Sufferer Anyone have any love to spare? PTSD/DID, need support

[J.D Wolf]

i'm feeling like my sense of safety and sense of self has further deteriorated. The people responsible take pleasure in corroding my sense of safety and sense of self and i feel stuck. Either defend myself and lose all including my loved one or don't stay with my loved one who cares about me or be taken from my loved; to be or to not to be. damned if i do, damned if i don't. i feel like i'm either going to pop or burn away - and i dont feel like a phoenix but i feel like i'd be the bad guy. I have very limited supports and need caring folks to converse with. i've been isolated for so long.

Not sure if it's helps to put our there or not but i struggle with High-Functioning Lvl 2 Asperger's (ASD) and Dissociative Identity Disorder w/psychotic PTSD. I have one (surrogate family member) family member left who loves me, things are getting worse, i'm an orphan, and my loved one is going through caregiver burnout.

 

[joeylittle]

Hi @J.D Smiles - welcome to the forum. I've moved this post of yours into the Introductions area. I hope the forum can be useful for you.

 

[J.D Wolf]

Hi @J.D Smiles - welcome to the forum. I've moved this post of yours into the Introductions area. I hope the forum can be useful for you.

Hello. Thank You.

 

[ladee]

Welcome! And yes, we have love to give. And tons of support. This is the place to be to not have to try and manage alone in this big old world.

I suggest you spend some time reading the different threads and articles that resonate with you. It really helps to find we are not alone. No matter how complicated our lives are.

Sorry for the reasons you need to be here, but glad you are.

 

[J.D Wolf]

Welcome! And yes, we have love to give. And tons of support. This is the place to be to not have to try and manage alone in this big old world.

I suggest you spend some time reading the different threads and articles that resonate with you. It really helps to find we are not alone. No matter how complicated our lives are.

Sorry for the reasons you need to be here, but glad you are.

thank you @ladee. I will explore the site. Today was my first time discovering it. I appreciate you posting.

 

[somerandomguy]

Hey Smiles, welcome to the forum. I hope you get as much out of it as I have - a hell of a lot.

The people responsible take pleasure in corroding my sense of safety and sense of self and i feel stuck.

Sounds like you have some choices to make about who you let into your life. You don't have to put up with toxic people.

 

[J.D Wolf]

Hey Smiles, welcome to the forum. I hope you get as much out of it as I have - a hell of a lot.

Sounds like you have some choices to make about who you let into your life. You don't have to put up with toxic people.

It's difficult as i dont let them in they find ways in like roaches and splinters. I dont want want them in my life and i dont know how to live in harmony with them or change my particular situation. I love my loved one who is ill and cant run away with me and i refuse to leave them behind and if i defend myself it gets messy like Pulp Fiction messy and i am very much trying hard to be the Shepard. If i do defend myself i lose every way possible i feel like. if i dont defend myself i lose myself and possibly everything but more importantly my loved one or i am taken from them. Cryptic but i am not sure how to express myself at the moment and how much i should express myself. This has been going on for a very long time and i've been trying. The longer things dont get resolved the worse things get and the worse i feel. I feel safe in crisis terms but i dont feel a sense of safety which could lead to a crisis also. I did have a PTSD episode the other day that lead to a ER crisis visit.

 

[J.D Wolf]

It's difficult as i dont let them in they find ways in like roaches and splinters. I dont want want them in my life and i dont know how to live in harmony with them or change my particular situation. I love my loved one who is ill and cant run away with me and i refuse to leave them behind and if i defend myself it gets messy like Pulp Fiction messy and i am very much trying hard to be the Shepard. If i do defend myself i lose every way possible i feel like. if i dont defend myself i lose myself and possibly everything but more importantly my loved one or i am taken from them. Cryptic but i am not sure how to express myself at the moment and how much i should express myself. This has been going on for a very long time and i've been trying. The longer things dont get resolved the worse things get and the worse i feel. I feel safe in crisis terms but i dont feel a sense of safety which could lead to a crisis also. I did have a PTSD episode the other day that lead to a ER crisis visit.

I just read this back and i am not sure if my phrasing sounds off or not due my pragmatic communication difficulties mixed with not sure if should express myself or how much. But i wanted to add i am not a cartoon villain or anything. I'm just upset, frustrated and concerned and really need folks who can listen and understand me and possibly help me find ways to resolve the situation or help me figure out how to live in harmony with the people causing the situation.

 

[ChildofGod]

Welcome! There is a lot of support here. I've isolated a lot as well. It's good to depend upon ourselves. And it is good to get rid of toxic family members or friends. This is the best place IMO for PTSD support and understanding.

 

[bellbird]

Welcome home, @J.D Smiles .
So glad you've found us.

 

[J.D Wolf]

I am sorry i've been M.I.A everyone. My stressors, traumas, and tormentors have gotten worse and im trying to manage but they are getting the better of me right now. Talking to crisis isnt helping and their current options are no good since it me responding to external and environmental and life problems which is causing systemic problems; so i do a day program or go inpatient - my life outside will fall apart since i have to keep trying to holdup. I have only one very limited but safe support but they are going through caregiver burnout and i am trying to not stress them out; especially since we need eachother. my self assessments and severity scales are maxing out but my inhibition is struggling to stay intact, despite dejection at every turn i look for support. My alters and i are trying to cope and my caregiver and i are trying to manage but i'm starting to buckle under the stress. I'm not sure if its leading to an extreme depressive episode, extreme manic episode, an extreme dissociative crisis or an extreme life crisis or what. This all has been happening for years and getting worse and i feel like my flame is going out like a baby Charmander left abandoned in the rain. I am sorry for being missing in action especially since im new here. @bellbird @Zencat @NeverGiveUp @somerandomguy @ladee @joeylittle

 

[somerandomguy]

Hey. This is a place for you to use as you see fit. No need to apologize for not posting.