Think of it as a strategic retreat
@Katiesue.
Getting through the bullying is really damn hard for someone who does not have PTSD, that is for sure. I have seen that up close and personal. For those of us who have PTSD it is really hard going.
Anxiety is not winning - you are doing a great job of managing an almost impossible situation which is triggering you. Way to go
@Katiesue!
Bullying is endemic in Australian workplaces, and part of the bully's
modus operandi is to get you to doubt yourself. What you are feeling is very common for someone who is being bullied. A couple of people close to me have been bullied in the workplace, and they have all said and felt similar things to what you are talking about.
So please ease up and stop being so hard on yourself Kristin Neff has a website on Self Compassion which has written exercises and audio you can download for free or listen to for free.
Self-Compassion Exercises by Dr. Kristin Neff I would passionately suggest that you learn the three steps of the Self Compassion Break and start to learn how to self soothe yourself.
1. This is a moment of suffering
I am being bullied at work and this is really a serious moment of suffering for me. I am really suffering from someone who is targeting me unfairly. Somedays this bullying is really overwhelming for me.
2. Suffering is a part of life
All over the planet people who are being bullied at work are feeling similar feelings to me. Other people who are being bullied at work are feeling as upset as I am feeling. I am definitely not alone in my feelings of despair, overwhelm, distress and despair over being bullied at work. Millions of people who are being bullied at work feel the same or similar feelings to me. Today other people are struggling with being bullied at work.
So the next step is to say to yourself silently, in written form or outloud.
3. May I be kind to myself
So this part you need to choose your own self soothing comments or a physical gesture of hugging yourself, holding your own hand, caressing your own forehead etc.
Or you can come up with some sentences of kindness towards your own self. You can ask yourself what you need to hear to comfort yourself.
You can work out some phrases that are soothing to yourself.
May I give myself lots of self compassion for this struggle with this bully.
How brave am I to take a mental health day off to take care of myself?
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There are some great books to read about workplace bullying, and other types of bullying. There are many websites that are available as well.
Workplace bullying: Violence, Harassment and Bullying Fact sheet | Australian Human Rights Commission
Workplace Bullying, Harassment | How to Deal | ReachOut Australia
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This resource might interest you
In essence, workplaces are emotional torture chambers for a significant minority of workers. This has significant impacts not just on the victims but on morale and productivity.
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The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans.
Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace. by Noa Davenport, Ruth Distler Schwartz & Gail Pursell Elliott
Bullying at Work by Andrea Adams
There are many books on workplace bullying and many forums on workplace bullying, I suggest that you might have a look some of them so you know that you are not alone.
You already know other people at work are scared of this bully, so you know you are not alone.
Supportive Bystander Behaviours What you can do to stop bullies - Be a supportive bystander: Violence, Harassment and Bullying Fact sheet | Australian Human Rights Commission
Finland did a study on bullying in schools, and they then they did a follow up and found out that the bullying when there were interactions between the bullied and the bullier it made no real difference, so their next bullying program focussed on the bystanders of the bullying and that is where the real difference was made.
KiVa International - KiVa
