Anxiety Is Through The Roof Right Now!

[Philippa]

As some of you may have read, I am currently forced to find a new home as the person whose room I was minding decided to return from europe 5 months early , and apparently didn't realize I was still living here...as I had to move out of his room because I could not continue to pay rent.

It was stressful enough just that part of the story, but now, he is coming back...could be any day my housemate says?? They don't know when exactly he is coming back and apparently he is the sort of person who may just forget to inform them and just turn up...which means that if he just turns up...I have to go, as they have already unanimously decided they don't want more than 5 people in the house at one time.

The uncertainty is what is causing me to be extremely anxious right now...as he could very well jsut show up in a few days from now...or a month...no one knows, and he isn't telling??

I have a couple of options, but it is right now just trying to remain calm and positive, as I have been the last couple of days with the support of friends. Now it's all bad again though...

I feel like i am slipping with every moment into a state of depression and just feel like this is unbelievable. I cannot believe this is happening to me...again. I may be homeless again?

I have found some advertisments asking for a female to live for free in exchange for a few household jobs...but that is way out in the sticks...hours away and I have no transport of my own. Other options require me to be there for at least a month, and if I stay there I may miss out on one of the places I am looking to rent...that i actually WANT to live in??

The guys I am living with have just bought a 57 inch LCD Plasma television and are right now blasting computer games from it...which is seriously causing me even more anxiety. It's so loud. I have earplugs, but they don't block out noise that well when it is right outside my door.

I really need some support here...to feel better. I just feel so...dismayed at my life right now. Trying to stay positive and I know it will all work out...but right now it's just very hard. The anxiety is really making it hard to think straight as well.

I'm supposed to be starting studying in two weeks to be an art therapist...and this is just causing so much stress and anxiety for me right now.

I am doing my best to just breathe. I can't even cry...the room I am in right now has no walls, as it is the storage room they moved me into after i couldn't pay the rent for his room anymore. I feel like things are just spiralling even further down for me right now...

Maybe it needs to happen this way before it gets better? Maybe it is a lesson to help me embrace uncertainty and go with it? I can't say I am relishing the prospects of having to vacate at any moment, because he decided to return 5 months early without considering how it might inconvenience me.:(:cry::unsure::poop:

 

[Philippa]

I know that anxiety is there when some sort of change needs to take place or is about to take place...and I know that it will be for the best. It's just so hard right now. I don't know if I can cope with it. It feels way to much.

I had it together earlier. Went and viewed a place to live out in Belgrave which was just what I am looking for, and I felt really positive about it and like I'd been productive. Now, I just want to disappear.

 

[The Albatross]

(((Philippa))) Any way to trouble shoot the place in Belgrave? It sounds as though you have been productive. I wish I could say more directly helpful things. But I'm here for you.

 

[Philippa]

Thankyou. It is helpful just to know you are here.

I need to fill in the form and hand it in to the real estate people. They are having another inspection on saturday as well, so I'm guessing they won't decide until then. Not sure what you mean by trouble shooting though?

<Quoted post directly above reply removed>

 

[Philippa]

I just watched a show with my housemates, so feeling a bit better, after I had some soup and just venting here took the charge out of the anxiousness.

 

[Venusian]

(((Philippa))) It sounds like you are doing what you need to do to find your own place. Your roommates must see that. You also said that you have already moved out of the room that the returning roommate will need when he gets there. If you are still in the room you are sleeping in now will that really be a problem if they know it is only temporary and you ARE looking for new place? Have you discussed the situation with your roommates? It may have been a unanimous decision to only have 5 people in the house but will they bend if they know it is only temporary? Especially since there is such a big question mark as to when the other person is coming back?


Update: I am glad you have been able to calm down some. You posted more when I was writing. Amazing what a good show and a meal can do.

 

[Philippa]

Hi Venusian.

Yeah, I'm not too sure if they will really be able to turf me out. They're nice guys and I can sense they care about me, even if they are acting like it's not their problem. They're human. We'll see?

