Girl3 I know what you mean I just feel like I need to move to feel I can gain control back to my life again.
Recently my fear of my past coming back to haunt me have become a reality. Some people I know from high school which is the time in my life when it happened. There are two people from my old school in two of my classes that apparently have been talking about me behind my back, so now all I've been hearing is people talking about me behind my back almost the whole day (if I stay on campus). All of which I don't know or have ever met.
Has been very stressful and of course happening during midterms. I can't progress any further given my environment. I haven't been able to see my Dr. yet but I was able to talk on the phone for a few minutes with enough time to talk about my anxiety with my classes recently which has been the case. I'm taking a generic of ativan which has been extremely helpful, way better then nothing, in being able to try and handle my classes. It's .5 mg which may be ok for test anxiety but probably not enough in my case? But it also gets complicated in dose since I also have add medicines.
I'm not sure I will feel ready to open up with my Dr yet, until I can feel safe with school not currently turning into a nightmare, but idk I feel my situation is to complex for me to fully be capable of keeping my sanity without just relocating, which I have wanted to do any way. :\, I'm not sure I can take another year of what I had to deal with this same thing in high school. But I'm ready to move on from my past but without it in my control is still effecting me even when I want to move forward.
Thank you for the input soulfLC, I think the atvan has helped drastically reduce my cravings a lot, but I would probably look into that in the future if I'm not able to taper off smoking which I've been able to do before for a while.
I have noticed my dreams have become very vivid and interesting with people I haven't seen or heard from for years, kinda wearied but at least I don't think I've had night terrors. Also Is way easier to fall asleep but I feel I mite be wanting to sleep too much as an escape of my new situation but I know that's not a good way of dealing with my problems. But I guess at least better then being unable to sleep.
Thank you for the feed back it's been a lot less impacting as I'd imagine it would be otherwise being able to talk about. :)
<Edited- inserted paragraph breaks.>