Apologies

[Raven]

I seem to have a completely different idea of what an apology should be, compared to what most other people think. In my book, you can't be sorry unless you recognize what you did wrong and admit your mistake. Saying, "I'm sorry you feel that way" or something like that is not an apology. It's a defensive tactic in a flimsy disguise, especially if you follow the statement with a "but".

/rant

 

[dutchiedelta]

We had that discussion often here. People will utter the phrase left and right, "sorry."
Never fully understood why mumbling the magic formula made things go away.
I'll only say it if it feels I did something wrong.
It caused a few uncomfortable moments with the kids when they needed to learn the consequences of their actions.

Saying I am sorry people feel the way they do cos of something I did, is another chapter.
It'd be concern for the way they feel, not for my actions.

 

[JarHed]

Saying, "I'm sorry you feel that way" or something like that is not an apology.

I agree completely. Most people can't or won't take responsibility for their own actions, especially today. People like to do that verbal dance, where they don't admit that they were wrong and won't actually say so. It's part of that pc thing that I dislike so much.

 

[dutchiedelta]

JarHed, people also get offended for me being dual nationality, for the part Israel plays in the ME.
I'm sorry they feel that way but not even my friends who LOVE the political correct babble will get an apology out of me for that.
Folks get their knickers in a twist for saying Merry Christmas. Where's the selfresponsibility in that?

I hope we're talking about the same thing and the language barrier isn't clouding my view here.

 

[OldDoorGunner]

I grew up with a Mother and Sister that have never been wrong, ever!!! So I am like Jar and Raven in this. When I make a mistake or do something wrong, I stand up and say......I was wrong or I made the mistake, I did it so I take responsibility for it. Being out front and honest for me is the only way......If that does not work for you, go f*ck yourself........;)

Merry Christmas
J R

 

[Lurch]

I completely agree. People also need to understand, that just because you said I'm sorry doesn't mean that I am instantly happy. Those words are not magical and can fix all mistakes. People have forgotten that it is part of owning ones mistakes and trying to fix that mistake that makes things better and makes them a better human. Saying sorry and not trying to fix it is worthless.

To me this is another thing on list for reasons to taze people. We have lost respect for each other as human.... IMHO.

Tazer duals and an adult beverage can fix many things in this life. The idea alone brings great joy to my poor heart. If Sludge doesn't get Santa first, maybe he'll bring me a new tazer for Christmas.

 

[dutchiedelta]

Ah okay, I was thinking on a bigger scale which is down to language.
Verontschuldigingen or excuses are different things.
Personal or abstract.

Yes, owning up to my mistakes is a big one.
Mending bridges on a daily basis.
Other than that, people can be wrong sometimes. Not up to me to look into their head and see what ails them.
Annoying maybe.

 

[OldDoorGunner]

Having the Beast and Apologies......This could lead to shit city......with our Wife, Husband, Boyfriend and Girlfriend....

Lurch, has it nailed when he said "owning ones mistakes and trying to fix that mistake that makes things better and makes them a better human."

With the Beast I would be saying Sorry all the f*cking time and what good would it really do?
My wife knows I have PTSD and I will do and say shit that is not good and she will be on the shit end of the stick. But she knows I am trying to fix it. She knows I take responsibility for it, I don't feel good about, and it's a control issue that comes from the Beast......How she has put up with my sorry ass is beyond me.......

J R

 

[atilla]

I'm with you all on this one. If I screw up I admit it. But if I hurt someones feelings for speaking the plain old truth to them, thats on them. PC has ruined society i my opinion....ODG same here with my wife...I wouldn't put up with me either:)

 

[JarHed]

Hey Dutchie

I'm perfectly fine with Merry Christmas and stuff like that. I mean where every word we utter is judged as to whether it fits into the 'proper' scope. Like what you might call a person of a particular race or religion. It's just common sense to me, I don't need the politically correct police to clap me in irons if I utter a wrong word. It's like a church in the area put out a nativity scene and some people got upset about it. Come on, really. Don't they have the right to an opinion? I'm not a liberal or a conservative but I do think that pc stuff is definitely on the far left of things. Just an opinion.

 

[Raven]

When I don't actually regret doing something, but I caused someone grief, I say, "I did not intend to hurt/upset/anger you." Usually it's followed by an explanation of what I was trying to accomplish.

"I'm sorry you feel that way", just seems insulting.

 

[Friday]

Grandmother vs Grandson

GM - Say you're sorry.
S - I'm sorry!!! :devil::mad::devil:
GM - Say it like you mean it.
S - :eek: But Nana! That would be lying!!!:confused:

Lol... I seriously love this kid. He'll follow orders, but he won't tell you what you want to hear, how you want to hear it, to manipulate you or get out of trouble. Not an angel by any stretch of the imagination. Gets up to all kinds of mischief. Some he finds worth getting in trouble over (and if I agree, I usually nix the trouble. Okay. I can see you point. Carry on. Others? Agree or not... consequences, mister. You're totally busted.), while some he regrets, and finds it to be a mistake. For that he'll apologize and learn from it. But whether I agree with his reasoning, disagree with it, or he's done screwed up and knows it? He's not a bullshit artist. Won't lie just to save his own ass.

His cousins? Can't believe a word that comes outta their mouths. They'll say anything to make the person in front of them happy with them for as long as they're standing there. Then they turn around and say whatever to whomever to keep them happy. Often the exact opposite of what they just got done saying.

Personally, I'd rather have the truth than an apology.
You can work through hard truths, but lies f*ck shit sideways.