I did say that I had options, so obviously they would prefer I exhaust them first. I have a feeling they would let me stay if he did just turn up in a few days from now. The guy who is sort of the leader here said that if this guy comes back sooner rather than later, then they have said that it has been inconvenient, to say the least, for both me and his sister who just moved into the guy's room after me to pay the rent.

Apparently, the guy is just going to email them...though I said I would prefer he email me with information directly, my housemate said he has a lot on his plate right now as well, and doesn't know himself when he can get a flight? It's just all uncertain, which I hate.

He isn't doing it deliberately though, I found out. Apparently he did not realize I was still living here. He thought I'd actually moved out of the building when I moved out of his room.

That's what is causing the anxiety. If I knew when he was coming back it would be fine...I could make arrangements...but he could turn up two days from now unannounced...and want to move into the room I'm in...which they said they would allow, since he has been a long standing member of the household...despite the inconvenience.

I don't know? I guess I will believe it when I see it. Would they really make me leave the room because he has turned up without giving ample time to find a place? So far they have been really helpful and human, so I wonder if they really could do that?

I think I may not have explained it well enough here. I moved out of the guy in europes room and another housemates sister moved into his room, and she could cover the rent. I am now in the storage room which I turned into a massage room recently to help pay the rent...which got shut down.

If the guy comes home in a few days, he will have nowhere to sleep since his room is now occupied by my other housemates sister...so the only other place to sleep for him is the room I am in...which they have said will be his when he does get here.

Hope that is clearer?

I think nick is just letting me think that to put the pressure on so I will look for places...which I have been? They are trying to be loyal to their housemate but also to be fair to me...and also have their lives, which have also been disrupted by all of this.

 

[The Albatross]

Not sure what you mean by trouble shooting though?

What ever changes need to be in place for you to be able to feel safe in secure in your new place. I'm just hoping that you will find something that suits so that you don't have to pull up and move again... so that you can have a sense of a secure space. A lot of anxiety for me comes from stressing about that.

 

[Philippa]

Yes, I know what you mean. This isn't the first time this has happened...but it's the worst of them, that's for sure.

I just want my own secure space to live.

 

[The Albatross]

Phillipa you're taking a well thought out reasoned look at the whole thing. I'm in your cheering section for a personally satisfying victory. If you see any birdies when your out, one of them is me.

 

[Sunny:)]

When faced with uncertainty and it feels like someone else has control of my life, my anxiety definitely gets unmanageable. Eventually, I realize I need to take control of my life. I ask myself, "What do I need to do to take care of myself right now?" I examine the situation to see where I can make a decisive move for myself.

It sounds like the uncertainty of the guy's return is really setting you off. No matter what, take good care of yourself. Make a decision, no matter how small, for YOU. Best wishes!

 

[Philippa]

Thanks rytngal. That makes sense.

Today I went into work and the woman I work for seemed weird with me. She left the room almost as soon as I got there, and then later, when I went downstairs, I noticed she left and went upstairs when I started talking to her and her friend.

I wasn't overly stressed or depressed or anything. It had been a productive day and I just got back from viewing a place to live which wasn't too bad. Her friend started giving me the lecture about how life is a series of moments and if I can just be happy and joyful then everything will be ok, and I will enjoy my life more.

I'm sure he was trying to help, but I don't think I was being overly neg or depressed, and it felt like what he said made me feel worse not better, as he was pointing out that I wasn't happy or joyful and therefore not 'doing' life very wisely or something. I tried not to read too into it. I know people try to help, but sometimes their words aren't helpful.

It left me wondering how others perceive me, as I didn't think I was projecting that much sadness or low spirits. I was actually feeling quite good considering, and have been managing my stress.

I wasn't sure what the deal was with her though? They thought I took 2 bottles of palm oil from one of the practitioners spaces in the day spa I work in, but I explained that it wasn't me and I didn't know what she was talking about.

Does she really think I would steal 2 measly bottles of oil? I'm not sure whether she is angry at me, as my 'friend' suggested, or if she can pick up on me being angry with her...for feeling like she has turned me into her personal slave? It's possible she just assumed I'd be all victimy and neg because of my situation, and she didn't want to "catch my vibes" or something??

It was strange...??