Are You Embarrassed And Ashamed To Talk Details w/ Your Therapist?

[Snowflake]

Are you embarrassed and ashamed to talk about details of abuse with your therapist?

 

[Kubash16]

Totally.

Writing them down ahead of time so your T can read it and direct the subsequent convo themselves helps a ton.

 

[Sandstone]

Oh yes, on more than one level.

The simplest is the ordinary social discomfort. I wouldn't talk about sex with anyone else either. T says "This isn't a normal social interaction, so we leave that at the door", but that is easy for her to say and hard for me to do. I can't bring myself to say X did this to this part of me with YYY.

Then there is the bewilderment at myself for not acting to stop it. I am ashamed and confused.
The sadness of noting that others were aware, but did nothing to protect me
The unmentionable fact that my bdy joined in sometimes.
The fact that if I say it there will be evidence that it happened - and that makes writing it even more impossible.
The fear that T will say it was all trivial, and the even greater fear that she will say it was serious
The fear that facing it might be destructive for me.

However, that doesn't mean I'm going to give in to all those fears. I'm getting closer to talking about detail with this T than any other for eight years. I have no idea if that is good or bad - it was often the therapists who stopped me because they were worried about destabilising me.

I'm working on a way to approach it, which may be unique to me. I have several cuddly pandas, who provide me with a great deal of support. Mental conversations with them have often provided me with a clearer way ahead, or with better comfort, than anyone else. I'm toying with the idea of thinking it to them, and then of saying it out loud. Once my ear infection clears up.

 

[Snowflake]

Oh yes, on more than one level.

The simplest is the ordinary social discomfort. I wouldn't talk about sex with anyone else either. T says "This isn't a normal social interaction, so we leave that at the door", but that is easy for her to say and hard for me to do. I can't bring myself to say X did this to this part of me with YYY.

Then there is the bewilderment at myself for not acting to stop it. I am ashamed and confused.
The sadness of noting that others were aware, but did nothing to protect me
The unmentionable fact that my bdy joined in sometimes.
The fact that if I say it there will be evidence that it happened - and that makes writing it even more impossible.
The fear that T will say it was all trivial, and the even greater fear that she will say it was serious
The fear that facing it might be destructive for me.

However, that doesn't mean I'm going to give in to all those fears. I'm getting closer to talking about detail with this T than any other for eight years. I have no idea if that is good or bad - it was often the therapists who stopped me because they were worried about destabilising me.

I'm working on a way to approach it, which may be unique to me. I have several cuddly pandas, who provide me with a great deal of support. Mental conversations with them have often provided me with a clearer way ahead, or with better comfort, than anyone else. I'm toying with the idea of thinking it to them, and then of saying it out loud. Once my ear infection clears up.

Thank you :)

 

[FauxLiz]

I have incredible levels of shame and embarrassment surrounding my trauma. To the point that following nearly a decade of. Therapy with good and bad therapists and two inpatient trauma program stints I have still not been able to actually talk about the different multiple traumas I have experienced. The closest I have come is a high level written document that states when, where, who and slang euphemisms for what happened. For me to verbalize what my brother did to me, what more men than I want to mention did and acknowledge it using more formal words like r#p#, a$$ualt, etc I can’t I freeze and can’t get the words out. Generally the best I can do in terms of discussion is mumble or nod to agree with what the T says. I know that I will never really heal until I can but I am so ashamed and embarrassed that I allowed those things to happen to me and so ashamed and embarrassed because talking about that would be contrary to the way I was brought up where if something could reflect poorly on me or my family it was never to be spoken of ever to anyone.

 

[Friday]

Not details specifically, no.

The entire thing? Yes. Including the non-trauma parts from anything inside of that time period ...Amongst other emotional reactions.

 

[somerandomguy]

Definitely at first.

But the good news is that once you start talking about something, the shame begins to dissipate and healing can begin.

 

[Snowflake]

I have incredible levels of shame and embarrassment surrounding my trauma. To the point that following nearly a decade of. Therapy with good and bad therapists and two inpatient trauma program stints I have still not been able to actually talk about the different multiple traumas I have experienced. The closest I have come is a high level written document that states when, where, who and slang euphemisms for what happened. For me to verbalize what my brother did to me, what more men than I want to mention did and acknowledge it using more formal words like r#p#, a$$ualt, etc I can’t I freeze and can’t get the words out. Generally the best I can do in terms of discussion is mumble or nod to agree with what the T says. I know that I will never really heal until I can but I am so ashamed and embarrassed that I allowed those things to happen to me and so ashamed and embarrassed because talking about that would be contrary to the way I was brought up where if something could reflect poorly on me or my family it was never to be spoken of ever to anyone.

Exactly for me too

 

[Ronin]

(I will take this as psychhealth support network question, since T and I and communication are a crash)

Not ashamed for the things themselves. Ashamed as all hell it has any hold on me, now, and ashamed I do not have the proper words to relay things unless I get super non emotional, it is not my life but some factual buzz, about any and all of it.

 

[Invisible Fire]

Been to embarrassed and ashamed to share any details

 

[Gs172003]

Are you embarrassed and ashamed to talk about details of abuse with your therapist?

I never did

 

[Friday]

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