Anxiety and Something I Can't Identify

[whiteraven]

Over the last few years, I've learned to recognize just how incredibly anxious and tense I am, all the time. Until maybe the last several months, it's manifested mostly as physical symptoms. My muscles are tight, I have headaches, that sort of thing. The muscle tightness is constant. It is hard sometimes to recognize until I deliberately try to relax.

So, I know the anxiety is there. And now, it manifests in other ways. I completely avoid a lot of things--most recently, going out of the house for a lengthy period of time.

But there are other feelings I can't identify. And maybe they are all tied in with the anxiety. I don't know. What I do know is that I feel REALLY bad. It's not new--it's been ongoing for a long time--but it's especially bad tonight. Everything hurts and everything is tense. I can't focus enough to get anything done. There's no real thinking--I think I live much of the time in this weird, dissociated state. I feel tears under the surface. I want to scream. I'm restless, fidgety.

A shower helps, at least while I'm taking it. But not much else. I took a walk, which just made the pain worse.

My skin is super sensitive. And like I said, lots of physical pain, which makes me think it might be a combination of the anxiety and fibro.

So tired of living like this.

 

[Friday]

$5 says you’re getting sick / fighting something off.

Speaking as someone who ends up in the ICU because I mistake the signs of illness with PTSD …just…. doing it’s thing.

Take your temp. Take some Tylenol(paracetamol)/Ibuprofen. Get some sleep. If you feel worse, after? You’re probably “just” sick. And need to triple down on the self care. As opposed to doubling down, when it’s “just” PTSD, doing it’s thing.

 

[whiteraven]

$5 says you’re getting sick / fighting something off.

Hm...I have had these episodes for a very long time. Temp is always normal (for me, that's low), I take Tylenol and Ibuprofen almost every day for pain, and I've had numerous tests. I *wish* it were something physical. Or at least something physical someone could identify. I think that would be easier to manage.

Take your temp. Take some Tylenol(paracetamol)/Ibuprofen. Get some sleep. If you feel worse, after? You’re probably “just” sick. And need to triple down on the self care. As opposed to doubling down, when it’s “just” PTSD, doing it’s thing.

I always sleep well, and I wake up depressed. Always.

I am trying to do better in terms of self-care. Hard, though, you know, when you really don't care about self.

 

[arfie]

steadying support while you sort, raven. always something else, huh? i don't know if it is pertinent to your case, but. . .

i like the onion analogy for my own recovery. there always seems to be another layer with the tears growing in intensity as i get nearer the heart. the layer where i began to realize just how anxious i was --all the freaking time-- revealed the layer of just how much physical damage i was doing with those tensed up muscles, etc., i had previously been unaware of. new awareness tend to haunt me with an intensity old awareness can't muster. all too often, they require i find and adopt new coping tools to deal.