Anyone Else Never Really Had Support In Their Life?

[Tinyflame]

I like your analogy of twists and turns @/Journey . That is true.

 

[Teasel]

I wanted to thank everyone that's replied but for some reason each time I tried my mind just goes blank. I do appreciate all your replies though, am so very sorry that others can relate, but grateful you've told me that you can

keifer I find it near impossible to let anyone in too, but when I do try, most often it doesn't work out, part of me is desperate to be able to do just that, guess it's complicated.. I hope you start to find help and hope too, sounds like you really need it, feels like I really need it x

Hope4future Thanks, rationally I know it's not cause I don't deserve it x

Echo I relate to an awful lot of what you say, I think you're right about step by step too. I had an assessment recently for therapy, which will start in a few weeks, terrifying, but we'll see x

Badger thanks, some nice thought about friendship, perhaps a bit beyond my capabilities just yet x

Whirlwind Thanks, I'm not young either and relate to a lot of what you say too, seem to be good at becoming friends with people who lean on me, but then again I do meet people I really like, and they scare the hell out of me! x

rightkindofme thanks, glad you found your husband :))

Echo yes, me too very much so, recently been reading a bit about co-dependency, not quite got my head around it yet, but defo think this hits the nail on the head

"My mistake is to be there for others and really just not for myself sufficiently. I guess we attract people who treat us with the same amount of dignity and worth that we accord ourselves. That's all we can change."

billie thanks x

Abstract I've done that too, though think it's cause that feels safer rather than being proof that I'm superficial, Often fear that I might be tho too. Am also worn out with putting on the mask, on the other hand, risking trusting people is so scary that it also wears me out and brings up such a huge amount of fear too x

Echo I don't know, think my old coping techniques have become more painful than protective.. What does help? Reading others' stories can help yes, sometimes it can make things worse too, not sure what makes the difference x

Stanley Shi-Yume Absolutely!!! Thankyou, have downloaded a sample of that book to my kindle, will see how I get on with it x

Solara yes, I relate so much to that! Hurts don't it, thanks for understanding and I'm sorry that you do. I've become terrified of getting close to people and am sure that can come across really badly, x

My minds gone blank again but thanks for the replies they mean a lot to me :hug:

And how do you tag people? thanks

each time I try to post this it tells me email addresses are not allowed, I haven't put any email addresses in?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hmmm you should just be able to type "@" + "username" exactly as it appears like this @Berlinda

If that doesn't work, I'm not sure what could be wrong?

 

[Abstract]

rather than being proof that I'm superficial,

Belinda, I am very, very far from being superficial but have big problems with intimacy. You are very right that trust is a risk and hard.

Like Solara said you just put an @ before the exact name of the person @Berlinda.

 

[Teasel]

Thanks Solara, when I did that in my post it just told me I wasn't allowed to post email addresses, the only way I could get it to post was to remove the @ symbols, will try again @Solara

@Abstract I didn't for one minute think that you were superficial

 

[Teasel]

Just had a bit of a cry, am triggered by virtually any social contact at all lately, guess I wanted to reply to this thread but all the fear of people and years of attempts at communication going wrong just scrambles my brain and makes it so I can't seem to reply in a conversational way. I suppose I've learned to reply to people in a way that shuts conversation down, that makes me so sad

 

[Echo]

@Berlinda, I am very touched by your detailed and thoughtful response to everyone. You've taken so much care to really listen and many people are just completely unable to do that.

You mention the issue of co-dependency. I am finding it goes much deeper than I had thought. I believed that I wasn't acting in a co-dependent way. I thought I'd done so much work on myself over the years. So when my memories of child abuse emerged this last year, I was shocked to see how much I was probably projecting onto my relationships. It had been easier to see in others, but what a wake-up call. I guess knowing it means one can change it. There is always a small window of choice before action then, but wow it goes so deep.

Please keep writing, if you would like to. We are here - just in different time zones probably!

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

@Berlinda I'm new here too and feel much the same way. I shut down in my intro thread. The struggle to make sense of everything is overwhelming.

 

[Teasel]

@Echo, thankyou for your kind words. Was upset earlier and tempted to delete my post, but I decided not to, glad now :) And yeah, the codependancy thing has been really good to read about, uncomfortable maybe but nowhere near as uncomfortable as blaming yourself for everything :) Thanks

@Survivor2Thriver thanks too, it's so hard isn't it! Thanks for letting me know you feel the same way, I huess people here a quite understanding x