Emerg Services Anyone Else Have Similar Experience: Shamed For Noncombat Ptsd.

[David2015]

Anyone one else out there with PTSD from Basic Training due to extreme bodily harm, near death experiences and mental abuse from leadership who just gets shamed on almost every rare occasion they open up to others? It's rare I open up to anyone in any way shape or form, but when I do it seems like most people want to ignorantly shame me. Just wondering if anyone else has had these experiences. Part of me says of course they have and part of me says your the only one etc. I had alot of family and friends who are combat vets, and I feel I can't open up to them or I feel precursors to shame when I start to. Like there going to look down on me. So far the people who are the worst about it are non-combat military people without PTSD.

I'm to the point were I have a extreme amount of hatred towards the military, the VA, the government, and soldiers, but in my heart I want to love my neighbors and brothers/sisters. I almost shot someone to death a few months ago with a 9mm hollowpoint, because of his actions/words. I try to hide inside my home or stay away from other veterans. I have had a long term battle inside of me filled with hate/regret in serving in the military, but part of me (who was raised in a military family and a Christ Follower) wants to be the opposite way.

 

[David2015]

Also I feel like when I am around others I need to lie about my ptsd, military service, and the nature of it, but I despise lies and refuse to.

 

[anonymous]

I don't think that you'll be shamed here.

I don't sit here and say oh, non-combat PTSD? PSH! Nope, PTSD is PTSD is PTSD, no matter how you got it. Although I can appreciate that you feel shame for getting PTSD from a non-combat situation. I have PTSD from childhood events.

I hope you can find the support you need here on the forum.

 

[Blue Survivor]

I get the shame/guilt that you feel for having PTSD from non-combat. I have PTSD from domestic violence, and at times I feel guilty and feel like I'm making a big deal over it because I know that there are others who 'got it' (abused) far worse than me; whether from a spouse, or a stranger, etc.

There will always be someone who does not think that PTSD is real because you can't see it like you can a limp or what not; there will always be someone who had a more or less traumatic experience or time than you did or than I did. PTSD is PTSD, no matter how you or I or anyone else got it.

There is no 'My PTSD isn't as bad as your PTSD!' or 'My trauma was more severe and traumatizing that your trauma!' going on here. So far mostly everyone I've conversed with on here is very supportive and non-judgmental.

If you can't talk to other Vets about this out of fear of being labeled or judged - talk to us!

 

[David2015]

Thanks for the words of wisdom/support. Have not felt much of that in the last 3-4 years. I really appreciate it. I'm glad I decided to take a chance and post online. Thanks for the positive replies.

 

[Freebird2015]

I find a lot of criticism when I allow people to know what I am going through. The hardest thing to hear is that I am being melodramatic. I would never dream of telling that to someone! People, in general, are afraid of new things, and there is still a lot for this world to understand about PTSD and how it affects a person's life. Not having support from everyone I expect support from has helped me to practice acceptance.

 

[Friday]

Not it... My training was a cake walk, at least the first time around, but that simply ain't true for everyone. There's a helluva lot of stuff that can go seriously bad in the military from training onward. Gnarly shit happens. Bad Commands, live fire accidents, training accidents, MST, discipline parties, lotta stuff. Many CriterionA, many more just f*cked up in one way or another, and those can throw people hard, even if it's not enough for PTSD. Welcome.

 

[anonymous]

I've gotten this, but if I'm willing to say what my trauma is, I usually don't. I think people are less desensitized when's it comes to (especially long-term, and especially within the nuclear family) child sexual abuse, so people tend to back off if they initially shame or don't go down that road at all. I very rarely disclose my trauma though.

 

[holdenmonty]

I have combat related PTSD but don't be ashamed of your PTSD. It is still PTSD and what you went through in basic training what bad enough to cause you to have PTSD and you I wouldn't shame you at all. Just being somebody living with PTSD I tend to feel shame especially when I do things or notice things about myself that the average person doesn't do. Mainly being very jumpy and being startled really easily. But anyway even when around guys that I know have PTSD and they know that I have PTSD we tend to not talk about it because we don't really want to bring that stuff up unless somebody is in a really bad place.

 

[Gadgie]

I think that if you have mates who suffer with PTSD, then they are the best people to talk with, as they are the only people who can understand what you are going through.

The first therapist I ever met with had no idea what exactly PTSD was, apart from what they had read about it. I think that's why I couldn't talk to her like I wanted to, as she kept using the phrase "I know" when really she didn't have a clue?

The only folk who really understand, are those who suffer from it as well, so take the opportunity to talk with them at every chance you get.

I only wish I could meet folk like that, but the closest I will get to that, is in this site, as I felt really at home in here within a couple of hours reading the posts, and that was what gave me the courage to sign up and join.

 

[ppdpl9324]

I constantly feel ashamed for my PTSD. I spent the better part of a decade as a Police/Fire-Rescue Dispatcher and the years and several incidents that I was a part of both on the phone/radio and in person have left me with PTSD. That coupled with my childhood sexual abuse has left me for lack of a better term unable to cope with the outside world. On the rare occasion that I am forced to be outside I am in full manic mode, it is very obvious to others that I am "off". When people ask if I am okay, I feel embarrased to admit I have PTSD. I constatly watch any documentary about the guys/gals who are overseas who have PTSD. I try to convince myself that these are the folks that have been thru some serious trauma and I should not be dealing with this. Anyway that is just how I feel, Anybody else?

 

[TonyG]

I think that regardless of how you got PTSD the symptoms are the same as you can see from others on this site, Anyone who doesn't have it has no right to a opinion, I have PTSD because I attended a accident as a first responder and was recently told I could not join a online forum because I did not work for emergency services, Lol their loss, I didn't know there was a elite club for sufferers of PTSD,
Mate look after yourself and what others think don't matter.