Anxiety And Sex?

[Chaoticmind]

Was your relationship under any additional strain when you were navigating your Grandmothers death?...

No. My relationship was find and my boyfriend was supportive and there for me during that difficult time.

I guess it would come up when I would think about seeing my boyfriend. I would start thinking "ok sex today" and for some reason would feel anxious. I really can't pinpoint anything except the time frame in which it was just a thought in my mind to actual panic after

 

[EveHarrington]

I can talk about my CSA until I'm blue in the face and it doesn't really cause much of an emotional reaction.

Why?

Because I've processed it and put it in the past.

I can have tonnes of sex and not get triggered for the same reason. I've processed my trauma and put it in the past. (Got lots of other PTSD crap but that's neither here nor there.)

Talking about trauma doesn't mean you've processed it or put it in the past where it belongs.

I think that if you actually laid your trauma to rest, that you wouldn't be getting so nasty with those of us who are responding to you and trying to help you.

Aside-------if your sex issue isn't trauma/PTSD based, why are you asking about it on a PTSD forum?

I think we all know the answer to this, and you do, too.

Denial is a bitch to deal with. Healing comes only with acceptance.

 

[joeylittle]

@EveHarrington - how would you (or anyone) know the PTSD is from the rape and not the near-death? Honest question.

I'm not sure it's possible.

 

[Suzetig]

Anxiety about sex can be about lots of different things, as @joeylittle says - I think the obvious place to start is CSA but it could be anything. There could be a fear or closeness or intimacy sparked by the loss of a relative, fear of loss of control, and of course once someone has been anxious before or during sex the anxiety itself can be self perpetuating to where you can't identify what the original anxiety was about because it's all now become about sex.

Given your boyfriend was supportive during a very difficult time for you, it may be that you are anxious about his view of you now that he's seen you in distress, something about feeling exposed perhaps. Just questioning this because it can really be around for me when I've let someone see me very distressed - it's hard then to be vulnerable with them again because I feel too visible, if that makes sense?

 

[joeylittle]

...it would come up when I would think about seeing my boyfriend. I would start thinking "ok sex today" and for some reason would feel anxious.

Thats probably where you'd begin digging into this with a therapist.

Before you know what the real root cause of something is, there's not a big advantage in ruling anything out. People aren't wrong to tell you to keep your CSA in the mix - it's part of your history. So you don't need to assume it's that just because your current anxiety spikes around sex, but nor do you need to eliminate it.

It was also not that long ago that your grandmother died. There's a grief component there. And sometimes, when we pressure ourselves to move forward, or be 'getting past' something, performance anxiety starts popping up in strange, seemingly unrelated places.

Lots of variables.

 

[Chaoticmind]

Ok everyone. I am not getting defensive. I am getting angry. Clearly I am explaining how these issues occurred recently along with anxiety and panic attacks which I never suffered from before. The fact that my sex issue is starting right after being diagnosed with GAD and panic is not a coincedence. I came here to see if anyone ever experienced these issues during sex. Not to be told about my past and how I should handle my life. So again, if all you can do is tell me "oh it's from csa" then I ask you kindly to not answer. If you have experienced panic during sex or want to help me figure out how to defeat this then by all means, comment away.

 

[GWhizz]

Just wondering what your relationship with your gran was like, ie was it very significant to you and impactful when she passed? I can tell you that I never had the same anxiety about sex before I gave birth. I know it's a completely different matter but my psych team told me that the significance of that event changed things. Remember people react differently to their trauma. Some sexual abuse survivors become overly engaged in sexual activities, others completely avoidant. I believe I swung from one extreme to the other before and after giving birth.

You did say that any help would be great, and so I'm curious as to what kind of help your T is offering? Because it would be hard for anyone here to advise on what's most appropriate to you specifically. Personally, I've had to try a lot of different skills before I felt like anything could ever help decrease the anxiety. I do find dbt helpful, specifically paced breathing, and paired muscle relaxation. I also find mindfulness beneficial. But for me it's a fine line between panic and dissociation. And so I encourage that you work on developing coping strategies with your T as they take time to master and implement even in the least stressful scenarios.

 

[Chaoticmind]

Just wondering what your relationship with your gran was like, ie was it very significant to you and imp...

Thanks for the response. Ok let's see. We had an interesting relationship. She always had something to say about my weight and would always put me down for it. She was a cold person at times (up til she got sick and my grandpa passed in 2013). However, her was of showing love was buying things and giving money out. So she did a lot for me material wise. But despite the differences with my weight, we had a decent relationship. I went to lots of broadways shows with her, always went shopping with her, slept over her house at least 2 times a month as a kid. Saw her every weekend.
We knew she was sick but her death was very sudden. The last time I saw her well was Feb 28th at her rehab/nursing home she was temporarily at. She went into the hospital the next day but that was a normal routine for her. Every few weeks she'd have to go in and get the water and toxins flushed out of her (she had liver disease) March 5th I went to visit her in the hospital. She wants entirely herself. Didn't look good, wasn't talking much, etc but we didn't think much of it. She was just in pain from all the water in her body pushing on her organs (again normal for her). The next day we get a call that she wasn't breathing on her own and my uncle decided to put her on life support. The decision was made to take her off Friday the 11th. I went with my mom and uncle. When I saw her, I ran out crying. I just kept telling myself that isn't my grandma, she looked horrible. Seeing her that way took a toll on me.

As for therapy. I have tried dbt and cbt. I hated dbt but currently doing cbt. My therapist feels that until I get the physical symptoms of my anxiety under control that the sex issue can't be addressed. She says this because my anxiety is more the physical stuff rather than the overthinking. I do meditations and deep breathing excersizes at home. Try to do it once a day but sometimes more if I'm in panic mode or just feel anxious overall.

Sorry very long post.

 

[GWhizz]

I understand that it can be impossible to implement calming strategies when actively panicking. But glad you are practicing anyway as they do have a place, even if limited. It sounds as though your T has a good plan in place. It can only be done one step at a time. Hopefully, in the meantime, your bf can understand and be sensitive to this. I know just how frustrating it can be, but try to be patient with yourself. It's a minefield for me so baby steps and a very nurturing sensitive partner are essential. I haven't even begun to work on sex specifically, moreso the general panic attack and anxiety symptoms.

Either way, I applaud your courage to address this in therapy.

 

[GWhizz]

And I'm sorry about your gran, grief can do many things to us and it is still pretty raw for you.

 

[manzie]

my anxiety started in March after my grandma passing. It's a pretty long story of misdiagnosis and...

Just know that sex is a special thing and you should not feel ashamed I was sexually abused as a child but struggled when I was younger it will pass be just let yourself no that you are doing nothing dirty and that your partner will reassure you as well that you are special and loved.

 

[Gs172003]

Thank you for a decent answer.

Ok so this is basically how it happened. April, would get anxious...

Your response to them talking about your trauma at 9 screams you aren't over it. In my opinion your mind is replaying that and your grandma's death brought it back to the surface. Where you close to her as a child?