• We are a multilingual website again. Read the notice about this.
  • Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.

Anyone Else's Husbands Getting P*ssed At You For Using This Forum?

Status
Not open for further replies.
I agree with Nicolette. People are always afraid of things they don't know about or understand. It is human nature, for some, to lash out at things they feel uncomfortable with. Although you may feel like you shouldn't have to explain yourself, I think it is equally important to realize the insecurity and fear your partner may have in understanding what you are garnering from this forum and not from him.

I just don't believe in the concept that just bc I want it or it suits me or helps me, my husband should just accept it unconditionally. (I am not saying that is what your intent is. I was merely expanding that thought) I think with any relationship there has to be some give and take and some hefty conversation about things that preclude change. I think anytime we can make our partners in life feel like they are a part of the process, because they really are, we build a deeper foundation between us. Exclusion or feeling of exclusion that aren't validated just tear us apart. Now, if my husband read this he would laugh his arse off bc this is something I haven't mastered at all!

Your husband just wants to feel included. I think that is a testament to how much he loves you and wants to be a part of your life. I don't think you have to share all, but I think you can find a happy balance where he supports you and you let him know how important he is to you without making it a struggle. We forget that life is give and take sometimes. Even when we don't think we should give, we should look at the bigger picture.

I think you are awesome for posting this and it has really made me think about some things I should probably go and apologize to my husband for and give him a big hug! People just want to feel validated and I include myself in on that statement but I have to remember that I can't just continually want my feelings validated without validating his too!!!

Good luck! I hope you find your balance!!!
 
My wife doesn't really like it, and my friend hates it! Same type of thing - "You don't talk to me now that you have THAT forum!" but I've put it off to women jealousy issues. :roflmao: Until I read this thread.
 
My husband was largely negative about my participation in various forums and recovery organizations ... at first. Time won out... and he has seen and continues to see improvement in my ability to manage. One thing I really had to do though, was to make my online time count. I don't surf around much and use the computer as avoidance... I'm either reading the news, posting on my blog, reading the inspirational stuff that I subscribe to that comes to my inbox each morning (part of my morning routine to set my mind on), or I'm on one of three recovery forums.
He has no problems with it now... and recognizes that nothing in my online history or my own character would warrant a lack of trust.

I'm cutting my time back slowly... though I still prefer daily checking in, to keep me accountable.
 
My husband doesn't mind be being here, but he won't read and I am not sure what level of understanding he has of PTSD. Basically that is because we can never talk about anything that has any level or potential of being "uncomfortable". He would rather avoid all deep issues and just work. No problems talking about work, politics, the weather; but when it comes to us he is a closed book.

I keep leaving the door open and encouraging when and where I can. I share when the moments arise but have learned to to share too much too quickly as that results in a shut down. It 's been really hard to deal with PTSD and now with cancer on top of it, being on the forum and relying on my friends just isn't enough. I really need the support of my spouse.

It's just so hard to balance when I struggle so hard just to keep myself balanced. :cry:
 
My hubby is very supportive. He really wants me to get the help I need and he understands how the forum is helping me.

I can understand how a supporter could find it difficult when your on the forum for hours at a time. I think that communication is key and if your partner can't understand your needs or you can't come to a comprimise (ie, your on the forum more when your supporter is not home then when home) then in the end you have to do what you need to do to heal.

Just my thoughts
 
Nicolette said:
That is really sad............. :hug:
Click to expand...
It make me sad too. Unfortunately, my wife says that she's had enough. She says she's been telling me for years to get help and she just can't take any more even though if you read through my other posts you'll see what I've achieved in the past couple of weeks. She's currently planning a divorce like some kind of well oiled blitzkreig. I am reeling in shock and totally heart-broken but there's nothing I can do to change her mind.
 
My husband isn't actively supportive of me either Deb... he just quietly creates the space I need to work through things. I didn't marry a nurturing type. It's just not his nature. If he was any different, I may have never learned boundary setting, and how to stand on my own two feet (most of the time)... my reliance would have been on him instead of cultivating self reliance.

I too am a warrior and survivor... he tends to watch from a distance, and love me anyway... in his own way.
 
Not yet but I'm new here give it time, I'm sure that he will see it as sharing our crap with the world.

He thinks that the whole theory of secondary PTSD is a bunch of shit, got pissed when I came up with that online....anyone else's see it that way? They just don't know what it does to a person who loves a sufferer and would do anything to help ease any of the pain but can't help at all and then to be berated for trying to help...long term effects don't happen just to a sufferer that is why I'm glad to have found this space.

Hopefully there are others here that I can gain insight and support from, god knows I don't get it from my vet, well not when PTSD comes to stay for a nice long visit.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Donation drives

2026 Donation Goal

Goal
$1,800.00
Earned
$910.00
This donation drive ends in
0 hours, 0 minutes, 0 seconds
  50.6%
Donate

Trending content

Featured content

Latest posts

Back
Top Bottom