, and I have this horrible empty place where all the prayer used to be. I tell myself that God understands and that He's still there - but I hate that I can't make myself pray anymore. I can't seem to make myself do ANYTHING anymore aside from occasionally picking up messes and bathing as needed. Blah.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m not sure what to advise as I’ve never struggled with talking to god in this way.

I don’t want to push meds, but they’ve really helped me. I take Geodon, an antipsychotic. It sounds scarier than it is! I take a tiiiiiny dose and it helps with the mind craziness. I’m super med sensitive so that’s why I’m ok with such a small dose.

 

[Friday]

I'm just coming to this conclusion that I don't know which parts of me need fixed. I

:roflmao: I did the exact opposite / exactly the same thing... for yeeeeeears I just assumed all of this was “me”. It took a bit of time and a lot of WHAT?! :wideeyed: REALLY?!? Whoa. Okay. So this is this, and that is that, and this... IDFK WTF this is, :confused: deal with it later...

The short answer about what needs fixing, IMO? Anything that bugs you, or you don’t like about yourself, or that you want better or different.

That’s what I did before I knew “this” was PTSD, and it’s the same thing I do now. Pretty much make a mental list of what pisses me off the most and work my way down it. Not all of it is PTSD. Some of it are just personal quirks, character defaults, or setting my sights high. <<< It doesn’t have to be wrong or broken to want to change or improve it.

- my attention span is zilch, and I have this horrible empty place where all the prayer used to be. I tell myself that God understands and that He's still there - but I hate that I can't make myself pray anymore. I can't seem to make myself do ANYTHING anymore aside from occasionally picking up messes and bathing as needed.

One of the things that helps me tons with intrusive thoughts and rumination is movement.

So you might try that as a combo grounding+prayer trick. Or one or the other, certainly. Not knowing what faith you are... I was just thinking of the walking meditations that are laid out in a lot of cathedrals, gardens, etc. Where one prays by following the path in front of them. Some are quite simple, some are very intricate. It’s a different kind of prayer, certainly, but I figure divine beings might like a little bit of spice & variety, too. Similarly? If you’re not up for large motor, fine motor, like counting rosary beads or mandala beads, or calligraphy / illumination.

 

[whiteraven]

I do this constantly. Mine is almost always in the form of conversations with people I know - like my therapist or my mom or a friend - and it's frequently to work out some sort of conflict. It's also "practicing," for how I will tell someone something or talk through a difficult issue. Another thing I do is imagine how the other person will respond and come up with several of my own.

I have to do this before many important interactions because I'm not good at spontaneous conversation. It helps me feel in control to an extent.

I do believe this can become pathological. If it manifests as intrusive thoughts, if the conversations in my head are more interesting or vibrant than those "outside," it's a problem. Only thing for me that has helped is practicing mindfulness. Simply being in the present with what is. Noticing the thoughts, but not grabbing hold of them or engaging them.