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Anyone else experience extreme periods of rage followed by an extreme comedown resulting in exhaustion.

I don't have the knowledge of some of the moderators on here so all i can do is relate to the things or not and share insights about myself that may apply to you. Im not trying to make it all about me. But ill continue.

I don’t lose it over nothing. I go out of my way to help people and am always respectful regardless of age. I don’t want trouble I for sure never cause it, I just want to be left alone.

For me it’s a win at all cost mentality, it’s not something I have worked to instil, it just is. I can’t switch off until it’s resolved one way or another. Life is put on hold until it’s settled.
I will always go over and beyond to try and not have a problem with anyone weaker or stronger than me, and if we still have a problem then I feel that a clear intention has been shown to harm me, be it physically, financially or verbally. A declaration of war, oppression, abuse. Whatever we want to call it. So what am I supposed to do apart from defend myself?

This line of thought crosses over into my daily life and relationships, obviously I’m not fighting my friends and family or going around hitting people for little to no reason, but it does result in over reaction and over analysing in arguments and has led me over the years to just not have ppl close to me and have little conversation with pretty much anyone.

I guess I love and protect my people from a distance. I’m always told that they feel safe around me as they know I’m switched on. But that’s all I’m switched on to, I have no powers to build any sort of relationship with anyone.
This sounds alot like me when im frazzled or circling the drain. Except for this part with a slight difference.

I will always go over and beyond to try and not have a problem with anyone weaker or stronger than me, and if we still have a problem then I feel that a clear intention has been shown to harm me, be it physically, financially or verbally. A declaration of war, oppression, abuse. Whatever we want to call it. So what am I supposed to do apart from defend myself?
I am majorly avoidant unless you give me a reason in the moment and then in that moment is when i will defend myself. The only people i have ever actively thought seriously about hurting was the guy who slept with my wife while i was in iraq and the guy who slept with my kids mom while we were still together. Other than that my brain wont let me, i guess is the best way to put it.

It might actually be closer to how i felt when i was a young adult before i went to iraq. But maybe thats just me trying to hard to relate.

I cannot take a graduate seriously who learnt this stuff out of a book. Maybe that’s wrong of me but it’s just how I feel
From my understanding alot of people who specialize in this stuff do so as therapy for themselves. Maybe finding the right person is the key to you being able to open up about it.

Also what i thought i knew about myself before i started going down the CPTSD rabbit hole and what i think i know about myself now are vastly different and i suspect the things i will know about myself in the future are subject to change as well.
 
I’m on the Autism Spectrum and this is a lot how I experience meltdowns. It may not be the case for you, but could be interesting to see if you relate to any other traits!
 
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