Smile
MyPTSD Pro
I didn’t wake up in a great mood but was hopeful that going out would improve it.
I went to fill car with gas at a gas station I rarely go to. It’s inconvenient bc you can’t pay at the pump, you need to walk over to the teller. But it was way cheaper so…
As I was walking over to teller he’s an older man with what seemed like a sweet smile which I automatically mirrored. He said something through the window that I didn’t quite understand but something to the effect that I have a nice smile. He took my credit card, was completing my payment, and then told me to come in. I was confused bc there isn’t really an “in” to go into. It’s not a store. Just a booth that’s his private space. But he opened the ironclad door (no outside door knob) so I took one step in… I DID need to get my card back.
He said something about how every time he sees me I look so beautiful or some kind of garbage like that and I said thanks and (FINALLY ) took my card.
He then opened both arms, pretty much asking for a hug. Him and I are from different cultures and I figured his was into hugs so (as much as I didn’t want to) I allowed him. But then he immediately snuck one arm all the way around me to rest on my hip and I jerked back.
I know I’m being a drama queen but I felt like I’d been groped. This triggered a panic and anxiety attack which I’m still trying to get over. I can’t stop remembering his hand on my body. And I feel so icky and dirty.
No flashbacks, THANK GOODNESS. Maybe bc his action didn’t remind me of any action done to me when molested/raped?
Just feeling very vulnerable. Like my insides are on the outside and any little thing can set me off.
Why did I allow him to touch me?? Can’t stand myself
I went to fill car with gas at a gas station I rarely go to. It’s inconvenient bc you can’t pay at the pump, you need to walk over to the teller. But it was way cheaper so…
As I was walking over to teller he’s an older man with what seemed like a sweet smile which I automatically mirrored. He said something through the window that I didn’t quite understand but something to the effect that I have a nice smile. He took my credit card, was completing my payment, and then told me to come in. I was confused bc there isn’t really an “in” to go into. It’s not a store. Just a booth that’s his private space. But he opened the ironclad door (no outside door knob) so I took one step in… I DID need to get my card back.
He said something about how every time he sees me I look so beautiful or some kind of garbage like that and I said thanks and (FINALLY ) took my card.
He then opened both arms, pretty much asking for a hug. Him and I are from different cultures and I figured his was into hugs so (as much as I didn’t want to) I allowed him. But then he immediately snuck one arm all the way around me to rest on my hip and I jerked back.
I know I’m being a drama queen but I felt like I’d been groped. This triggered a panic and anxiety attack which I’m still trying to get over. I can’t stop remembering his hand on my body. And I feel so icky and dirty.
No flashbacks, THANK GOODNESS. Maybe bc his action didn’t remind me of any action done to me when molested/raped?
Just feeling very vulnerable. Like my insides are on the outside and any little thing can set me off.
Why did I allow him to touch me?? Can’t stand myself