Anticipatory Anxiety - Frightened

[Deleted member 34328]

Quick update or needing support today,

The day before an event or whatever the scenario is, is a super high anxiety day for me. Of course it's anticipatory anxiety, but panic is already starting to set in. - it's right below the surface and I'm doing my best to keep it hidden - husband and children in the home as well. I don't know what to do. Trying the breathing techniques since my throat keeps tightening up. - not working.

I have the opportunity to meet the guy leading the team today as he will be here within an hour or so to go over the house with us and lay out his plan. So I will have the chance to at least see the face and hear the voice before tomorrow morning. That's a positive. |I'm just going crazy with all this. The wiring in my head is going to explode!!!!!!

 

[Freedomfighter]

I have an upcoming event in my home that will require me to face one of my biggest triggers. I'm very...

I would agree, you need other people there at that time. Very sorry to hear that you can not count on your husband for any kind of support. I know how that goes, my ex saw me dying inside and continued his abuse at the same time.

In your position you need extra people to be present, or can you avoid that event all together?

I am in a slightly similar position, however with very serious implications. The people that perform maintenance in our apartment complex are connected to people that have stalked me for years. Among them are some very large beefy guys and it has come to my attention that the people that are responsible for stalking me would love for me to be alone with these guys: and I am sure that the implications from that could be leading to rape and physical harm.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

@Freedomfighter How awful for you!!!! I'm horrified that you're in such a compromising situation! Is there nothing or no one who can be alerted to this potential threat? That's not something to take lightly. Please be careful!

Today was the first day of demolition in the house. Very stressful with high anxiety. I did have someone with me who was and did step in and took a couple of times. She reads my signals - knows me well enough. I was so thankful for her presence. She arrived at 6:30 this morning and will be here at 7:15 tomorrow.

Once the work got started and a few things got done that I needed done, she took me to her place for a couple of hours just so I'd have the chance to let down if I could. She's going to help me transition this week with the workers. Give the pushes needed for me to eventually be able to handle things on my own. At least for this week, I know she has my back. Not a small thing. She is my one support person. Has been walking with me for the last 4 years. Never had PTSD herself, but everyone has a story.

This will probably be a 3 week or so renovation project. I'll be on my own for most of it. Just have to take it one hour at a time. I can't even try to look or plan ahead. I'm not in a psychological position right now to be able to. Everything is a threat. The transition with my friend will be good. (her daughter is my age)

Thank you for checking in with me. Maybe you didn't know it was a big day for me today, but regardless it means a lot!

 

[Deleted member 34328]

update: Hope someone responds. Feels like a horrible day. It's the third day of construction in my home and today didn't go well at all. I really don't like one of the workers and ended up in a fight/flight situation. There seemed to be some mix up in some of the materials that were delivered and the although I understand completely that they weren't upset at me, the frustration was still aimed at me and I was expected to know the answers to questions I didn't know.

As soon as a man I don't know, who's in my home turns with any type of annoyance or gets too close, the anxiety races up. My support friend was here and had to intervene since my brain went out the window. She had to physically take me out of the house.

I feel so embarrassed and ashamed to have lost control so badly. The workers are not remotely connected to my trauma. They have nothing to do with it, yet one person can have me running and throwing up what I didn't even eat. I can't stop shaking and crying. I have pretty much never actually run from a challenge before even if the aftermath is brutal.

How do I psych myself up for tomorrow when I know already that another person that I have yet to meet will be coming in for the day? I can't leave this time since there are two projects happening at the same time and the second hasn't given a specific time. I don't know who the second person will be either.

This just can't be happening!