Anyone Else Feel Like This Sometimes?

[Storm-ridden]

My anxiety random sky rocketed last night, but I thought I had it under control. Went out for a bit and did a bit of exercise, then went home and got ready to get some stuff done. Nothing big or overwhelming- I just wanted to try making some beef jerky and some granola bars (I have Celiac Disease, so food can be expensive- had moderate success making snacks before and was just going to alter the recipe a bit), and send out an email or 2. Maybe sit back and read, relax a little...

Couldn't do any of it.

I wanted to, but I just couldn't. I started winding up, and got more and more anxious. Nothing I wanted to do was hard, and they were things that I kind of like doing, so it shouldn't have been a problem. But it was impossible to make myself actually do anything. Its.. I've got a metaphor or two, does this sound familiar to anyone?

I can "see" (in my mind's eye) things that I want to get done. They are RIGHT THERE and it should be no problems going and doing them. But I can't take that last step. I can't break through an invisible barrier to go be "normal" and do what I want to do. The clear wall won't break no matter how hard I pound on it. Or sometimes it feels like there's a chasm between me and whatever it is I want to do. Everything is RIGHT THERE, but I can't make myself take that final step to go do it. And also, my brain just won't focus on one thing sometimes, no matter how hard I try.

Anyone else ever feel this way?

I got so frustrated with it that when my boyfriend got home, he ended up comforting me through a bunch of anxiety and then tears of pure anger and frustration at not being able to do what I wanted when I wanted. Just so tired of sometimes being ok, then suddenly not being able to do even little things! Sometimes I can break the barrier, but not very often.

 

[JarHed]

Anyone else ever feel this way?

Hey Storm-Ridden

Yes, I do as well. It always seems to sneak up on me when I least expect it. I sometimes ask myself when it's happening, why is this happening? Everything will seem cool and not anxiety producing but there it is.

I've just gotten to the point where I don't try to analyze it, I just mitigate it. For me at that moment it doesn't help to figure out where it came from and sometimes it can make it worse. Anxiety can be like a freight train, it starts off slow but can pick up speed quickly and becomes harder to stop the longer we give it fuel. So, I just try to relax, do my breathing and mindfulness things and mostly that helps. I know it can be very frustrating. Don't beat yourself up about it 'cause that won't help either.

The what and why of being like this now is something I've learned, over time, to accept. Not normal but have to say, what or who is? Still continue to try to do the things that you what and like to do. They help you to regain your life or have a life. I hope you know what I mean. My best wishes are with you on this journey.

JarHed

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Like JarHed, I too know what that feels like. It's really strange and frustrating, but like @JarHed already explained, the best thing you can do is to try to relax; take a break, focus on your breathing, do some mindfulness exercises and/or anything else that you know helps calm you down. When the anxiety has passed, you can give it another try if you feel like it.

There's no need to beat yourself up over it. It says nothing about you or your personality if you can't do some things at the moment. It's PTSD's fault, not yours. Being angry with yourself isn't going to make it easier.

So in spite of your frustration, which I completely understand, try to calm yourself down. Once you've noticed the anxiety is holding you back in your performance, don't try to force yourself. That will only make things worse and will most definitely leave you stressed out and frustrated with an incompleted task.

Once again, I know how hard it is. I have still yet to learn how to follow my own advice on this one.

Anyway, I hope this helps a little. You are most certainly not the only one who feels like this.

 

[Storm-ridden]

Thanks guys. Its just so hard. I'm skipping church for the second time in 2 weeks because I'm practically shaking. I've missed church meetings and cleaning the church when it was my turn because of this. Getting out to do anything anymore is getting harder. I've got so much stuff I need to take care of- emails to write, phone calls to make, financial decisions to make, but I just can't seem to get a grip on anything. I'm going to try maybe doing more yoga- it seems to help some, but it falls in the category as everything else- almost impossible to go start when I feel like this, even knowing that it'll help. Ugh.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Are you on any anti-anxiety medication, @Storm-ridden? Perhaps that could help you control the worst part of the fear. I know it's helped me..

 

[Storm-ridden]

I've got some Hydroxyzine, but thats it medication-wise. I'm trying some homeopathic stuff too, which helps a little bit. Most medications and I don't tend to get along, unfortunately. :(

 

[Justmehere]

@Storm-ridden - I'm so glad you posted about this! I struggle with this as well, very deeply. Sometimes I can channel my fear and anxiety to help me get through and get something done. Other times completely I'm paralyzed to get the simplest things done. It is beyond frustrating for me. I end up angry and even more stressed, which then makes it harder. It is a vicious cycle for me.

I don't have any advice. I just wanted to tell you you're not alone and I very much relate.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Maybe you can visit your doctor about that? Or is your T a psychiatrist by any chance?

 

[pamcoco]

This maybe unrelated but since you mention it...

I have celiac as well. I literally mourned, had temper tantrums, cried, was hostile towards others, amongst other feelings and outburst for the first solid year. Food, and dealing with food sent me into a state always, although the state fluxuated.

It was the beginning of the end of my social life, I simply couldn't be in the presence of normies eating. So since I couldn't eat at restaurants or anyone else's house, and most social activities are based around food and I couldn't bare watching them eat, there was extremely few social activities remaining.

But people simply didn't understand my emotions around the issue. Knowing it was lifelong and I would never be able to be how I once was, I needed to experience the death of my previous food/social life.

But besides for the celiac that for some reason seemed worth mentioning, I am an emotional roller coaster most days. I cannot predict where I will go emotionally. It sucks!

 

[Storm-ridden]

@pamcoco - Having Celiac disease can be the worst sometimes. I stole a few fries off of my boyfriend's plate at a restaurant a few days back and paid for it the next day. Apparently they didn't have a dedicated fryer and the fries I ate went in the same oil as the breaded chicken tenders and such. Oops. I've learned how to order in restaurants, fortunately, though I still feel bad when I go into just how careful they need to be with my food (and still end up gluten-poisoned sometimes). I can absolutely commiserate about how much it sucks trying to go to a social activity, too. You stare at the food and smell how great it is and wonder if you can eat that without horrible consequences later- and the answer is mostly no. Really frustrating. I'm in the U.S., and it seems like they are making progress with more and more gluten-free stuff. Hopefully where you are they are doing the same..

@Snowwhite - thanks for reminding me. I meant to call them yesterday- I'll try to remember to call my doc today. My T doesn't double as a psychiatrist, but I think she's even tired of hearing me try a med and have something happen. I'm afraid my phone call to my doc may be just "you can't help me, bye." I think they're pretty frustrated with my inability to handle meds, too. Not fun.

@Justmehere - it's ALWAYS good to know I'm not alone!! Thank you. :)

To anybody wanting hugs- :hug:

 

[JarHed]

I have a friend that is gluten intolerant, I don't know if she has Celiac disease or not. It's almost impossible to find foods that don't have gluten in them in some form. And, of course, not all foods list those additives. I can't imagine how difficult finding a proper diet must be.