I am struggling with PTSD. Abused in childhood, custody battles, bad relationships, etc. Lost my sister in a car accident at a young age. Additionally, lost 2 friends to suicide this past year.
The most recent stressor: My partner having left me on 7 occasions, including while pregnant with his child. She is only 2 months old now.
We had a very huge breakup in June while I was pregnant. He never wanted children. It was extremely traumatic for me. I lost my belongings. Lost my home. Uprooted my children. Was in the hospital to deliver our baby alone and in the hospital for my 6 year old during the stressful time.
Once the paternity test came back, the baby's dad decided to try to make things work. I am very greatful that he is doing so.
But my PTSD is causing a lot of problems with mending the relationship. I wake up sweating with severe nightmares, all of them in which he is leaving me and I am scared of not seeing my baby.
If I don't hear from him for a few hours, I get anxious and feel like I'm going to vomit. I worry myself sick. I imagine he isn't coming back, as he left and didn't return for months during my pregnancy. I felt scared, alone, and had no support during that time.
When I try to reach out to him for support and reassurance, sometimes he is very withdrawn and/or bites my head off. Says he needs alone time. Pushes me away making me feel even worse and more anxious/worried. He says I don't always tell him what's wrong, but when I do try to communicate and say it, he says I don't word things the right way.
Sometimes I get frustrated and just pack my things, wanting to run far away because he is mad at me and I feel broken or something. I show him I am trying to work through my anxiety. He simply gets short-tempered with me instead of giving me a hug when I need a hug the most.
He can be sensitive and supportive sometimes. Other times he is annoyed, short-tempered, impatient with me.
This relationship is sometimes a struggle for me. I do love him very much. I love my children and our baby very much. Sharing my baby between 2 houses is a crippling fear that I have. Him leaving and not providing financial support (which would result in me having to try making ends meet on my salary) is also a crippling fear that I have.
How do I stop this cycle of fear that is tearing me apart inside.
The most recent stressor: My partner having left me on 7 occasions, including while pregnant with his child. She is only 2 months old now.
We had a very huge breakup in June while I was pregnant. He never wanted children. It was extremely traumatic for me. I lost my belongings. Lost my home. Uprooted my children. Was in the hospital to deliver our baby alone and in the hospital for my 6 year old during the stressful time.
Once the paternity test came back, the baby's dad decided to try to make things work. I am very greatful that he is doing so.
But my PTSD is causing a lot of problems with mending the relationship. I wake up sweating with severe nightmares, all of them in which he is leaving me and I am scared of not seeing my baby.
If I don't hear from him for a few hours, I get anxious and feel like I'm going to vomit. I worry myself sick. I imagine he isn't coming back, as he left and didn't return for months during my pregnancy. I felt scared, alone, and had no support during that time.
When I try to reach out to him for support and reassurance, sometimes he is very withdrawn and/or bites my head off. Says he needs alone time. Pushes me away making me feel even worse and more anxious/worried. He says I don't always tell him what's wrong, but when I do try to communicate and say it, he says I don't word things the right way.
Sometimes I get frustrated and just pack my things, wanting to run far away because he is mad at me and I feel broken or something. I show him I am trying to work through my anxiety. He simply gets short-tempered with me instead of giving me a hug when I need a hug the most.
He can be sensitive and supportive sometimes. Other times he is annoyed, short-tempered, impatient with me.
This relationship is sometimes a struggle for me. I do love him very much. I love my children and our baby very much. Sharing my baby between 2 houses is a crippling fear that I have. Him leaving and not providing financial support (which would result in me having to try making ends meet on my salary) is also a crippling fear that I have.
How do I stop this cycle of fear that is tearing me apart inside.
