Apprehensive, But

[Charette87]

U.S. Navy Corpsman. Served July 2005 - December 2011. Bluewater. 2 "cruises" both to the Persian Gulf on the Eisenhower (CVN-69) in 2006-07 and again in 2009. Then went to NH Jax, FL from Jan. 2010-December 2011. Diagnosed with PTSD a couple weeks ago after going to see a private psychologist about why I suffer from anxiety, depression, anger, emotional numbness. Never thought it was PTSD. After all, it was my job to be able to deal with deaths as a medic, right? I was almost out of his office before he noticed I had served in the Navy. That's when it all made sense. I was never this emotionless, anxious, crowd hating, quiet and angry. I began a nice little 24/7 365 party as soon as I got my DD-214. I drank everyday morning until morning. Sleep for a few hours, repeat. Look for work, get a job, quit in 2 days, drink, repeat. The drinking made me normal. I could talk (somewhat), I could go out without feeling anxious, If i stayed drunk, I felt normal. Anyways, Im getting off topic I assume. Hope I'm welcome here. Can't find anywhere else.

 

[OldDoorGunner]

Welcome Nate, Old Army Nam vet here...You sound just like me and a few others here. Start the day with a drinking, end the day drinking......I did this for to many years....Glad you found about having PTSD sooner than some of us old guys...
You found the place to be....You will find that you have a lot of Brothers and Sisters to talk to here and to help when needed...

J R

 

[Charette87]

Thank you J R.

 

[BaMuoiBa]

Welcome Nate, another ol' Nam Squid here.

You're in the right place for sure. Have you been diagnosed by the VA or even made a claim yet? I would suggest that you find a Vet Center near by and give them a visit and see what help is available.

Link: http://www.vetcenter.va.gov/Vet_Center_Services.asp

I'm sure that you realize that self medicating with booze only puts the "beast" at bay for as long the hangover lasts. Trust me on this, I worked at it for almost 25 years, you'll need to address that first.

Plenty to read here so pull up a chair and get started. Many folks from your era on this forum.

Ba

 

[Charette87]

Ba,
I haven't gone to the VA yet. I guess that should be my next step. I'm assuming that I will eventually have to go there. I filed a claim yesterday after realizing that PTSD is really probably what I have. I tried a "flooding" exercise the day after my first appointment two weeks ago per my psychologist in the hopes of proving him wrong about his diagnoses. Didn't go well and I had what I can only explain as a panic attack reliving the three events that must be the cause of why I feel the way I do. Thanks for the info, Ba.

 

[Wagon]

Welcome Nate. Ex squid as well Late 80's. You;ve found a good place. Yeah you need to get to the VA. Don't let their crap admin put you off. Eventually you'll get in. I also think "Terror War" folks have priority now, as that is one of the only "which war?" questions they ask. Good luck and in the mean time there is tons of info here.

Wagon

 

[Charette87]

Thanks, Wagon.

 

[Jimmy1]

Welcome Nate, I am an Aussie, but as you will find once you have been here a while, it doesn't matter which conflict you were in, or what country you are from, PTSD is PTSD.

Self medicating I think is a standard with veterans, most don't want to take medication as we believe it's a sign of weakness. The majority of us also refuse to believe we have PTSD. I used to start drinking beer once the boy went to school, changed to spirits at 1500, then pot in the evenings. The worst part was that it took a couple of years and quite a few thousand dollars before I woke up to the fact that it wasn't solving my problems.

Go see the VA mate, you are entitled to it, you served your country. Once you do a bit of therapy, things get a little better, but I will warn you, sometimes it gets a little worse first, but nothing that is good in this world is easy.

Good luck on your journey.

 

[LIllabeth]

Nate87,

You said "Never thought it was PTSD. After all, it was my job to be able to deal with deaths as a medic, right?" I am sure that you did your job to the best of your abilities, assisted many of your crew mates when they were at their most vulnerable (being ill or injured) with kindness, compassion and professionalism. All soldiers, regardless of element, rank and function, are trained to do their job. That training however, does nothing to negate the possibility of injury, just the probability - for example, we train and drill to ensure we are proficient and capable of the tasks assigned to us. If you are injured during the performance of your duties, say a patient suddenly convulses and you get whacked in the face and your nose is broken - that does not reflect negatively on your training, it is just a reality. PTSD results from damaging your hippocampus and your amiglia during an, or series of, events therefore it is no different than any other injury received in the performance of your duties and has nothing to do with one's job specifically.

I am not in any way implying that by reading this post you will have a sudden epiphany - my docs have been telling me this information for months and I still struggle not to feel weak, unfit to be a soldier let alone an officer and rarely feel worthy of the air I breathe - but sometimes I do have glimpses of seeing their point.

We have a saying in the Canadian Forces "Never look down on a Medic, because you never know when you will be looking up at one"

 

[Charette87]

Thanks, Lillabeth.

 

[Spock]

Nate87,

You said "Never thought it was PTSD. After all, it was my job to be able to deal with deaths as a medic, right?" I am sure that you did your job to the best of your abilities, assisted many of your crew mates when they were at their most vulnerable (being ill or injured) with kindness, compassion and professionalism. All soldiers, regardless of element, rank and function, are trained to do their job. That training however, does nothing to negate the possibility of injury, just the probability - for example, we train and drill to ensure we are proficient and capable of the tasks assigned to us. If you are injured during the performance of your duties, say a patient suddenly convulses and you get whacked in the face and your nose is broken - that does not reflect negatively on your training, it is just a reality. PTSD results from damaging your hippocampus and your amiglia during an, or series of, events therefore it is no different than any other injury received in the performance of your duties and has nothing to do with one's job specifically.

I am not in any way implying that by reading this post you will have a sudden epiphany - my docs have been telling me this information for months and I still struggle not to feel weak, unfit to be a soldier let alone an officer and rarely feel worthy of the air I breathe - but sometimes I do have glimpses of seeing their point.

We have a saying in the Canadian Forces "Never look down on a Medic, because you never know when you will be looking up at one"

Great stuff Lillabeth!

Welcome Nate. I've done all my medical and therapy at Walter Reed-Bethesda in DC to include group therapy. So, I'd say on most days half our groups have been medics, corpsmen. I know their stories, I've share their pain and I know one thing for sure, I would never want to have to deal with what they dealt with as a recurring job in combat. I'm extremely proud to know every one of them and I'm just as proud now to have you join us here.

Best wishes.

 

[Lee C]

Welcome