Sexual Assault Anyone had this experience

[recoveringfromptsd]

The other day someone trying to be helpful showed me a video of some gal in recovery, show the cards in the video as a way to confront her abuser. As soon as I saw the M word in big letters I had one of worse reactions of many, I still getting trigger from seeing the words in print, like here, but does not affect me as much. Its like the bigger the letters the more it hurts.

 

[EmmaOwl]

@recoveringfromptsd
I'm glad you wrote, and I'm sorry that you encountered such troubles after a well-intentioned person started "helping". I don't know what to say beyond that, as I don't know what the M word is, here. Married? If you're not comfortable saying, that's okay, of course.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@recoveringfromptsd
I'm glad you wrote, and I'm sorry that you encountered such tr...

M for Molest
R for R...
I think you get the idea.
I find it very hard to use the actual words, triggering and activate hurtful memories.

 

[EmmaOwl]

I find it very hard to use the actual word...

I get it. I'm like that too, though I'm usually ok with written words. I run into more trouble hearing and speaking some things out loud.
Anyway, what video was this? (rhetorical question) It sounds like victim empowerment, but gone off the rails a little bit. Sorry it was such a bad experience :(

 

[Deleted member 487]

I have to deal with my rape and sexual assaults on a regular basis when people ask certain questions. They don't understand that not only is some information none of their business, which they nearly always admit AFTER they find out, but the memories I have to deal with just because of their inquiry. No one knows what that is like until they have been there.
I have been so tempted to tattoo that info to my forehead. But then I find myself asking "why should I keep punishing myself for something I did not deserve?" Why should I punish myself when all I have to do is apply for a job and wait until someone asks those questions?

 

[EmmaOwl]

I have to deal with my rape and sexual assaults on a regular basis when people ask certain questions....

This is when I pull out my less controversial traumatic experience. Even though CSA is the first of two major traumas, only very rarely do I confide that. The other stuff... most people in the U.S. have seen footage on tv and for whatever reason they don't ask questions. (Except "Where were you?" or, once or twice, "Which building were you in?" People want to know details but I can brush off those questions which I really do not care to explain to the whole world.

I kinda feel like I'm lying by omission, by sticking to the later story and ignoring the original. But there's a stigma to the SA stuff, and people seem to expect more details of the most awful and sordid events in a person's life.

People who do this should go away, and possibly be forced to watch Lifetime or Hallmark movies until they are absolutely devastated and wracked with tears.

 

[KerriJ]

I can't use the words either. Typing them is much easier than saying, writing, or hearing them but even still I usually have to astrick out a letter or two.

I'm glad no one really asks me. And if they do there's such a stigma they don't ask specifics. I usally just say, My dad's on the registry. My mom's narcisstic. I was in an abusive relationship.

Boom. No need for the bad words. But in therapy, and on here, in workbooks... the words have to keep being used and it sucks.

I can't watch those recovery/stand up to abuser videos because of it. But I can watch Law and Order:SVU because they tend to use the words more sensibly and there's usually more justice given to the survivor.

 

[sillyalicia]

Wow, guys, I'm so sorry. I talk about my experiences with PTSD and that I have it d/t multiple SA all the time, especially on social media. No one has ever asked me for details (I dissociated for most of them anyway), but I feel like I am educating people and helping erase the stigma.

Maybe I can do that because I have been in therapy for years? Or just because we're all different :) Sending you my love.

 

[EmmaOwl]

I can watch Law and Order:SVU because they tend to use the words more sensibly and there's usually more justice given to the survivor.

I spent a couple of my worst PTSD-afflicted years watching Law&Order SVU all the time; it used to be on one channel or another, 24/7. I used to find it a comfort - I wanted Stabler et al. to somehow save me.

During my worst breakdown, that was all I did for a while at my old apartment, watch tv and specifically that show, and I continued watching, after I landed on the couch of a family member. Then it started to upset me. I don't know if they still play SVU as frequently - I have such bad associations with that time in my life, it's kinda ruined in my memory. But at the time it served as a pretty decent rescue fantasy.

 

[EmmaOwl]

I usally just say, My dad's on the registry. My mom's narcisstic. I was in an abusive relationship.

Boom. No need for the bad words.

If I need to say anything about early CSA: "I've got PTSD for the same reason too many girls do." And people always seem to know, or at least they nod understandingly and drop it. I've never had to say anything further when I have come out with that one.

Sorry @cactus_jack, I don't have a male equivalent. But maybe you can come up with something similar, to have an answer ready to go. "I don't discuss it" or "I don't care to discuss it" ought to be enough for the most well-intentioned of questioners.

 

[Deleted member 487]

Sorry @cactus_jack, I don't have a male equivalent. But maybe you can come up with something similar, to have an answer ready to go. "I don't discuss it" or "I don't care to discuss it" ought to be enough for the most well-intentioned of questioners.

They are not well intentioned. Most usually it is prospective employers. "So, if you are unemployed, where is your money coming from?" But other people ask that as well. Prospective landlords, the past couple years in fact. "How are you going to pay for your rent?" is a fair question to ask. "I'll be using my student loans to help with rent." is my reply. But then, "it" happens.... "I don't understand, how are you going to take care of the rest of your bills?" (none of their business, really). Or "I don't understand. I need to know about ALL of your sources of income", which they don't and they have no way to legally verify it. Oh, my income? Let's see here....it's a structured settlement. And...they always ask for more...."I was hit by a drunk driver and then drugged, beaten and raped by a faggot while in the closing stages of rehabilitation." "Oh my gawd! I don't need to know that! Uh,,, YOU DEMANDED IT! WTF, DAWG!

What is really bad is when people that have absolutely NO business knowing that, ask. US Postal service in particular. Literally. Like what the hell is this? And THAT, the USPS making inappropriate inquiries, cost me my last apartment. Still, 2-1/2 years later, homeless. Because people "do not appreciate" my responses to their inappropriate inquiries. Anthony would be heavily offended if I used in here the language I use when responding to the inquiries.

 

[EmmaOwl]

@cactus_jack, I still don't see how that means you have to give such specific details. I'm sorry I don't understand, and I hope you can find your way to peace on this one.