Another Question - Conversations in my Head

[TTC18]

So I keep asking you guys here about these weird things I've done forever - and every one that you (collectively) say 'Yep, that's normal' or 'Yeah, I do that too' makes me feel a little better, so here goes.
I have conversations in my head all day and all night - during all waking hours. I'm not talking to myself, and whoever I'm talking to doesn't answer back. It's kind of like the narrative you hear in your head while you're writing a letter, or typing up a post like this. Except I'm not writing a letter or typing a post, I'm sitting and thinking every word I'm saying (or would be saying) if I were talking to someone. I tell imaginary people about this thing or that thing that happened to me. I tell imaginary people how upset I am about this, that, or the other thing.. And these one-way conversations (the imaginary people don't answer back, thankfully) just go on repeat sometimes. I can tell the same story over and over and over again to no one - and until I write it down, it just won't stop. I think of exactly the words I'm going to say to someone in an email - I 'write' it in my head over and over and over, refining the phrasing, finding the best ways to explain things, or whatever - over and over until I finally just sit down and type it all out. Sometimes I don't type it out - and it just sits there in my head until something else comes up to get in the way.
It's worst at night, and when I am driving or washing dishes or anytime my mind isn't occupied.
??

 

[joeylittle]

I think what you're describing is very common, and not just common for PTSD sufferers. I'd describe what you are doing as a form of talking to yourself. Talking to oneself is what we (humans) call those narratives we experience in our minds, when we are going over something that happened, or will happen, or hypothetical conversations - even the inner voice that just narrates our actions, this is pretty common.

I think it's only edging towards pathological when the thoughts are too fast and you can't stop them, or when they get caught in a loop and lead to agitation, or when there's too vivid an experience of memories being replayed OR daydreams coming true...

Curious what others think.

 

[Lucycat]

I always have conversations in my head. Sometimes they are plans or practices of what I might do tomorrow. Other times they are what I wish I had said in a situation. They are constant, in my sleeping and wakeful times. Some are repetitive others a one-off.

 

[ladee]

I too have conversations with myself. Sometimes, more here lately, it's about talking myself into something, like cleaning the kitchen.. But I used to have such a running dialogue I was mentally exhausted.. but just like with you,if I share it, write it down, it settled down and stops.

I hate the 'loop thinking'.. that is usually a sure sign I need to tend to something. For instance, if someone upset me and I didn't tend to it right then... I will ruminate about what my answer should have been or what I will say next time when I see that person.

Don't know if it's 'normal', I just know many of us do it..

 

[Skywatcher]

I do it. I think the conversations that we practice or rewrite give us a sense of control. Plus, it is much like processing after therapy.

 

[Neverthesame]

I don't know how PTSD this is, but I do know it's fairly common. I've been doing this since I was a small child.

 

[scout86]

My T says that's referred to as "thinking". LOL Although some people think in pictures, and he says he thinks some people may think in "feelings". I've read a couple of articles lately that suggest it makes a difference which person you use when you run that mental conversation. Apparently it's more useful, somehow to think "You should do this next" than to think "I should do this next". (And, I can't remember where the articles were, so I can't give you any links. Sorry!)

 

[Friday]

It’s a human thing.

Internal Monologue (just one speaker)
Internal Dialogue (two or more speakers)

Monologueing has a whole lot of different types & variants. It sounds like your two most common are
- Rehearsing (practicing what you’re going to write or say)
- Narrating (describing what you’re seeing / doing)

Dialogueing often happens when you’re of 2 or more minds about something, are looking at things from a different perspective than you usually do, are remembering things others have said / their perspective, running through a memory/event involving others (or yourself in the past vs yourself now), or are attempting to change the way you think/feel behave. It’s actually not something to be afraid of, it’s rare that adults don’t have internal dialogues, although super common that adolescents only have monologues.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m concerned that you’re pathologizing very normal human behavior. I suspect that much of who you are is very normal and not part of a disorder such as ptsd. It’s good to ask because it’s a reality check. “Whew! I’m normal! This isn’t something that needs to be fixed.”

(I’m not saying you don’t have struggles, or that you don’t have ptsd.)

 

[shimmerz]

I have arguments in my head. Yes. Exhausting.

Then one day I said to myself - who the f*ck are you talking to?

Now when I find myself arguing in my head I interrupt it with 'who the f*ck are you talking to?'

If I don't have an answer I repeat the who are you talking to. That tends to stop it. If I do have an answer to who I am talking to - I repeat - well then - how about we call them and talk directly to them so they have a say.

It has worked. Limited brain spins these days.

 

[TTC18]

I’m concerned that you’re pathologizing very normal human behavior. I suspect that much of who you are is very normal and not part of a disorder such as ptsd.

That's exactly why I wanted to ask. I'm just coming to this conclusion that I don't know which parts of me need fixed. It's like going to the doctor because you hurt your elbow and while you're there he says, 'what's this mark on your arm?' and you say, 'Oh, I get myself there every time I iron, because my hand twitches when I move my arm in that direction.' and then he's ordering nerve conduction tests, and you start wondering about every twitch and hiccup that you just thought was normal before.
I think the only problem with the thinking thing is that I can't make it stop - and it's, many times, about things I don't really want to talk about. Like if you have a pushy friend who asks about your broken leg, and you say, yep, it hurts, and they say, but what KIND of hurt? Burning? Throbbing? Constant chronic ache? And you say well, it's throbbing right now, but let's talk about the weather, because wow did you see all that rain last night? And then they just keep on asking questions about the pain in your leg, so you have to answer and give a long detailed explanation of exactly how it hurts, which you don't want to do because thinking about it makes it more painful and you just want to be distracted. So I think the unwanted/intrusive/repetitive nature of the thinking and narrating and rehearsing is what makes it a problem at times. I literally can't just sit and enjoy the scenery or whatever - and I know that it's possible to just sit and not be doing this junk in my head, because I've done it before. I've always got some kind of 'Oh and this will happen and then that will happen and...' going on - and it just goes on pause if I try to shut it up. I turn up the radio, or I start talking out loud - and the stream of words just pauses - and as soon as there's space, it comes back again.

It’s a human thing.
... It’s actually not something to be afraid of....

Thank you for this!

Thanks, everyone, I appreciate your comments and time.

 

[scout86]

I think the only problem with the thinking thing is that I can't make it stop - and it's, many times, about things I don't really want to talk about.

That might be a "symptom". It's still thinking, but it's a particular type of not real useful thinking.... Been sitting here trying to remember what your call it. LOL Those might qualify as "intrusive thoughts".